Did We Win in 2010?

If we kept the faith,

if we loved God,

if we loved others,

if we showed mercy,

if we forgave trespasses,

if we forgave ourselves,

if we stood back up after falling,

if we gave,

if we were a light in the darkness,

if we were the salt that flavored a life,

if we looked beyond ourselves,

if we met another's need,

if we fought the good fight,

if we persevered,

if we worshiped God,

if we honored Him,

if we gave Him glory,

if we simply believed Him...

...then we won.

~ ~ ~

My pastor, Linda Silverman, declared this time last year that we were destined to win in 2010. She has repeated that phrase so often throughout the year. She preached many messages that prepared us for battle and launched us toward victory. As she has said many times, you can't win without a battle. You can't make the grade without being tested. You can't overcome unless there's an obstacle. Thank you, Pastor, for training us to be good soldiers.

Everyone that I know has faced battles in 2010. Some big, some bigger, some epic. As the year neared its close, I began to seek the Lord about whether we did win in 2010. What is written above is the answer that He placed in my heart. As I wrote it, I realized that His concept of winning may be just a little different than what we expected. Maybe we didn't win the lottery or that great job or promotion. Maybe we didn't win a new car, a new house or a new wardrobe. Maybe that illness remains. Maybe all our problems weren't miraculously solved and tied up with a pretty bow. But maybe, just maybe, if we can look at God's list of victories and find those that were true of our lives in 2010, then we can step into 2011 as winners.

Victory!

~ ~ ~

'Tis the Season...

'Tis the Season...to be jolly... to be joyful... to be grateful... to spend time with loved ones... to give... to love... to laugh... to celebrate... to decorate... to shop... to spend too much... to worry... to stress... to argue... to expect too much... to be disappointed... to miss those who have passed... to be depressed... to be lonely... to feel rejected and unloved.

Sad, but true. The Christmas Season is the most wonderful, joyful time of year for many. But, so many of those same people struggle with hurts and disappointments and memories of past Christmas pains. Been there, done that. Christmas has always been wonderfully special to me. However, at the same time, it has been difficult and often painful. There is one year in particular that I was heartbroken; but I received the most beautiful, priceless gift.

My mother moved to Heaven in 2003. If ever there was a woman who knew how to make Christmas special, it was her! I could fill an entire blog with the details of the decorations, lights, shopping adventures, red packages with handmade bows, cookies, pies, handmade gifts and family gatherings. It was all very magical and very wonderful!! When she passed on, Christmas was forever changed for our family. That first Christmas without her was hard, but the whole family struggled through together. Several months later, my dad moved out of the old homeplace of almost forty years and put it up for sale. That house and all its furnishings were, for me, a reflection of my mom's life. In that house, I still felt connected to her. To see it all dismantled, everything moved out and the house sold to strangers devastated me. It was like losing her all over again. I did not handle it well at all. I said and did things that hurt my family. I was very hurt myself.

When Christmas came that year, I could not bear the thought of attending a family gathering. Rick and the boys were struggling too and shared my feelings. We decided not to attend the family parties for either side of the family, Rick's or mine. We just wanted, needed, to have a Christmas to ourselves to heal.

It was traditional for both of our families to have Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was always a source of stress to fit so much into one day; but that also meant a day busy with excitement, fun and much to do. On this particular Christmas Eve, for the first time in my life, I found myself alone that afternoon with nothing to do. The boys were in their rooms playing. Rick was napping. I went into my bedroom and cried with loneliness and grief. I missed my mother and the rest of my family. I felt rejected by my family. Sure, I had been invited and it was my choice not to go; but inwardly I was afraid that people were still hurt and angry with me and really didn't want me there. In my pain, I cried out to my Heavenly Father.

"Father, what do I do today?"

He answered me so clearly, "You could talk to me. So many of the people who love me are too busy for me today."

So, I began to pour my heart out to Him and tell Him how lonely and rejected I felt. He told me that He understood; that He, too, had been rejected.

"Yes, Lord, I know... the cross," I replied.

"No," He said, "before that."

