The Prodigal Son’s Father

I have often pondered Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). It is a story so rich, that it offers up new treasures every time I dig into it. For years, I was baffled by the father’s actions. As a parent, it was even harder to understand. His actions seemed to go against my idea of what a parent should do. Yet, I knew that if Jesus offered this as a model of proper authority, it was in my best interest to learn from it.  I have found myself continually returning to this story and seeking the Lord’s wisdom as to the father’s motives and actions.

In keeping proper context, I must acknowledge that Jesus told this parable in response to the Pharisees question of why He associated with sinners. Jesus answered through the telling of three parables – the man who left the ninety-nine sheep to go after the one lost sheep, the woman who searched her house for the one coin lost out of ten, and the father with one faithful son and one prodigal son. These stories clearly indicate that Jesus is speaking about the importance of restoration. His focus is directed toward the one who is in a position of responsibility or authority – the shepherd, the woman with the coins, the father – and how they should act when a relationship or connection has been breached. As a parent, I recognize that this lesson is meant for me.

My initial questions as to the father’s actions have always been, “why did you give the kid the money in the first place?! Didn’t you know he would just go blow it?” In answer to the second question: yes, he probably did! I found the answer to my first question in Luke 22:31-34. Jesus knew that Peter would betray Him; but He was not moved by that knowledge because He had prayed that Peter’s faith would not fail and He knew that Peter would be restored and would be stronger than before. This passage tells us three things:

1. Jesus knew Peter very well, through both personal knowledge and discernment.
2. Jesus had faith that His prayer would be answered.
3. Jesus trusted His Father more than He trusted Peter.

I found that when I applied these three principles to the father of the two sons, his actions made sense. Luke 15:12 states: And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. Only one son asked for his portion, but the father divided to them both. I believe that the father knew his sons well enough to know what they would do with their inheritances. The father also had faith that the young son would return. How do I know? Because Luke 15:20 states: But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him…. That means that Daddy was watching for his boy and expecting him to come home! He knew his son and he trusted God! The same faith in God that Abraham displayed by taking Isaac up the mountain to sacrifice is demonstrated by the father who allowed his sons to make their own decisions regarding their inheritances. And what a message he gave to his sons by doing so! When he divided his living unto them, it was the same as saying: “Sons, I love you more than my wealth and I trust God to guide you.”

So, I came to understand why the father gave his sons’ their inheritances; but I still wondered how he could welcome that greedy brat home without any reprimand, yelling, or punishment. After all, that’s a parent’s job! Isn’t it?

Our Father established authority in the earth to represent Himself by giving instruction, boundaries, guidance and even discipline when it is needed. Parents, teachers, pastors, government leaders are all set in authority for this purpose. Yet, God the Father is still the highest authority. Ultimately, He wants to be the authority in our life that supersedes all others. If we are obedient to Him, why would any other authority need to correct us? Relationship is His greatest desire. When it is broken, He desires to restore it (which is the heart of Jesus’ message here).  

So, think about our story. When did restoration take place? When the son came home? When he confessed his sin to his father? I believe it happened when “he came to himself” and made the decision to return to his father, confess his sin and humble himself to become his father’s servant (verses 17-18). That was the moment of true repentance! The revelation of his father’s goodness brought him to repentance. Once that happened, he corrected his course, turned around and went back home. No further correction was needed. His father was wise enough to recognize that fact! What would have happened if the father had yelled at the son or punished him at this point? The father would have been guilty of holding his judgment above God’s, because the son had already repented. It would have caused a breech in the relationship instead of restoration.

Picture this: the father going about his daily life, continually looking towards the road in faith that his son will return and be restored. He’s not worried that his son will come around looking for more money or having an attitude. His faith is set upon his son coming home humbled and appreciative. When he sees his son in the distance, the father’s compassionate love for his son overshadows any prideful impulse to correct his son any further, knowing by faith that the matter is settled and past. He is free to embrace his son and express his love openly. He patiently allows his son to make his confession; then he restores the young man to his rightful place and celebrates.

I have found the father in this parable to be a wonderful example of love in action! He was patient in waiting for his son’s return, he loved his son more than his own self or his wealth, he believed the best about his son, he rejoiced in his son’s restoration rather than in his iniquity and he endured the loss of half his fortune with no bitterness. It is the desire of my heart to be this kind of parent! I press towards the mark, knowing that when I fall short, my Father will be that kind of parent to me and will help me to be a better one to my sons.

