Download

I love it when God gives me a download. It’s a beautiful thing – a powerful visual image combined with crystal clear understanding and the scriptures to back it up. Rare, but beautiful.

I received just such a download last Sunday. It came during worship, during the chorus of a song. I don’t even remember the song and it doesn’t even matter. The download came full and vivid and complete – a seamless flow of my Father’s loving grace. I was exhausted to my core. The download didn’t immediately fix that. I still went home and curled up in bed with a good book. What the download did was strengthen me. It reminded me of what He has done so that I may enter into God’s rest - that true deep rest that refreshes and revives. He knew that I needed it. He knew what was coming this week. Hard things. Heart-breaking things.

So, here’s the download:

Fighting battles wears you out.

I saw a warrior walking through the midst of a raging battle. All around, fire light flashed off of armor and swords. Clashing metal rang out amidst shouts and screams. Chaos surrounded the warrior on every side, but she walked amidst stillness. The battle parted before her and enemies fell to each side, leaving a wide berth as she passed through. She wasn’t bloodied or beleaguered. She was pristine. Untouched. Most importantly, she walked in victory. The battle still raged about her, but she walked through it knowing – KNOWING – KNOWING – that the battle was already won!

As I saw this vision, these words sprang from my heart: A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

The fullness of Psalms 91 swept over me. Because He is my refuge, no evil shall befall me. His angels have been given charge over me.

Then came Exodus 14:14, The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Or, as my favorite translation goes: GOD BATTLES! Shh!

I felt myself reaching out to God, wondering if it could really be that simple, and He answered me. My Father knows me so well, that He knows exactly what to show me. Jesus. For me, Jesus is always the last Word. I saw Jesus walking on the water, unmoved by the raging wind around Him. 

Later, I looked up the story in Mark 6:

And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land. And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them. But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out: For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, “Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.”  And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.

Notice two things here:

1. When the disciples were alone they were rowing against the wind, toiling and laboring and wearing themselves out; but when Jesus joined them, the wind ceased.
2. Jesus would have passed by them, except that they cried out. When they did that, he spoke peace and comfort to them and joined them. 

This tells me that when I find myself toiling and wearing myself out, I need to cry out to Jesus! He will give me rest.

I find that my Father brings me back to this again and again. I have tasted the rest of God. I have experienced periods of it and I know the peace that is found in having faith in Him. Still, my focus wanders and my Lord lovingly reminds me to return to Him and rest in Him. That doesn’t mean to just sit around doing nothing expecting God to subsidize my laziness. No! That means to live and work and serve and do what I can, while trusting Him to do what I cannot. 

There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God. For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief. ~ Hebrews 4:9-11

***

Father, I trust You right now to make all the crooked places straight, to heal broken hearts, and mend broken lives. I trust You to handle all the things that are too big and too difficult for me to even comprehend. I stand before You, a worn-out cranky child, reaching up my arms for You to lift me up, embrace me, and comfort me. But mostly, Father, I ask You to lift up the ones that can’t reach up to You right now. Please, lift them up, hold them, comfort them, and lavish them with Your love.

New Mercies

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.  ~ Lamentations 3:22-23

2014 was a brutal year. It was a year of dismay, grief, pain, and life-altering changes. Yes, there were snippets of joy, victory, and laughter throughout; but it left me with an overall sense of gloom. The last week of December found me stunned, heartbroken, and barely able to function. 

I spent much of this year's first weekend wrapped in a blanket in a dark, quiet room. No television. Just quiet. I read and slept and pondered the above scripture. I kept thinking New Year - New Mercies. It seems to me that if the Lord's mercies and compassions are new every morning, then how fresh they must be in the dawn of a new year! The thought gave me hope. 

By the grace of His mercy and His great love, I can move forward leaning on His eternal strength. I can face the trials ahead with the knowledge that He supplies all my needs - strength, wisdom, peace, patience, joy, faith, and hope. I don't have to manufacture them on my own. I simply ask, and thus I am able to draw them up from the deep well of His abundance:

His strength is made perfect in my weakness. 

His wisdom is freely given. 

His peace has already been given to me. 

Patience has her perfect work.

In His presence is fullness of joy.  