Then, He led me through a profound Bible study, unfolding before me the history of rejection:

Satan was originally an anointed cherub named Lucifer, God's most beautiful creation, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. God loved him so much that He clothed Lucifer in precious stones and called him perfect! But, Lucifer rejected God! He rejected the position that God had given him and sought to exalt himself above God. Lucifer incited a rebellion in Heaven and turned one-third of the angelic Heavenly Host against God. One-third of the angels, that God created and loved, rejected Him. If all that wasn't enough, Adam, the first man that He created, rejected God by disobeying Him. Adam, whom He loved and walked with in the cool of the day, rejected Him. Since that time, men have continually rejected God through unbelief, disobedience and outright contempt. Even after God sent His own Son to bridge the gap that Adam's sin created, God is still rejected by millions. Every day, God reaches out to people through miracles, blessings and comfort, only to be rejected yet again. God has done nothing to bring on such rejection. Millions of people blame God for all the evil in the world - disease, natural disasters, famine and so on. Jesus made it clear in John 10:10 that "the thief comes not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." The thief He refers to is Satan. That same Lucifer that rejected God wreaks havoc in the world and deceives people into blaming God, so that they, like him, will reject the very One that loves them and gave them life.

After the Lord walked me through the scriptures, laying this all out before me, I wept. Not for myself, but for the rejection that my loving Father has endured.

"How," I asked, "how could you possibly endure all of this and not be moved by it?"

"Because," my Father answered, "none of it affects who I AM."

In that instant, I caught a glimpse of the Eternal God. Never changing. Eternally established. What I glimpsed of Him is truly too great for words. I also caught a flicker of who I am in Him. The spirit that He created when He created me is also eternal. The essence of who I am in Christ is hidden in Him. No person can ever change that. Rejection only affects me when I allow it to do so. In truth, rejection does not change who I am. Rejection by a person is merely an opinion. God's opinion of me never changes. He thinks the same of me now as He did when He first conceived the notion of me. In this life I live in the earth, my soul (my mind, will and emotions) is changeable. That part of me is continually (hopefully) being conformed to His image. When God sees me, He sees the finished work. He accepts me. He loves me. He will never reject me. He loves you the same way.

I often marveled at the endurance that Jesus had at the cross. How He forgave such utter rejection of Himself. Jesus told His disciples, "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." He witnessed Satan's rejection of His Father. I believe that Jesus understood before going to the cross that His Father was not asking Him to endure anything that He had not endured Himself. Like Father, like son. As Jesus told Philip (John 14:9), "He that has seen me has seen the Father." This knowledge has helped me so many times to forgive what has felt like scathing rejection. I still fall. I still allow my emotions to get tangled up in what people think. But, when I remember what my Father and my Lord Jesus have endured, I can remember who I am and I can get back up.

As we move deeper into the Christmas Season, and all the opportunities arise to feel lonely, rejected and unloved, I pray that you seek comfort in the One who has suffered more rejection than we can imagine. I also pray that you set aside a little time for our Father this Christmas. I encourage you to sit down and talk with Him. He has so much to share.

For my wonderful friends who will want to follow this Bible Study for themselves (Joy - you know I mean you), here are the scripture references:
Rejection by Lucifer and the angels - Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:11-17, Matthew 25:41, Luke 10:18, 2 Peter 2:4, Jude 1:6, Revelation 12:1-9.
Rejection by Adam - Genesis 3.
Rejection by mankind - 1 Samuel 8:7 and 10:19, 2 Kings 17:15, Isaiah 53:3, Matthew 21:42, Mark 8:31, Luke 7:30, 9:22 and 17:25.

Being Still

Be still, and know that I am God... ~ Psalm 46:10

Three weeks ago, I finished my painting and posted it here on my blog. The world has been so quiet since then. Well, maybe not the world, maybe just me. I have slept so peacefully and have truly rested for the first time in... I can't remember when. All is well with my soul. Will it stay that way? (giggle) Probably not. I'm an imperfect person living in a fallen world surrounded by other imperfect people. Storms will come. But, there's a stillness in my soul that I have not sensed in a long time, and this time it is deeper... stiller.

God seems... bigger.

Now, I know that God has not changed, so it must be that I have. Perhaps, I've emptied a bit more of myself out and made more room for Him. I sense a deeper understanding of His Sovereignty... a deeper trusting... a deeper reliance on Him. Whatever it is, I like it. I'm determined to keep it.

Jessey is prepping for final exams at college next week, which brings back memories for me. I remember that relentless grind that intensified those last few weeks before finals. There was so much pressure from every class, every professor, every assignment. I would come to the point in those last agonizing days of finishing assignments that I thought I would just go crazy. Then, in an instant, the last final was over and relief flooded my soul. I would go home to my parents' house and hole up in my room for a few days. I would watch movies and sleep. I would bask in the relief of no pressure. I would be still.