One last note: I used to think that the oldest son had every right to be upset with his father for celebrating the youngest son’s return; but I have come to realize that if the oldest son had loved his brother more than he loved his father’s approval, he would have been rejoicing too.

I Dreamed of Zombies

Last week I was hit, once again, by congested sinuses, sore throat and a cough. It's still hanging around, but improving daily. It's worse in the morning, hacking up all the overnight collection of crud, and late evening, beginning to collect said crud. Sorry to be gross, but this IS about zombies, so what did you expect? Anyway... I spent one morning last week studying 1st and 2nd Peter, and that evening I rested and entertained myself with Arsenic and Old Lace and The 'Burbs - two hilarious comedies with rather dark tales of buried bodies. That night, I dreamed of zombies.

Now, this was the second dream I'd had of zombies in the past month! That got my attention, since I had never before had dreams of that particular subject; even after watching such intellectual selections as Night of the Living Dead, Zombieland and The Walking Dead. Furthermore, I secretly despise zombie movies. They are just too gross for me. So, why do I watch them?

1. They're hilarious! "Ooohh! Walk a little faster! The slow, shambling, rotting zombie might catch us!"
2. I am intrigued by the survivalist aspect of a zombie apocalypse (or alien invasion, robots taking over the world or other life-as-we-know-it-has-suddenly-changed-and-we-must-adapt scenarios)
3. I love a good hunt movie, especially if mankind is the prey and must turn the tables to hunt down the predator shark, alien, reanimated corpse, etc.
4. It's a geek thing...

I've digressed....

Back to the dreams! The first zombie dream was set in a junkyard. Cars were stacked all around to form a large maze. There were zombies wandering randomly around the maze. They didn't know that I was there, so I was sneaking around, trying desperately to avoid them as I found my way out of the maze. I had been very successful in avoiding them and staying hidden. I wasn't afraid, just annoyed at all the zombies I had to avoid. I wanted out! Finally, I found the exit. It was a large tunnel made of cars and it was full of zombies! I was going to have to crawl through these cars and fight the zombies to get out. I looked and looked for another way, but there was no other escape. I found a large pipe to use as a weapon; then I started into the tunnel of cars, knocking zombies out of my way as I went. Suddenly, I woke up!

The last dream was essentially the same dream, except that it took place in a building with a maze of hallways. I was staying hidden from the wandering zombies, as I looked for escape. The exit of the building was a large foyer filled with zombies! Again, I was not afraid, just annoyed by all the undead in my way. I found a baseball bat and started clearing a path to the door (where's a good shotgun when I need it?). Again, I woke up before making the escape. In both dreams, I had a sense of concern about being overwhelmed by the zombies, but no fear of being devoured by them. It was like I knew that I would escape, I just didn't want to get close to them. I was concerned about being bitten and infected - about becoming one of them. But there was no fear. The zombies were not really aggressive. They were very slow and only noticed me when I was upon them.

I didn't give the first dream much thought, but after the second dream, I realized there was something to this pattern. So, I prayed for the Lord to give me the interpretation of the dream. (Ha! You knew it! You knew I'd get spiritual about this somehow!) I do believe that the Lord speaks to us in dreams and will give us the interpretation if we simply ask. And, of course, He did.

The zombies in my dream represent flesh. That's what zombies are, reanimated flesh with no soul or spirit. They represent aspects of my own carnal nature. Aspects that I have been avoiding. Things that have been a problem, or a nuisance, but that I have not wanted to confront. So, I've walked around in the same confining maze, avoiding the issue. The dreams revealed to me that it's time to escape. The issues are no immediate threat, but they have the potential to overwhelm and destroy me. Getting out is going to be a battle, but it's one that I already know I can win. I'm not afraid, I just don't want to go through the hassle. But, if I'm going to move forward in my life, I have to get out of the maze. I can do it. I have the weapons - the iron pipe and the bat represent God's Word. Speaking His truth over my life and situations will subdue my flesh. I think that I woke up in the middle of the battle because of my desire to avoid it. Upon waking, both times, I knew that the dreams would have ended with me coming out the other side unscathed, victorious.

So, I've done some examining of myself this week to see what needs to change. My faith has gotten weak in some areas. I need to strengthen it. I need to take better care of my health. I need to prioritize some things differently. I need to let some things go. The last two months have been a wonderful rest after winning my last great battle (over depression). But, it's time to step into battle again and take on some other foes.