He is the author and the finisher of my faith. 

My hope is in Him.

Thank you, Lord, for a new year, new mercies, and Your unfailing compassions.

Photo credit - © 2014 Rick Welch 

Catching Up

Oh my, I have been away for far too long!

My last post was on my 49th birthday... only three months ago... well, nearly four. So, what have I been up to? I did a lot of writing in May, none of which I chose to share here. Some things were just for me. Other things are for later. May was a marvelous month! Lots of gardening, lots of heart-to-heart talks with the Lord (funny how those two things tend to go together), the beginning of summer movie blockbusters, and evenings sitting with my sweetheart.

Marvelous May changed into Joyful June (at least for the first half), because it was an extension of all the marvelous things in May... plus one really awesome day of fishing with my Dad and all the extended family. Then June became not so joyful. I had a very nasty fall which resulted in a severely sprained hip and a moderately sprained knee. The rest of June is a fog of pain, medication, crutches and laying back in the recliner because it hurt to sit. I have a very clear, happy memory of my guys taking me to see "The Searchers" at the theater. I had taken a pain pill, so sitting did not hurt too bad. It was so great to see John Wayne on the big screen for the first time in 34 years! Also, I remember my husband doing EVERYTHING! He completely ran the show around here and did an awesome job!!! Our sons were a great help too. I have never seen them so concerned about me. All in all, my guys spoiled me rotten. Except for the pain, it was pretty great!

Most of July is a blur, too. The highlight was that Rick and I had our 25th wedding anniversary. Since I was still on crutches, we could not take the trip that we had planned. That was a major bummer. But, we made the best of it and went out for a movie and dinner. It was lovely. Since our first ever movie date was spent watching a Disney princess - "Sleeping Beauty" - we thought it would be fitting to spend our 25th anniversary date watching another Disney princess; so we went to see "Brave." It was such fun! Then we went out for catfish and after that I was ready for the recliner and more pain meds. Not the wonderful celebration we had hoped for, but it was still very special. Hey, as long as I get to spend my anniversary with my man, then I'm blessed!

The highlight of August was our youngest son's 18th birthday.  I'm still in shock. My baby is grown! How could this happen? But, I have to say that I am very proud of that young man! He is so level-headed, kind and peaceful. I am amazed at his stability. In fact, I am very proud of both my sons! They are amazing men! I thank God for them continually!

So, as September approaches, I find myself on the mend. I am walking much easier. Sitting is still a pain, but I know that all is well. The past few months have been a difficult trial, but the Lord has been with me constantly. I have learned much about patience, healing, humility, faith and simply leaning on Jesus. I have learned that I am not superwoman, nor do I want to be. I've learned that my family can get along without my help, control and interference; but they'd rather not. That makes my heart so warm! I've been reminded what a blessing it is to simply walk. My Heavenly Father has turned this accident to my good in so many ways. I am grateful for His guidance, His companionship, His mercy, His patience and His healing touch. I am grateful for the grace that my husband and sons have extended to me throughout this trial. At times, I have been difficult, depressing and downright despicable. But, they loved me anyway! How absolutely divine is that? To be at your complete worst, yet still be loved!! I am exceedingly abundantly blessed!

Lord, help me to love others when they are at their worst. In fact, sometimes it's hard to love them when they are at their best. Please help me to see the good in them always. Make the eyes of my heart blind to outward appearances, so that I may see the heart of others as You do, Father. Help me to love with Your heart and extend mercy as do You. Thank You, Lord, for Your tender mercies!

Random Musings of Snow Days

Snowy Day Garden

Snow Day Weather: BRRRR! It is cold today!! I woke up this morning to teen temperatures and negative wind chill factors. Snow still covers the ground from yesterday's snowfall. Schools and many businesses are closed. The world is quiet as most people have gone into hibernation to wait out the weather. A perfect time to write a little personal blog. I've been hitting the Bible study blogs pretty heavily lately, so I thought this would be a nice change. 