Yesterday, I recognized the similarity of that time to my life today. Those last few weeks I worked on my painting held all the pressure of final exams. Not an external pressure this time, but an internal one. A battle in my soul. The instant I finished the painting, it was over. Since then, I've been still. Sure, I've had bronchitis since just before Thanksgiving, but it hasn't really mattered. It's been like a minor discomfort in the background. A light affliction, just for a moment. It will pass. In fact, I think the bronchitis has helped me to be still. (Now, I am not saying that God gave me bronchitis to get me to rest. That's not scriptural. But, God will use every obstacle in our life for our benefit if we let Him.) About all I have done for three weeks is work at my job and rest. For me, at this time of year, that's nothing short of a miracle.

Christmas is only two weeks away and I am not stressed! It's amazing. Normally, I would be stressing over decorations, gifts, finances, shopping, shipping, parties, memories, baking and every little detail of life in the Christmas season. Not this year. The guys put up Christmas lights without my help. They're still not done, according to last year's standard; but the house is beautiful!! If more lights go up, fine; if not, fine. I'm leaving that to Rick and the boys. There is not one single decoration up in the house. No problem. The tree will go up this weekend. So will my Mom's nativity and village. That's all that matters. I've been shopping online. Almost done. I trust that I will feel like baking in a week or so. I am just not stressed about any of it. It's wonderful. Christmas will come no matter what we do or don't do. The Grinch taught me that ;) All the things that I have named are just traditions. They are meant to enhance the Christmas experience, not rule it or define it. Traditions should be an expression of our joy and gratitude, not a source of stress. Could it be that I am finally learning how to live by that?

To some, all of this may not seem like such a big deal. For me, it marks a profound change. In years past, the month of December was like the end of a college semester. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were the final exams. Pressure and stress ruled the season. Relief came on December 26th. Not so this year. The season hasn't changed. The traditions haven't changed. So, I guess I've changed. I've allowed myself to be still and let God be bigger than the circumstances, than me, than my need for control and perfection. There is such amazing peace in that. I can trust Him with all of my heart. Not to do what I want. But to do what is best. I can be still and trust Him.

My Testimony - Part Two

"Mighty Woman Found" - by Carol Ann Welch, oil on canvas 30"x40", Copyright 2010

Jesus said...

"I have come as a Light into the world, so that whoever believes on Me should not remain in darkness." ~ John 12:46

"I am the Door..." ~ John 10:9

"I am the Way..." ~ John 14:6

This morning, nothing seemed more important than finishing this painting. I just couldn't leave that little girl sitting in that dark room any longer. As soon as the morning sunlight filtered into my studio, I was at the easel. Sunday evening, I had reached that place of "finished" where I had to sit back and look for the final touches. I made those few today. It's been a long, difficult battle; but, as Jesus said, it is finished.

As I mentioned in Part One, I've been carrying this painting for about eight years. The vision for it came with the revelation that the light in "Little Girl Lost" is Jesus. And, just like with that earlier painting, the title came with the vision. This painting is a continuation of the little girl's story... my story. Again, it is a self-portrait.

When I rededicated my life to Jesus in 2001, I was still in the grip of depression. On March 4, I sat in church service, choking back the tears. A very sweet woman named Natalie came over to me during the altar call and invited me to go up with her for prayer. When I stepped up to the Pastor and the woman that was ministering with him, all I could say was, "I'm having a hard time." Then the tears came. They began to pray in the Holy Spirit and the woman suddenly said, "Depression, get off of her in the name of Jesus!" There was such authority in her voice! And she knew! How did she know? She called out the very thing, the very name of that horrible plague that had defined my life for so long. I knew that God was at work. As she prayed over me, the minister kept saying, "You're free." Then she had me say. "I'm free." She told me to write down that day's date as the day I was set free. I wrote it in my Bible.

One week later, a visiting minister held a healing altar call. Rick's back pain was healed that night. After witnessing that miracle, I went up for prayer as well. I knew there had been a change in the past week. The depression had eased, but I still had the insomnia, fatigue and anxiety that always went with it. As the minister prayed for me that night, I felt something physically drain from my body, from my head downwards as though it were running down and puddling at my feet. I was flooded with relief and was weak all over. The closest sensation I have ever had was a shot of Demerol, but that doesn't even come close. Rick practically had to carry me to the car. That night I slept better than I ever had in my life.

