Casting Off the Straight Jacket

David

Saul gave his own armor to David for him to wear: a bronze helmet, which he put on David's head, and a coat of armor. David strapped Saul's sword over the armor and tried to walk, but he couldn't, because he wasn't used to wearing them. "I can't fight with all this," he said to Saul. "I'm not used to it." So he took it all off. ~ 1 Samuel 17:38-39

Yesterday, I got this very clear vision of myself struggling out of a constricting jacket and working very hard to cast it off. "That's odd," I thought. I sat back to wonder why I would see such a thing, only to realize that it was exactly how I felt.

As I chased the vision, I was immersed in the feeling of trying to take off a jacket that is too tight and it is simply not cooperating. I'm sure everyone has experienced it. You're cramped in the car, it's gotten too warm and you must rid yourself of that garment before the light turns green. You try to slip out of the sleeves, but they won't quite let go. So, you fling your arms. You pull. You wiggle. You strain. You become increasingly frustrated. You even begin to get a bit claustrophobic. But, you're determined! Finally, with one herculean effort, you emerge from the binding annoyance and fling it away into the back seat. Good riddance!!

I believe this vision was a signal to me that I am finally shedding the spiritual straight-jacket that I have been wearing for far too long. Sure, the vision brought associations of a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon as a beautiful butterfly flitting off to blissful freedom; but, I'm telling you, this felt like escaping from the bondage of a straight-jacket. And it felt like I had to dislocate parts of myself to do it - the same way that Houdini had to dislocate his shoulders to make his famous escapes.

I say a spiritual straight-jacket, because it has been a spiritual bondage. For a long time now, I have been gaining new revelation of the word of God. I am seeing things in a new light. These revelations have challenged what I have been taught in many key areas. They are not radical changes in doctrine, but rather a fine-tuning. Please understand that I don't think anyone has put me in bondage. I put myself there. I've tried to please people, to conform to the expectations of others, to understand and abide in biblical concepts in ways that make no sense to me. I've tried to wear other people's ideas, methods, expectations, and convictions even though they just don't fit me! I am reminded of David as he prepared to go out against Goliath. At Saul's insistence, David put on the king's heavy armor. Thankfully, the young man had enough sense to cast it off and point out that it didn't work for him! He wasn't afraid of what the king would say or if he would be angry. He didn't second guess himself and think, "oh, the king must be right, because he is after all the king, so I should just do what he says." No. David's confidence was in God. He obeyed the call of God down to the smallest detail, in spite of those around him who by their authority should "know best".

God knows each of us individually and intimately. He knows my thoughts, my strengths, my weaknesses, my struggles, my personality. He knows how I can be most effective for His kingdom. Yes, we are all called to serve and are all called to obey His word. But, the detailed methods for walking that out on a daily basis are unique to each one of us. The same sermon that fires up one person and inspires him to seek God may cause another person to be buried in condemnation and run from God. We are all different. God created us that way.

A few years ago, I read an article about the difficulties that introverts tend to have in churches. By nature of their personalities, church leaders tend to be extroverts and often expect everyone around them to be the same. That article really spoke to some of the trials that I was experiencing at the time. Too many times I've tried to fit my round self into a square hole, because I was raised to do what I was told, when I was told, the way I was told, without question. I believe this is much of what I'm shaking off.

Could it be that I am finally taking my personal walk with God and truly making it my own? I hope so.

Father, as I move forward into this new year, please grant me the courage and boldness of David to do your will, your way - even if it means that I have to risk rejection by telling someone that their way doesn't work for me. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the wisdom to divide your word rightly, so that it always brings light into my life. Thank you for the strength to step out into new revelation and shake off traditional interpretations of your word in favor of new wine and fresh manna.