Letting Go

I started this painting in the 90's. (Eek! It's about time I finished it.) I had everything painted except the ripples in the water and the flowers. I don't know why, but I just set it aside. I pulled it out of storage last summer and have had it sitting in my kitchen - looking at it. The Lord began to talk to me about it and so, I had to finish. I worked on it once in February and today and that's all it took. But, it took a lot of work on me to get here.

The painting was inspired by a story I once heard about a Native American tradition of dealing with the past. I heard the story on a TV show (Northern Exposure, I think), so I wouldn't count on it being historically accurate. The story goes that when a person needed to let go of the past, she would write letters to her ancestors or gather items that had past significance and take them to the river. She would release them into the river, trusting the water to deliver them to the spirits of her ancestors. Since rivers carry things away and never return, this was a way of releasing those hindrances and hurts from the past.

On my 30th birthday, I went camping alone. I had gathered some things. I wrote a few letters. I sent some stuff down the river. I burned a few things in the campfire too. I prayed... a lot. I let go of a lot. Later, I decided to paint the story. I think I stopped painting because I didn't fully understand the depth of letting go. God still needed to deal with me, teach me and bring me to where I am today.

When I finished the painting today, I said, "it is what it is." I realized that I could have fussed with it more and try to make parts of it better. But, it was time to let go and move on. Do you see the figures in the water, reaching for the flowers? They were in my original plan for the painting and that was all I really needed to paint to be finished. I debated about whether to include them, since they seem rather pagan. But, to me they represent acceptance and peace. The past is resolved. It is what it is.

For the past several months, God has been dealing with me about letting go of some things. Mistakes, hurts, disappointments, expectations, plans that never came to pass, people's opinions of me and so on. Two phrases have returned to my thoughts again and again:

Whatever happened, happened.

Don't look back.

The first is a quote from my much-missed TV show Lost. It basically means the same as "it is what it is." Certain things happen in life that can't be changed no matter how hard we try. History (despite what the revisionists think), situations, experiences, words spoken by us or to us - they can't be changed. People's opinions of us cannot be changed by us, only by the person with the opinion. I have spent way too much of my life on would've-could've-should've, what if..., and yeah but.... These are all ways of obsessing about something which we cannot control. I have replayed things in my head over and over. Has any of that effort ever changed the past? No. never. The past is what it is. Whatever happened, happened. A big part of letting go is learning to accept that concept and get to the place where we can honestly say, "OK, I can't change it and I'm not going to waste my time with trying."

I was talking to Rick about all of this awhile back and he said, "don't look back." When he said it, I immediately heard that line from CCR's song Run Through the Jungle - "Don't look back." I have heard that in my head so many times in the past several months! Just as replaying the past is obsessing, looking back is grieving over what is no more or what might have been. Another dead end street. We can spend our lives looking back, but it won't bring back the good things or change the bad. Looking back did not work out well for Lot's wife - she turned into a pillar of salt. That may not happen to us, but looking back will feed the grief and keep it alive. Feeding things just makes them get bigger. Stop feeding it, it dies. Don't look back.

We have to stop grieving and obsessing over what we cannot control. That's really what it's all about. We lack the control to change the past. We never had that kind of control and we never will. However, we can change our present and our future. We keep our eyes focused ahead. Of course we can't control other people - past, present or future. We have to learn to accept that and let go of those things others do that rub us the wrong way. Fear often tries to grip us and keep us looking back. We are afraid of being hurt, betrayed, rejected, ridiculed, invalidated, cheated or denied all over again. But, when we truly enter into the love of God and allow Him to heal all those wounded places, we learn that being wounded does not have to be so tragic. We learn to run to the Healer, cast all the cares on Him, receive His restoration and move forward. It's a process that may take some time; but it's worth the effort. It is God's will for us. Paul said it this way:

...but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 3:8-14

The past is what it is.

Whatever happened, happened.

Don't look back.

Let go.

Press forward.

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Notes on the painting: "Letting Go" by Carol Ann Welch, oil on canvas, 16"x20", Copyright 2011.