~ Isaiah 41:10
In less than a week, I will be boarding a plane and flying to Germany on a missions trip. It will be my third time to travel by air, and my first time to travel internationally. I will be away from my guys for two weeks - which, for me, is by far the most challenging aspect of the journey. I am very excited and filled with anticipation of all the great things that God is going to do on this trip. But I am also very anxious about the unknowns that are involved. I know that I have been very quiet for the past several weeks - at least publicly. In private, however, I've been a motormouth. God and Rick get to hear everything. It's been a time apart for me. A time to deal with fear, anxiety, questions and doubts. A time of preparation. It has been time well spent.
Over the past few weeks, I have been continually reminded of a certain journey that I took with my guys back in 2007. I learned a very important lesson on that journey - a lesson that has helped to prepare me for what's ahead in the next few weeks.
Rick, Jessey, Quinten and I went on vacation in Colorado in July 2007. We stayed in Durango and drove up to Silverton for the day to rent a jeep and go four-wheeling. Now, this jeep ride was my idea in the first place. Sitting at my computer in Texas, looking at the jeep rental website, it seemed like fun. After all, four-wheeling in Texas was fun. Of course we don't have mountains around here. It really did not dawn on me what kind of roads we would be traveling until we were standing in the jeep rental place in Silverton. I asked the shop owner, "the roads aren't going to be way up in the mountains are they?" He looked at me like I was an idiot. Well, I was. I mean, duh, Carol. We were already way up in the mountains. The problem was that I was terrified of driving mountain roads. I love the mountains! They are absolutely beautiful! But the roads freak me out! I had already been white-knuckling the trip through the pass to get from Durango to Silverton. Now, I was going to get in a jeep and go further up the mountain on a dirt road. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.
So, we climbed in the jeep and headed out. Rick driving, of course, Jessey riding shotgun, and Quinten and I squeezed into the backseat (jeeps are very small). We drove out of town, enjoying the scenery and excited about the trip. At least, the guys were excited. I was growing more paranoid with each passing minute. As we began the ascent up the one lane dirt road, and I got a look at the road ahead (or should I say "above") us, I was gripped by the strongest, deepest, darkest terror I have ever felt in my life. It was completely unreasonable and unfounded, but there it was. I had a full blown panic attack with my heart pounding, chest constricted and unable to breath. I was screeching at Rick to watch the edge of the road, be careful, turn around, back up, stop and let me out! He managed to ignore me for awhile. Finally, I got loud enough and he got mad enough. As soon as he found a wide spot in the road, he pulled over. I bailed out of that jeep, fully intending to walk back to town. I was shaking all over. I kept envisioning that jeep tipping off the edge of the road and plummeting downward. I was gripped by the fear of falling and could not shake it.
The guys did not understand what was going on with me. Mom was freaking out. Rick and Jessey were furious because I was spoiling their fun. Then, I looked at Quinten's face. He was scared. My fear was transferring to him. That was enough. I walked away from the jeep and made up my mind to get hold of myself. I began to pray. After a few minutes, Rick had calmed down and he came to ask me what was going on. I told him. He prayed with me. He offered to take me back to town. But I knew I had to keep going. I went back to the jeep, apologized to the boys and explained my fear to them. I told Quinten that I knew we were safe, and that it was just an irrational fear. I told him that God would protect us.
We continued our journey up the mountain. The dirt road was narrow and rough with a straight drop off on one side for most of the trip. There was actually a lot of traffic on the road. Whenever we met a vehicle coming from the other direction, Rick would ease that jeep up the incline and make the other car pass on the outside. I loved him for that! I have to say that my husband can drive anything, anywhere, anytime. He is fearless! I would trust his driving over a professional stunt driver every time! The worst part of the journey up the pass was a particular series of switchbacks above the timberline. No trees, just straight drop down the mountain. The road switched back and forth across bare rock. As we came around one turn, we had to switchback to the left over a big rock. We were driving at an insane angle. I think Rick actually sweated a bit on that one. I just prayed. I prayed in the Holy Spirit continually all the way up to that first pass. Jessey videotaped the journey and you can hear me in the backseat praying with all my might. I became a prayer warrior that day.
When we finally reached the top of Engineer Pass, we stopped for a break. I crawled out of that jeep trembling, made my way off the side of the road and sat down on the ground. I put my face in my hands and said, "Lord, if I had known it would be like this I wouldn't have come."
I heard the Lord's reply so clearly, "Then you would have missed this. Look."
I opened my eyes and looked out over the most beautiful mountains I have ever seen. It was breathtaking! Here's the photo, but I promise you it does not do it justice.
On the other side of the road, I was met with this wonderful sight:
I cannot express the thrill of sitting on the top of a mountain and hearing the Lord's voice as clear as a bell. If I had given in to fear, I would have missed it. Instead, I let faith transport me up that mountain to victory.
We drove down from Engineer Pass and into Lake City, then went up Cinnamon Pass to return to Silverton. The rest of the trip was easy compared to that first ascent. We finished the day exhausted, but content. Our little adventure is still one of our favorite family memories.
As I prepare for my newest adventure, I find myself thinking about those mountains. And I get very excited....
Stay tuned....
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