Download

I love it when God gives me a download. It’s a beautiful thing – a powerful visual image combined with crystal clear understanding and the scriptures to back it up. Rare, but beautiful.

I received just such a download last Sunday. It came during worship, during the chorus of a song. I don’t even remember the song and it doesn’t even matter. The download came full and vivid and complete – a seamless flow of my Father’s loving grace. I was exhausted to my core. The download didn’t immediately fix that. I still went home and curled up in bed with a good book. What the download did was strengthen me. It reminded me of what He has done so that I may enter into God’s rest - that true deep rest that refreshes and revives. He knew that I needed it. He knew what was coming this week. Hard things. Heart-breaking things.

So, here’s the download:

Fighting battles wears you out.

I saw a warrior walking through the midst of a raging battle. All around, fire light flashed off of armor and swords. Clashing metal rang out amidst shouts and screams. Chaos surrounded the warrior on every side, but she walked amidst stillness. The battle parted before her and enemies fell to each side, leaving a wide berth as she passed through. She wasn’t bloodied or beleaguered. She was pristine. Untouched. Most importantly, she walked in victory. The battle still raged about her, but she walked through it knowing – KNOWING – KNOWING – that the battle was already won!

As I saw this vision, these words sprang from my heart: A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

The fullness of Psalms 91 swept over me. Because He is my refuge, no evil shall befall me. His angels have been given charge over me.

Then came Exodus 14:14, The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Or, as my favorite translation goes: GOD BATTLES! Shh!

I felt myself reaching out to God, wondering if it could really be that simple, and He answered me. My Father knows me so well, that He knows exactly what to show me. Jesus. For me, Jesus is always the last Word. I saw Jesus walking on the water, unmoved by the raging wind around Him. 

Later, I looked up the story in Mark 6:

And when even was come, the ship was in the midst of the sea, and he alone on the land. And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of the night he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them. But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out: For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, “Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid.”  And he went up unto them into the ship; and the wind ceased: and they were sore amazed in themselves beyond measure, and wondered.

Notice two things here:

1. When the disciples were alone they were rowing against the wind, toiling and laboring and wearing themselves out; but when Jesus joined them, the wind ceased.
2. Jesus would have passed by them, except that they cried out. When they did that, he spoke peace and comfort to them and joined them. 

This tells me that when I find myself toiling and wearing myself out, I need to cry out to Jesus! He will give me rest.

I find that my Father brings me back to this again and again. I have tasted the rest of God. I have experienced periods of it and I know the peace that is found in having faith in Him. Still, my focus wanders and my Lord lovingly reminds me to return to Him and rest in Him. That doesn’t mean to just sit around doing nothing expecting God to subsidize my laziness. No! That means to live and work and serve and do what I can, while trusting Him to do what I cannot. 

There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God. For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief. ~ Hebrews 4:9-11

***

Father, I trust You right now to make all the crooked places straight, to heal broken hearts, and mend broken lives. I trust You to handle all the things that are too big and too difficult for me to even comprehend. I stand before You, a worn-out cranky child, reaching up my arms for You to lift me up, embrace me, and comfort me. But mostly, Father, I ask You to lift up the ones that can’t reach up to You right now. Please, lift them up, hold them, comfort them, and lavish them with Your love.

Just Bein' a Bear...

"Surly Bear" - ink sketch

I woke up today feeling like Surly Bear. Tired, achy, and grumpy. As the day progressed, Snarly Bear even made a few appearances. I imagine this is what a bear feels like when her hibernation is interrupted. I know why I'm this way. I've been pushing too hard. I've been too busy for too long. I need to hibernate.