Snow Day Adventure: Rick suggested that we go out for breakfast yesterday to check out the roads. About an hour later, I decided I was up for an adventure, so I agreed. I almost changed my mind when the passenger door on the truck would not open. It was frozen shut. The windshield wipers were frozen in place too. After sliding down our street and struggling with a hill, Rick decided to put the truck in four-wheel drive. He announced, "Now we'll get some traction." Then made a left turn and slid sideways down that street. I thought it was all funny until he made a right-on-red turn onto Highway 10. There were cars coming! Granted, they were a block away and doing about 10 miles per hour, but they were coming. And we were sliding again. Sideways, very slowly, down the highway, ahead of the other slowly moving cars. It was like being chased by zombies. We did actually make it to breakfast, and home safely. On the way home, we watched a big duel-wheel truck slide very slowly through a red light that he was trying to stop for. He never did get stopped. Thankfully, no one was moving toward him. The car across the intersection was just spinning, not going anywhere. It was quite a hilarious adventure!

Jessey making hot chocolate

Quinten on his 2nd day of the WoW Snow Day Marathon

Snow Day Gratitude: The boys are delighted to be out of school. Jessey is thankful that he has extra time to study for the test that was scheduled for today. He's also thankful that he does not have to drive his freshly painted car on treachery roads. Quinten is thankful for my decision that homeschoolers should get snow days too. Guess what he's doing? WoW! You're right! Quinten and I ventured outside last night to find out what 10 degree weather actually felt like. Despite my heavy coat, I was shivering in less than two minutes. Quinten insisted that it was not that bad.


Snow Day Accomplishments: I've been taking advantage of the lovely snow-reflected light that is shining into the studio - I've been painting. I have two in the works now. One is a seascape/beach scene. The other is a riverside scene that I began years ago, but never finished. I may title it "Letting Go." We'll see. Are you intrigued? I had to stop painting, though, and let both dry. One of the things I love about oil painting is the technique of layering. But that requires down time between layers. Nothing teaches you patience like waiting for paint to dry. 

Maow in her Snow Day camping spot on my bed.

Nommy on her Snow Day perch

Snow Day Pets: Did I mention that it's cold? The studio was so cold yesterday that we let the cats into our bedroom. They both slept on me last night. I didn't complain. We kept each other warm. Maow has staked out a spot on the bed and is camped there for the duration. Nommy can't be still that long. She played hunting cat from her perch today, while watching the squirrels and the birds in the back yard. Shadow and Faith made a record quick trip outside yesterday morning; but by afternoon they had decided that the snow was fun. They chased around, kicked up the snow and bit it. Twice yesterday, I had to make them come in so they wouldn't freeze.The dogs had one of their favorite treats earlier. After Jessey topped his hot chocolate with whipped cream, he squeezed out a bit for the dogs. It's so much fun to watch them catch falling whipped cream in mid-air. And if they miss, they clean up the mess themselves!

Shadow & Faith getting their Snow Day treat

Snow Day Question: "What are you doing?!" - which was asked of my repeatedly as I snuck up on people to take pictures of them. I'm sure the pets were thinking the same thing.


Snow Day Bliss: Family safe at home, enjoying the day. Getting to spend some time doing what I love.

My sweetheart is a good cook!

Snow Day Blessing: My wonderful husband cooking dinner! Cheesy Chicken Casserole is great comfort food on a cold night! Later, there will be a movie and munchies!

Snow Day Prayer: Lord, thank you for this day of much-needed rest. Also, thank you for the beautiful snowy landscape outside my window. Please keep all my friends and family safe today and blanket them with the warmth of your love. In Jesus' Name - Amen.

'Tis the Season...

'Tis the Season...to be jolly... to be joyful... to be grateful... to spend time with loved ones... to give... to love... to laugh... to celebrate... to decorate... to shop... to spend too much... to worry... to stress... to argue... to expect too much... to be disappointed... to miss those who have passed... to be depressed... to be lonely... to feel rejected and unloved.

Sad, but true. The Christmas Season is the most wonderful, joyful time of year for many. But, so many of those same people struggle with hurts and disappointments and memories of past Christmas pains. Been there, done that. Christmas has always been wonderfully special to me. However, at the same time, it has been difficult and often painful. There is one year in particular that I was heartbroken; but I received the most beautiful, priceless gift.