From that time forward, I experienced a peace and a joy in my life that I never thought I could have. Depression may have defined twenty-five years of my life, but Jesus has defined the last ten. I know that the Lord touched me physically, spiritually and emotionally. I have not taken a single anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication since that time. The depression tried to return a few times, but I stood against it and it could not stay. Until last fall, when I stumbled back into the pit. For the past year, it's been an emotional roller coaster. I have refused to just lay down and give in the way I used to, so this time around has been very different. I have stayed very close to the Lord and I've kept my face turned to the Light.

Which brings me back to this painting. I've carried the vision of it - the little girl grown into a woman, the window actually a door and the true Light come to set her free. But I could never bring myself to paint it, until I found myself in that dark room again. I knew that it was time. I had to paint my way out of that room - once and for all.

"Little Girl Lost" is the easiest painting I have ever done. "Mighty Woman Found" is certainly the most difficult. I have labored over it more than any other painting. I have suffered through so much torment in my soul since I began painting it. I've stepped into some traps and made some mistakes. I was so tempted, so many times, to just quit painting. But, I was determined to finish this painting. It has been such a fight! I laid down a lot to see this one through.

Why was this painting so hard? I believe it's because we have an enemy, God's enemy, who is determined to hamper the efforts of Christians to spread the Gospel. What did the devil really care for a depressed housewife to paint a picture of a little girl with "hope"? The Holy Spirit worked through me with little or no interference. But, for a woman of faith to find the way out of darkness and paint a picture that demonstrates that way out - well, that just might be considered a threat. Praise God!! It is my desire and my prayer that "Mighty Woman Found" will find her way into the lives of others who are trapped in the dark and show them the Way out.

When I began, I did not see what was in the doorway. I knew that Jesus was there, but I expected it to be filled with light. It was only as I was painting that I began to see past the door. A path took shape, then a garden grew. I believe these two paintings tell the story of a little girl who grew up in the Light, although she was surrounded by darkness. Finally, she was drawn to the Light and looked fully into it, realizing its source. She called out to the Light and He answered. He opened a door into the darkness and offered her freedom. She took His hand....

For a few weeks now, I have been seeing the woman stand up and walk out of that room - always from the perspective of the painting's viewer. This morning, after I signed the painting, I sat back and closed my eyes. I saw through the eyes of the woman in the painting. I looked into His face and I stood up. I followed Him out the door and it closed behind us. I felt His hand. I felt the stones beneath my feet. I smelled the roses. I felt the sunlight and the breeze. Joy came this morning, and with it, laughter. Holding my Lord's hand, I began to walk the path of my destiny.

Therefore if the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. ~ John 8:36

My Testimony - Part One

"Little Girl Lost" - by Carol Ann Welch, oil on canvas 30"x40", Copyright 1991

And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it.
~ John 1:5 (MKJV)

For he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. ~ Hebrews 13:5 (KJV)

This painting has been hanging over my desk for several years, waiting for me to paint part two. It is a self-portrait and it is the beginning of my testimony. Yes, so sad, I know. But look at the light. As it turns out, this painting is not about the little girl, it's about the light. But I'll get back to that.

I painted this one in 1991. At that time, I wanted desperately to get back to painting, so I audited a painting class at Tarrant County College. I already had a Bachelor's degree in Art, but I thought the studio environment would give me a "jump start". Something amazing happened in that class - I went a direction in painting where I had never gone - I painted the dark places of my life. That had always been taboo before, as I opted instead to paint "pretty pictures" that gave me a sense of escape. By the end of the class, I had painted fear, depression, anger, jealousy and denial. My last painting for the class was this one -
"Little Girl Lost".

The image came to me very clearly and complete. The title came with the vision. I knew it had to be large, so I bought a 30"x40" canvas and dove in. This is the easiest painting I have ever done. As I said, the vision came so clearly. I used an old photograph of myself as a reference for the little girl, with some changes. I was amazed at how quickly it came together and was finished. I knew when I painted it that it was the most powerful work I had ever done. But I had no idea why.

