Did We Win in 2010?

If we kept the faith,

if we loved God,

if we loved others,

if we showed mercy,

if we forgave trespasses,

if we forgave ourselves,

if we stood back up after falling,

if we gave,

if we were a light in the darkness,

if we were the salt that flavored a life,

if we looked beyond ourselves,

if we met another's need,

if we fought the good fight,

if we persevered,

if we worshiped God,

if we honored Him,

if we gave Him glory,

if we simply believed Him...

...then we won.

~ ~ ~

My pastor, Linda Silverman, declared this time last year that we were destined to win in 2010. She has repeated that phrase so often throughout the year. She preached many messages that prepared us for battle and launched us toward victory. As she has said many times, you can't win without a battle. You can't make the grade without being tested. You can't overcome unless there's an obstacle. Thank you, Pastor, for training us to be good soldiers.

Everyone that I know has faced battles in 2010. Some big, some bigger, some epic. As the year neared its close, I began to seek the Lord about whether we did win in 2010. What is written above is the answer that He placed in my heart. As I wrote it, I realized that His concept of winning may be just a little different than what we expected. Maybe we didn't win the lottery or that great job or promotion. Maybe we didn't win a new car, a new house or a new wardrobe. Maybe that illness remains. Maybe all our problems weren't miraculously solved and tied up with a pretty bow. But maybe, just maybe, if we can look at God's list of victories and find those that were true of our lives in 2010, then we can step into 2011 as winners.

Victory!

~ ~ ~

'Tis the Season...

'Tis the Season...to be jolly... to be joyful... to be grateful... to spend time with loved ones... to give... to love... to laugh... to celebrate... to decorate... to shop... to spend too much... to worry... to stress... to argue... to expect too much... to be disappointed... to miss those who have passed... to be depressed... to be lonely... to feel rejected and unloved.

Sad, but true. The Christmas Season is the most wonderful, joyful time of year for many. But, so many of those same people struggle with hurts and disappointments and memories of past Christmas pains. Been there, done that. Christmas has always been wonderfully special to me. However, at the same time, it has been difficult and often painful. There is one year in particular that I was heartbroken; but I received the most beautiful, priceless gift.

My mother moved to Heaven in 2003. If ever there was a woman who knew how to make Christmas special, it was her! I could fill an entire blog with the details of the decorations, lights, shopping adventures, red packages with handmade bows, cookies, pies, handmade gifts and family gatherings. It was all very magical and very wonderful!! When she passed on, Christmas was forever changed for our family. That first Christmas without her was hard, but the whole family struggled through together. Several months later, my dad moved out of the old homeplace of almost forty years and put it up for sale. That house and all its furnishings were, for me, a reflection of my mom's life. In that house, I still felt connected to her. To see it all dismantled, everything moved out and the house sold to strangers devastated me. It was like losing her all over again. I did not handle it well at all. I said and did things that hurt my family. I was very hurt myself.

When Christmas came that year, I could not bear the thought of attending a family gathering. Rick and the boys were struggling too and shared my feelings. We decided not to attend the family parties for either side of the family, Rick's or mine. We just wanted, needed, to have a Christmas to ourselves to heal.

It was traditional for both of our families to have Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was always a source of stress to fit so much into one day; but that also meant a day busy with excitement, fun and much to do. On this particular Christmas Eve, for the first time in my life, I found myself alone that afternoon with nothing to do. The boys were in their rooms playing. Rick was napping. I went into my bedroom and cried with loneliness and grief. I missed my mother and the rest of my family. I felt rejected by my family. Sure, I had been invited and it was my choice not to go; but inwardly I was afraid that people were still hurt and angry with me and really didn't want me there. In my pain, I cried out to my Heavenly Father.

"Father, what do I do today?"

He answered me so clearly, "You could talk to me. So many of the people who love me are too busy for me today."

So, I began to pour my heart out to Him and tell Him how lonely and rejected I felt. He told me that He understood; that He, too, had been rejected.

"Yes, Lord, I know... the cross," I replied.

"No," He said, "before that."

Then, He led me through a profound Bible study, unfolding before me the history of rejection:

Satan was originally an anointed cherub named Lucifer, God's most beautiful creation, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. God loved him so much that He clothed Lucifer in precious stones and called him perfect! But, Lucifer rejected God! He rejected the position that God had given him and sought to exalt himself above God. Lucifer incited a rebellion in Heaven and turned one-third of the angelic Heavenly Host against God. One-third of the angels, that God created and loved, rejected Him. If all that wasn't enough, Adam, the first man that He created, rejected God by disobeying Him. Adam, whom He loved and walked with in the cool of the day, rejected Him. Since that time, men have continually rejected God through unbelief, disobedience and outright contempt. Even after God sent His own Son to bridge the gap that Adam's sin created, God is still rejected by millions. Every day, God reaches out to people through miracles, blessings and comfort, only to be rejected yet again. God has done nothing to bring on such rejection. Millions of people blame God for all the evil in the world - disease, natural disasters, famine and so on. Jesus made it clear in John 10:10 that "the thief comes not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." The thief He refers to is Satan. That same Lucifer that rejected God wreaks havoc in the world and deceives people into blaming God, so that they, like him, will reject the very One that loves them and gave them life.

After the Lord walked me through the scriptures, laying this all out before me, I wept. Not for myself, but for the rejection that my loving Father has endured.

"How," I asked, "how could you possibly endure all of this and not be moved by it?"

"Because," my Father answered, "none of it affects who I AM."