My mother moved to Heaven in 2003. If ever there was a woman who knew how to make Christmas special, it was her! I could fill an entire blog with the details of the decorations, lights, shopping adventures, red packages with handmade bows, cookies, pies, handmade gifts and family gatherings. It was all very magical and very wonderful!! When she passed on, Christmas was forever changed for our family. That first Christmas without her was hard, but the whole family struggled through together. Several months later, my dad moved out of the old homeplace of almost forty years and put it up for sale. That house and all its furnishings were, for me, a reflection of my mom's life. In that house, I still felt connected to her. To see it all dismantled, everything moved out and the house sold to strangers devastated me. It was like losing her all over again. I did not handle it well at all. I said and did things that hurt my family. I was very hurt myself.

When Christmas came that year, I could not bear the thought of attending a family gathering. Rick and the boys were struggling too and shared my feelings. We decided not to attend the family parties for either side of the family, Rick's or mine. We just wanted, needed, to have a Christmas to ourselves to heal.

It was traditional for both of our families to have Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was always a source of stress to fit so much into one day; but that also meant a day busy with excitement, fun and much to do. On this particular Christmas Eve, for the first time in my life, I found myself alone that afternoon with nothing to do. The boys were in their rooms playing. Rick was napping. I went into my bedroom and cried with loneliness and grief. I missed my mother and the rest of my family. I felt rejected by my family. Sure, I had been invited and it was my choice not to go; but inwardly I was afraid that people were still hurt and angry with me and really didn't want me there. In my pain, I cried out to my Heavenly Father.

"Father, what do I do today?"

He answered me so clearly, "You could talk to me. So many of the people who love me are too busy for me today."

So, I began to pour my heart out to Him and tell Him how lonely and rejected I felt. He told me that He understood; that He, too, had been rejected.

"Yes, Lord, I know... the cross," I replied.

"No," He said, "before that."

Then, He led me through a profound Bible study, unfolding before me the history of rejection:

Satan was originally an anointed cherub named Lucifer, God's most beautiful creation, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. God loved him so much that He clothed Lucifer in precious stones and called him perfect! But, Lucifer rejected God! He rejected the position that God had given him and sought to exalt himself above God. Lucifer incited a rebellion in Heaven and turned one-third of the angelic Heavenly Host against God. One-third of the angels, that God created and loved, rejected Him. If all that wasn't enough, Adam, the first man that He created, rejected God by disobeying Him. Adam, whom He loved and walked with in the cool of the day, rejected Him. Since that time, men have continually rejected God through unbelief, disobedience and outright contempt. Even after God sent His own Son to bridge the gap that Adam's sin created, God is still rejected by millions. Every day, God reaches out to people through miracles, blessings and comfort, only to be rejected yet again. God has done nothing to bring on such rejection. Millions of people blame God for all the evil in the world - disease, natural disasters, famine and so on. Jesus made it clear in John 10:10 that "the thief comes not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." The thief He refers to is Satan. That same Lucifer that rejected God wreaks havoc in the world and deceives people into blaming God, so that they, like him, will reject the very One that loves them and gave them life.

After the Lord walked me through the scriptures, laying this all out before me, I wept. Not for myself, but for the rejection that my loving Father has endured.

"How," I asked, "how could you possibly endure all of this and not be moved by it?"

"Because," my Father answered, "none of it affects who I AM."

In that instant, I caught a glimpse of the Eternal God. Never changing. Eternally established. What I glimpsed of Him is truly too great for words. I also caught a flicker of who I am in Him. The spirit that He created when He created me is also eternal. The essence of who I am in Christ is hidden in Him. No person can ever change that. Rejection only affects me when I allow it to do so. In truth, rejection does not change who I am. Rejection by a person is merely an opinion. God's opinion of me never changes. He thinks the same of me now as He did when He first conceived the notion of me. In this life I live in the earth, my soul (my mind, will and emotions) is changeable. That part of me is continually (hopefully) being conformed to His image. When God sees me, He sees the finished work. He accepts me. He loves me. He will never reject me. He loves you the same way.