The little girl in the painting is me. I knew from the beginning that it was a self-portrait. Everyone that sees this painting has the same reaction, "She's so sad." Yes, she is. I was an extremely shy child and there was a lot of sadness and loneliness that came with that. As a teenager, I became terribly depressed. It puzzled everyone. I came from a good, loving family. I was spoiled rotten - in a good way. I was never abused. Yet, I didn't want to live. I was in terrible emotional pain. My mom had also suffered from depression, so she did the only thing she knew to do - she took me to the doctor. So, at age 13, I was prescribed anti-depressants and sent to a counselor. That was the beginning of 25 years of therapy and medication (I took over a dozen different kinds during that time). I was eventually diagnosed with chronic depression (due to a hereditary chemical imbalance), anxiety, panic attacks and borderline agoraphobia. I was told there was no cure, just medication and learning some "coping skills". Medication never really helped that much, and I was not very good at coping. So I mostly suffered and trudged through life anyway. It's that torment of depression that the little girl portrays.

She sits in a dark room - totally black (In the photo, the brush strokes tend to reflect light and look gray, but it is really solid black - only Rick could get it to photograph this good). I have always seen the room as the black pit of depression, but it has many names and many places within it. It is the place of "would've-could've-should've" and the prison of fear. There is a dead-end hallway of people pleasing, a pacing track of anxiety, a pounding wall of anger and an even deeper hole of suicidal thoughts. Anyway, enough about that. I know the place all too well and I hate it!

I won't even begin to talk about the darkness. Darkness talks about itself quite enough. And it always talks about what is wrong with everything.

The real subject of this painting is the light. In that dark room, there is a window filled with light. That light pours in and shines upon the little girl, even though she doesn't recognize it. When I painted this, I was most fascinated by the light. I loved the way that it pierced the darkness and caressed the child. At the time, I thought of the light as hope. I was still battling depression then, but I was finally in a place of hope. I now believe that the light was always shining on the little girl. Sometimes she saw it, quite often she warmed herself in it and it always gave her the strength to go on. She just did not know how to get to the light. She always thought it was just out of reach.

There is one other element in the painting that I would point out. Behind the child is a figure of a woman in the darkness. It is painted with the same black as the background and is only delineated by palette knife strokes. I painted it with the intention that it be the destined woman that the little girl would grow to be, hidden in the darkness.

Fast forward to 2002 and the painting was stored behind my bedroom dresser. The year before, I had rededicated my life to the Lord and He had pulled me out of that pit. I had been off anti-depressants for about a year and was doing better than I had ever been. While in prayer one day, the Lord reminded me of this painting and I had an "ah-ha" moment. I ran to get the painting, pulled it out, dusted it off and marveled at what the Lord had shown me. Jesus said "I am the light of the world." The light is Jesus! He had been right there with me always, through all the pain and darkness. I have known Jesus from a very young age (thanks to my sister Debbie) and I can truly say that at the lowest points in my life, it was Him that pulled me up. He gave me the strength to finish high school when I thought I couldn't. He gave me the courage to go to college and the tenacity to finish. He helped me to love when I was terrified to. He sat with me through all the dark nights of my tormented soul, gave me sleep and got me up in the morning. The only two times that I ever actively sought to end my life, He physically stopped me from harming myself. The last time, I actually felt His physical embrace. There is nothing like it on this earth. Pure peace. He is the light of my life, and always has been, even when I didn't realize it. He is faithful, even when we are not.

When the revelation of the light came to me, a vision for another painting did too. I saw the next painting of my testimony. That painting has grown within my spirit like a baby for the past eight years. Labor began last spring when I finally started it. It will be finished very soon. I expect to share it in my next blog post.

At the end of that audited painting class, we had a class critique. I only remember one comment from that critique. The instructor said that the darkness looked impenetrable. She thought it was just too dark and intense and no light could possibly cut through it. I smiled and said, "No, there is light. There, most definitely, is light!"

To be continued... My Testimony - Part Two

"Living Water" - An Invitation

"Living Water" - by Carol Ann Welch, oil on canvas 30"x40", Copyright 2009

"If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that says to you, Give Me to drink, you would have asked of Him, and He would have given you living water... whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst, but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."
- John 4:10, 14

And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne... and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald... And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices... And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal... and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come. - excerpts from Revelation 4

I finished this painting in the summer of 2009. The inspiration for it came from "Revelation Song" - which I believe is one of the most powerful worship songs ever written. Every time I hear that song, my heart is stirred and I ache for Heaven. If you listen to the song, I believe you will see many of its elements in this painting, most of which are found in Revelation 4.