When I was a teenager, my uncle Jim nicknamed me "Bear," because I spent so much time in my bedroom. He said I was hibernating. In a way, I guess I was. I'd hibernate for awhile everyday after school. I needed that quiet time to unwind after eight hours of people, voices, noise, crowded hallways, concentration, learning, and praying that I didn't have to talk to anybody but my closest friends. I'm so thankful that Mom understood and allowed me that time as much as possible. Now, as an adult, it seems that there is always something needing to be done or someone needing my attention. I literally forget to hibernate. It's silly, I know. Like forgetting to eat, which I do far too often. It's a good thing that breathing is involuntary, or I'd get too busy for that.

Why is hibernation so necessary for me? Because I'm an introvert. I've known this since a very young age, yet back then the word introvert was synonymous with words like shy, withdrawn, and anti-social. It was thought that introverts just weren't comfortable around people. Made sense to me. I wasn't comfortable around people. I just never understood why. Today, there is a better understanding of introversion and extroversion. They both have to do with energy. Extroverts are energized by being around other people. Introverts, however, are drained by social situations. Instead, we draw energy from solitude. At least, that's the short, simplified explanation. There are lots of better explanations available, so I'll leave it at that. If you're hungry for more, I recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It helped me. A lot.

So, I've accepted that I'm a Bear, and as such I need to hibernate at times. If I don't, then I have to contend with Surly Bear, who's irritable and moody, or Snarly Bear, who snaps at the people she loves. There's also Edgy Bear, who's a pain because she can't be still and frets about every little thing. Those three bears are bad enough, but if not dealt with, they tend to transform into Dreary Bear that just sits like a lump and sees only bad things. Let's not even speak of the dreaded Raging Grizzly-Witchy Bear. It's always best to hibernate long before she gets loose.

Thankfully, in my home the phrase, "I need to introvert," is spoken and understood. I live with two more introverts and an extrovert with anti-social tendencies. We understand the need to hibernate. My challenge is that I allow other things to seem more important. I allow time to slip through my fingers in the name of busy. I am working to change that. Right now. This is hibernation. Even if it's only for a few hours or a few minutes. 

I believe that God intentionally created me to be an introvert. He knew who I would be and how I would need to be it. So, wisdom tells me to accept what I need and make room for it in my life. I need quiet time in which to unwind, think, create, pray, and simply BE. I need to absorb nature - feel the wind, listen to the birds, smell the flowers, and warm in the sun. I need to get lost in a story, whether it's a book, a movie, or something I'm writing or daydreaming. I need to immerse myself in an art project and contemplate the mystical-magical interaction of light and color. I need to draw a line to see where it takes me. I need to get comfortable, take a deep breath, exhale, and truly relax. I need to have a deep heart-to-heart with my Father Creator, not just prayer-on-the-fly. I need to BE. And when I do such things, I get to be Cozy Bear, who is relaxed, content, and at peace. 

***

Lord, thank you for making me who I am. Please teach me how to be the me You see.

New Mercies

It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.  ~ Lamentations 3:22-23

2014 was a brutal year. It was a year of dismay, grief, pain, and life-altering changes. Yes, there were snippets of joy, victory, and laughter throughout; but it left me with an overall sense of gloom. The last week of December found me stunned, heartbroken, and barely able to function. 

I spent much of this year's first weekend wrapped in a blanket in a dark, quiet room. No television. Just quiet. I read and slept and pondered the above scripture. I kept thinking New Year - New Mercies. It seems to me that if the Lord's mercies and compassions are new every morning, then how fresh they must be in the dawn of a new year! The thought gave me hope. 

By the grace of His mercy and His great love, I can move forward leaning on His eternal strength. I can face the trials ahead with the knowledge that He supplies all my needs - strength, wisdom, peace, patience, joy, faith, and hope. I don't have to manufacture them on my own. I simply ask, and thus I am able to draw them up from the deep well of His abundance:

His strength is made perfect in my weakness. 

His wisdom is freely given. 

His peace has already been given to me. 

Patience has her perfect work.

In His presence is fullness of joy.  

He is the author and the finisher of my faith. 

My hope is in Him.

Thank you, Lord, for a new year, new mercies, and Your unfailing compassions.

Photo credit - © 2014 Rick Welch