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| "Surly Bear" - ink sketch |
When I was a teenager, my uncle Jim nicknamed me "Bear," because I spent so much time in my bedroom. He said I was hibernating. In a way, I guess I was. I'd hibernate for awhile everyday after school. I needed that quiet time to unwind after eight hours of people, voices, noise, crowded hallways, concentration, learning, and praying that I didn't have to talk to anybody but my closest friends. I'm so thankful that Mom understood and allowed me that time as much as possible. Now, as an adult, it seems that there is always something needing to be done or someone needing my attention. I literally forget to hibernate. It's silly, I know. Like forgetting to eat, which I do far too often. It's a good thing that breathing is involuntary, or I'd get too busy for that.
Why is hibernation so necessary for me? Because I'm an introvert. I've known this since a very young age, yet back then the word introvert was synonymous with words like shy, withdrawn, and anti-social. It was thought that introverts just weren't comfortable around people. Made sense to me. I wasn't comfortable around people. I just never understood why. Today, there is a better understanding of introversion and extroversion. They both have to do with energy. Extroverts are energized by being around other people. Introverts, however, are drained by social situations. Instead, we draw energy from solitude. At least, that's the short, simplified explanation. There are lots of better explanations available, so I'll leave it at that. If you're hungry for more, I recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain. It helped me. A lot.
So, I've accepted that I'm a Bear, and as such I need to hibernate at times. If I don't, then I have to contend with Surly Bear, who's irritable and moody, or Snarly Bear, who snaps at the people she loves. There's also Edgy Bear, who's a pain because she can't be still and frets about every little thing. Those three bears are bad enough, but if not dealt with, they tend to transform into Dreary Bear that just sits like a lump and sees only bad things. Let's not even speak of the dreaded Raging Grizzly-Witchy Bear. It's always best to hibernate long before she gets loose.
Thankfully, in my home the phrase, "I need to introvert," is spoken and understood. I live with two more introverts and an extrovert with anti-social tendencies. We understand the need to hibernate. My challenge is that I allow other things to seem more important. I allow time to slip through my fingers in the name of busy. I am working to change that. Right now. This is hibernation. Even if it's only for a few hours or a few minutes.
I believe that God intentionally created me to be an introvert. He knew who I would be and how I would need to be it. So, wisdom tells me to accept what I need and make room for it in my life. I need quiet time in which to unwind, think, create, pray, and simply BE. I need to absorb nature - feel the wind, listen to the birds, smell the flowers, and warm in the sun. I need to get lost in a story, whether it's a book, a movie, or something I'm writing or daydreaming. I need to immerse myself in an art project and contemplate the mystical-magical interaction of light and color. I need to draw a line to see where it takes me. I need to get comfortable, take a deep breath, exhale, and truly relax. I need to have a deep heart-to-heart with my Father Creator, not just prayer-on-the-fly. I need to BE. And when I do such things, I get to be Cozy Bear, who is relaxed, content, and at peace.
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Lord, thank you for making me who I am. Please teach me how to be the me You see.
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