For me, this painting is a vision of Jesus, the King of Kings, standing in authority and extending His scepter to the viewer as a sign of favor (Esther 8:4). Jesus is clothed in white and draped with a red cloth that symbolizes the blood that He shed for us. The blood red cloth transforms into living water that spreads out before Him into a sea that drowns our sins. Since Jesus' seat in Heaven is at our Father's right hand, there is lightning on Jesus' left side to indicate the power that resides there. Notice that the scepter is extended from His left hand, where the power dwells. Jesus extends favor on behalf of our Father. Jesus' right hand is held out in an invitation toward the rainbow that is God's own symbol of covenant.

Today, from Heaven's throne room, Jesus extends favor and mercy and invites us to join Him in covenant. What is covenant? It is a bond between two people or groups of people that brings them together for mutual benefit. Where one is weak, the other is strong. When one falls, the other picks him up. It is our Father's desire to be in covenant with us. He is not angry with us. He is not trying to push us away. He invites and beckons us to draw close to Him. Why? Not so He can punish us or fix us and dress us up as some plaything; but because He loves us. He delights in our companionship. His greatest desire is to love us and be loved by us. He is wise beyond our comprehension and He wants to impart that wisdom to us, to help us, to comfort us, to guide us, to heal us. What do we possibly have to offer God in this covenant arrangement? Our love and our faith. He is not some dictator on a power trip, demanding "Obey me or else!" Far from it! He is good and He offers us mercy and grace. Like a loving parent with a child who has fallen down, God wants to lift us up and mend our hurts. All we have to do is cry out to Him.

Why Jesus? Some say that there are many ways to God. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and life. No one comes to the Father, but by me." (John 14:6) Why is that? Jesus is the only one who fulfilled God's plan of salvation, that is written in the Old Testament. He is the only one who fulfilled all the law and all the prophecies. Jesus is the only one who died and shed His blood to pay for our sins. Jesus is the only one that rose from the dead. No other man, prophet, or teacher has done all of those things. I know without a doubt that I can never be good enough to enter Heaven on my own merit. On my very best day, I still fail. I cannot possibly do enough good deeds. I cannot act good enough. I can't be good enough. That's OK. I don't have to be. Jesus has already paid the price for me. It's like not having enough money to get into see the movie, so someone buys a ticket for you. You have a choice - you can accept the ticket, go into the theater and enjoy the movie; or you can question the person's motives, turn up your nose against charity, or find some other reason to refuse. Whatever your reason for refusing, the outcome is the same. You miss out on the movie.

God does not choose some to go to Heaven and lock the others out. He invites all. It is His will and desire for all people to be with Him throughout eternity. But, He honors our free will enough to let us choose. We can choose Him or we can reject Him. It's up to us. You see, accepting Jesus and the sacrifice that He made for us is not choosing a religion... it is choosing a relationship with a loving Father who has been waiting and longing for you. If you've already made that choice, then please take a minute to tell your Father that you love Him and thank Jesus for His gift of a redeemed relationship. If you haven't made that choice yet, then reach out to Him. Ask God to help you understand. When you're ready to make the choice, it's very simple - just say the following prayer:

Father, I come to You now and receive Your love. I receive the sacrifice that Jesus made for me and I ask You to forgive my sins. I want to be in covenant with You. I want to have a relationship with You. I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I believe that I am forgiven and accepted into Your Kingdom. Please guide me, Lord. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

If you've said that prayer for the first time, then welcome to the Family!! Please leave me a comment and let me know. I will be praying for you.

My Garden

For who has despised the day of small things? For they shall rejoice....
~ Zechariah 4:10

I never expected to enjoy gardening. I always expected to live in the country and have animals everywhere. But, since I have the legal limit of dogs and cats allowed by the city, and I can't hide a horse in the back yard, I started planting things. For years, I planted and they died. The only things that didn't die were the irises and monster roses (that's another story). I probably planted a dozen rose bushes in this yard that died. So, I gave up.

One of my Faith Roses

Several years ago, Rick and I were shopping at Walmart and I was mooning over the five-dollar rose bushes. Rick said, "If you want some, buy them." I said, "No, they'll just die." That's when I heard that quiet voice in my spirit say, "Oh ye of little faith." So, I bought seven. I put five climbers along the fence and two hybrid teas in the front garden with the irises and the Angel Face roses that my sister gave me the year before (they actually had not died). I prayed when I planted them. They became my faith projects. I prayed over them, watered them and talked to them - "grow babies". By the end of summer, the tallest climber was four feet. They are still alive today and I call them my Faith Roses!