I often marveled at the endurance that Jesus had at the cross. How He forgave such utter rejection of Himself. Jesus told His disciples, "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." He witnessed Satan's rejection of His Father. I believe that Jesus understood before going to the cross that His Father was not asking Him to endure anything that He had not endured Himself. Like Father, like son. As Jesus told Philip (John 14:9), "He that has seen me has seen the Father." This knowledge has helped me so many times to forgive what has felt like scathing rejection. I still fall. I still allow my emotions to get tangled up in what people think. But, when I remember what my Father and my Lord Jesus have endured, I can remember who I am and I can get back up.

As we move deeper into the Christmas Season, and all the opportunities arise to feel lonely, rejected and unloved, I pray that you seek comfort in the One who has suffered more rejection than we can imagine. I also pray that you set aside a little time for our Father this Christmas. I encourage you to sit down and talk with Him. He has so much to share.

For my wonderful friends who will want to follow this Bible Study for themselves (Joy - you know I mean you), here are the scripture references:
Rejection by Lucifer and the angels - Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:11-17, Matthew 25:41, Luke 10:18, 2 Peter 2:4, Jude 1:6, Revelation 12:1-9.
Rejection by Adam - Genesis 3.
Rejection by mankind - 1 Samuel 8:7 and 10:19, 2 Kings 17:15, Isaiah 53:3, Matthew 21:42, Mark 8:31, Luke 7:30, 9:22 and 17:25.

Random Musings of the Day

Goal of the Day: To have more fun with this blog and stop being so uptight. Everything I write does not have to be some profound insight. Duh! :P I am free to be myself and find my voice. I will stop getting twisted up with who might read this and what they might think! I am going to R-E-L-A-X! Oh dear, what a concept!

Good News of the Day: According to the LA Times, polling data indicates that younger viewers are more likely to love the movie "Inception" and older viewers are more likely to dislike it. Hooray! I'm young!! Loved the movie!

Accomplishments of the Day: Grocery shopping and finally getting around to creating the worksheets that I have not wanted to do. And, hopefully, this blog.

Pet of the Day: Shadow in his favorite spot! He is an Australian Shepherd/Keeshond mix that we have had since birth. He got very depressed when his mom, Chewie, died in 2006 and put on a lot of weight. I haven't helped matters by supporting his Milkbone habit. The guys fuss at me for supplying his "fixes". Shadow is Quinten's best bud! He is also a 75 pound lapdog if we let him be. He catches tennis balls like a pro and will bring them back every time (unlike his sister) until he gets tired. He and his sister Faith turned 10 years old last May. Shadow is a bona fide good dog!

Pet Peeve of the Day: Generalizations! I had a wake up call this morning and I've decided that I'm very displeased at being told things like, "everything you do..." or "you never ever..." or "you always say..."! Such things are exaggerations and usually downright lies from the father of lies and I'm not buying into that nonsense anymore. I have been told such generalizations before and been absolutely guilt-ridden with myself only to wake up to several examples that blatantly disprove the accusation. So, fair warning mankind, if you speak to me in the future using such a generalization, I'm closing my ears. And I will do my best to keep it out of my dialogue because it is poor, self-serving, defensive, psuedo-communication that accomplishes nothing positive.

Jessey Quote of the Day: "Come kill it please?" Followed by an explanation of how he can generally kill things on his own, but this is a wasp... in his room.... (BTW, Dad killed it and no one got stung.)

Observation of the Day: Kitty Mau just stormed past me with a look of indignation. Guess she wanted to be Pet of the Day.

Spiritual Insight of the Day: The human spirit is like a rechargeable battery. If we plug into the things of God - love, joy, peace, faith, kindness... - we recharge. All the negative things of the world drain us. We should recharge daily! ...or constantly!!

Be Blessed...

Adventures in Blogging & Late Night Giggle Fests

Jessey came to my rescue last night and figured out how to get my painting up as a background behind my blog. Thank you, son! I love having an in-house hacker! I haven't done HTML in years and CSS is a whole new adventure for me; but I'm learning.

Jessey completed my rescue about midnight and as he went back to doing laundry, Quinten came to hang out with me. Let the giggle fest begin! We talked about WOW for awhile (I should say, he talked, I listened). Gradually, everything became hilarious... the cats... downloading a sword app... even the squeak that his chair made. I love those moments.