In that instant, I caught a glimpse of the Eternal God. Never changing. Eternally established. What I glimpsed of Him is truly too great for words. I also caught a flicker of who I am in Him. The spirit that He created when He created me is also eternal. The essence of who I am in Christ is hidden in Him. No person can ever change that. Rejection only affects me when I allow it to do so. In truth, rejection does not change who I am. Rejection by a person is merely an opinion. God's opinion of me never changes. He thinks the same of me now as He did when He first conceived the notion of me. In this life I live in the earth, my soul (my mind, will and emotions) is changeable. That part of me is continually (hopefully) being conformed to His image. When God sees me, He sees the finished work. He accepts me. He loves me. He will never reject me. He loves you the same way.

I often marveled at the endurance that Jesus had at the cross. How He forgave such utter rejection of Himself. Jesus told His disciples, "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." He witnessed Satan's rejection of His Father. I believe that Jesus understood before going to the cross that His Father was not asking Him to endure anything that He had not endured Himself. Like Father, like son. As Jesus told Philip (John 14:9), "He that has seen me has seen the Father." This knowledge has helped me so many times to forgive what has felt like scathing rejection. I still fall. I still allow my emotions to get tangled up in what people think. But, when I remember what my Father and my Lord Jesus have endured, I can remember who I am and I can get back up.

As we move deeper into the Christmas Season, and all the opportunities arise to feel lonely, rejected and unloved, I pray that you seek comfort in the One who has suffered more rejection than we can imagine. I also pray that you set aside a little time for our Father this Christmas. I encourage you to sit down and talk with Him. He has so much to share.

For my wonderful friends who will want to follow this Bible Study for themselves (Joy - you know I mean you), here are the scripture references:
Rejection by Lucifer and the angels - Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:11-17, Matthew 25:41, Luke 10:18, 2 Peter 2:4, Jude 1:6, Revelation 12:1-9.
Rejection by Adam - Genesis 3.
Rejection by mankind - 1 Samuel 8:7 and 10:19, 2 Kings 17:15, Isaiah 53:3, Matthew 21:42, Mark 8:31, Luke 7:30, 9:22 and 17:25.

Being Still

Be still, and know that I am God... ~ Psalm 46:10

Three weeks ago, I finished my painting and posted it here on my blog. The world has been so quiet since then. Well, maybe not the world, maybe just me. I have slept so peacefully and have truly rested for the first time in... I can't remember when. All is well with my soul. Will it stay that way? (giggle) Probably not. I'm an imperfect person living in a fallen world surrounded by other imperfect people. Storms will come. But, there's a stillness in my soul that I have not sensed in a long time, and this time it is deeper... stiller.

God seems... bigger.

Now, I know that God has not changed, so it must be that I have. Perhaps, I've emptied a bit more of myself out and made more room for Him. I sense a deeper understanding of His Sovereignty... a deeper trusting... a deeper reliance on Him. Whatever it is, I like it. I'm determined to keep it.

Jessey is prepping for final exams at college next week, which brings back memories for me. I remember that relentless grind that intensified those last few weeks before finals. There was so much pressure from every class, every professor, every assignment. I would come to the point in those last agonizing days of finishing assignments that I thought I would just go crazy. Then, in an instant, the last final was over and relief flooded my soul. I would go home to my parents' house and hole up in my room for a few days. I would watch movies and sleep. I would bask in the relief of no pressure. I would be still.

Yesterday, I recognized the similarity of that time to my life today. Those last few weeks I worked on my painting held all the pressure of final exams. Not an external pressure this time, but an internal one. A battle in my soul. The instant I finished the painting, it was over. Since then, I've been still. Sure, I've had bronchitis since just before Thanksgiving, but it hasn't really mattered. It's been like a minor discomfort in the background. A light affliction, just for a moment. It will pass. In fact, I think the bronchitis has helped me to be still. (Now, I am not saying that God gave me bronchitis to get me to rest. That's not scriptural. But, God will use every obstacle in our life for our benefit if we let Him.) About all I have done for three weeks is work at my job and rest. For me, at this time of year, that's nothing short of a miracle.

Christmas is only two weeks away and I am not stressed! It's amazing. Normally, I would be stressing over decorations, gifts, finances, shopping, shipping, parties, memories, baking and every little detail of life in the Christmas season. Not this year. The guys put up Christmas lights without my help. They're still not done, according to last year's standard; but the house is beautiful!! If more lights go up, fine; if not, fine. I'm leaving that to Rick and the boys. There is not one single decoration up in the house. No problem. The tree will go up this weekend. So will my Mom's nativity and village. That's all that matters. I've been shopping online. Almost done. I trust that I will feel like baking in a week or so. I am just not stressed about any of it. It's wonderful. Christmas will come no matter what we do or don't do. The Grinch taught me that ;) All the things that I have named are just traditions. They are meant to enhance the Christmas experience, not rule it or define it. Traditions should be an expression of our joy and gratitude, not a source of stress. Could it be that I am finally learning how to live by that?

To some, all of this may not seem like such a big deal. For me, it marks a profound change. In years past, the month of December was like the end of a college semester. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were the final exams. Pressure and stress ruled the season. Relief came on December 26th. Not so this year. The season hasn't changed. The traditions haven't changed. So, I guess I've changed. I've allowed myself to be still and let God be bigger than the circumstances, than me, than my need for control and perfection. There is such amazing peace in that. I can trust Him with all of my heart. Not to do what I want. But to do what is best. I can be still and trust Him.