Inspired by success, I started more gardens. I planted a small one in the back yard with hydrangea, impatiens and hollyhocks. I turned the boys’ old jungle gym into an arbor that is now covered with passion flowers and a lady banks rose. In the midst of all this, I discovered the most amazing thing. God's Word was coming alive to me in new ways through the work I was doing. I learned that pruning really does produce more fruit and I began to understand the process of pruning that God was doing in my own life. Some things just have to be cut off of us so that we can grow. Seeing that the end result of a good pruning produced a rose bush covered in beautiful blooms helped me to yield to the Lord's pruning of my life.

The resented piece of dirt. (The BEFORE pic)

In the fall of 2007, I was going through a very difficult time. I was at a spiritual turning point and felt that I had missed God. I was depressed, hurt and very angry. I had no interest in gardening. Rick had other plans, though. He had bought a used tiller and leaf-vacuum-chipper-mulcher thing and wanted to play. He took me shopping and looked at flowers, but I was not moved. He ended up buying over a hundred clearance bulbs of all kinds. I cringed at the thought of having to plant them, so I announced that I didn’t have any room in my gardens. So, Rick, being Rick, tilled a very large section of the front yard – about 300 square foot. I was not happy! I resented him and that piece of dirt! I let it sit all winter. When spring came, I was still depressed, hurt and angry; but I was also so embarrassed by that ugly piece of yard that I began to dig out grass. I sat in that patch of dirt for hours pulling up grass and weeds and getting over myself. I finally got motivated enough to put in some edging, mark off a path and plant the bulbs. Rick mulched leaves that were still around from fall and we put them over the bulbs.

Nothing much grew that year and I still resented that garden enough to let it get overgrown with grass and weeds by the next spring. If it had been in the backyard, I would have just quit; but the whole neighborhood could see it. So, I pulled weeds again. To my surprise, I found things actually growing from the bulbs I had planted. “Oh ye of little faith.” Inspired, I began to envision a garden. Hope returned and brought faith with it. I moved flowers from other areas of the yard into the big garden. I bought plants all spring and planted them. Neighbors gave me flowers. Rick installed a sprinkler system. The new garden took shape and things began to bloom. I had two beds planted and mulched with bare ground paths between them. I was finally enjoying my new garden.

Then, summer came and I became preoccupied with other things. I let the garden slip. It was too hot anyway, and I was just too busy. When I finally realized that the bare paths were filling up with weeds, I just gave up again. Rick and the rain kept it watered. I avoided the front yard most of the summer. By cool weather, it was an overgrown mess. I was so angry with myself. I was sure that all the flowers were dead and my time and money had been wasted. But I didn’t care. It would take too much work to clean it up. I was ready to just mow over it.

Then, one Sunday in September 2009, I was worshipping the Lord during church service when He convicted me to clean up that garden. Reluctantly, I got started pulling weeds again. And there, beneath the weeds, flowers were blooming. Everything I had planted survived the summer of neglect.

I spent two months pulling out weeds. By Thanksgiving, the garden was weed free and covered with a thick layer of leaf mulch. I told my pastor about a day when I had been especially depressed and how the Lord had prompted me to go work in the garden. I spent the whole day pulling weeds and I felt better. My pastor encouraged me to continue, saying that as I pulled out weeds in the natural, I was also pulling out spiritual weeds. I like that.

My garden as it is now. (The AFTER pic)

Today, my garden is flourishing. I am very grateful for my husband’s stubbornness and obedience to the Lord, Who knew what I needed even when I didn’t want it. I am amazed at how far that piece of dirt has come in just 3 years. It changes with the seasons. Spring flowers burst forth with color, then fade away as another wave of plants emerge. Rick and I watched a hollyhock grow from two feet in February to over six feet by May and explode into bloom. By mid-summer, it went to seed and was replaced by cannas that popped out of the ground in late spring and are now eight feet tall. The garden has become my hiding place, my prayer closet, and my reminder of who God is and how He works in our lives.

My hiding place.

There are times in our lives when we get discouraged, overwhelmed or simply neglect our spiritual life. Our gardens fill with weeds as we fall back into familiar bad habits or negative attitudes. Once we realize how overgrown our lives are, we are tempted to just give up. We think that all the work God has done in us is dead and gone. We’ve failed and we always will fail. Not so. Pulling weeds is worth the effort. As we begin to deal with those unrighteous areas of our life, we see that God’s work is still there. His love for us has not died. It is there, beneath the weeds, waiting for us to uncover it.