At first, I thought my choice of movies had caused me to have such a dream; but upon reflection, I think it more likely that my dream sprang from my selected Bible study:

Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God. ~ 1Peter 4:1-2

We must suffer in the flesh (battle the zombies) to cease from sin (escape the maze). That we no longer live the rest of our lives trapped in the maze of the undead, but are free to pursue the will of God.

~~~

Note: The sketch featured at the top of this blog is the first sketch I did in a series entitled Free. It was done in about 1991 and depicted the process of pulling free from all the things of life that try to drag us down and hold us back. The latest installment to this series is featured at the bottom of this blog. It is a digital painting that was done around 2005. Notice the transitions in the second one: color, more detail, less entangled and (my favorite) the woman now has a mouth.

Wrath or Mercy?

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. ~ Romans 5:8-10

Just before Christmas, Pastor Linda preached a beautiful message about "Peace on Earth". For me, it dove-tailed perfectly with the Bible Study I had just shared in my blog 'Tis the Season. The Lord began to reveal new insights to me that expanded on my previous blog and how her message fit with it. I let all of this simmer through the holidays and finally settled down to study it. The Lord took me from dealing with rejection to dealing with anger.

Did you know that God has emotions? He created us in His image. We have emotions because He has emotions. In that previous blog, I shared how the Lord showed me all the times and ways that He had been rejected. I had asked the Lord how He suffered it all without being moved. God graciously answered me with what I needed to hear at the time... the lesson that I needed to learn. Rejection did not affect who "I AM." That is absolutely true. The lesson that I need now is that rejection did, however, affect God's emotions.

How can both those statements be true? Because God's true being, His identity, is separate from His emotions. The same is true for us. It may not feel true; but it is. Sometimes we feel like we are our emotions... we are what we feel. Not so. Emotions change. Our spirit, our true self, is eternal.

There are many, many accounts in the Old Testament of God's anger being kindled at people's rejection and disobedience. Israel's journey through the wilderness is an ideal example. God was angry with them many times. He actually told Moses that He wanted to kill them all and begin a new nation through His faithful servant. Moses talked Him out of it. I am certain that God knew Moses would before He even made the threat. My point is that all this rejection and disobedience did affect God's emotions and made Him angry.

Pastor Linda preached a very eloquent sermon on how God's wrath was poured out on His Son at Calvary, when Jesus was crucified and all our sins were put on Him. Jesus willingly offered Himself up to be the intersection where our sins and God's wrath collided. That instant ushered in the Dispensation of Grace in which we now live. Peace between God and mankind. Our Father's anger was abated, the price for our sins was permanently paid.

The New Testament speaks much differently of wrath. It only refers to God's wrath as a future event in the day of judgment, and then towards the unrighteous. As a Christian, I can be comforted that I will never face my Father's wrath. As I have meditated over all this in the past few weeks, the Lord has once again invited me to follow His example. My Father made the decision to pour out all of His anger towards people on Jesus at the cross. He has also made the decision to abstain from being wrathful towards His other children. He let the anger poured out at the cross be enough. I have the opportunity to make that same decision. I can let all the wrath that Jesus endured be enough and I can choose to put aside my wrath instead of releasing it on my fellow man. Folks, I'll be brutally honest here, I don't think I can. I know myself, I know my buttons and I know how easily they get pushed. When the Lord revealed this opportunity to me, I saw myself in the future... failing at it... again and again. This is something that I cannot do in my own strength. No way. But... I can do ALL things through Christ, the Anointed One, who strengthens me.

The New Testament confirms this opportunity that our Father has given us by telling us how to deal with anger. The Word teaches us that we can be angry without sinning and it admonishes us to put away wrath. Most importantly, the Bible tells us that our wrath does not work the righteousness of God. If our Father chose to put away His own wrath with man and, instead, grant mercy; for us to pursue wrath towards our fellow man would be to hold our own decision... our own judgment above God's. How could that possibly turn out well for us?

I set forth on this new adventure of putting away anger with a powerful weapon. I have before my spiritual eyes a picture of my precious Savior, on the cross, suffering the penalty of wrath. When I am tempted to lash out at someone in anger, I hope to recall that image and remind myself that Jesus already took the blows for them. And, the next time I find myself being chewed up and spit out by someone in anger, I can know that He took the blows for me too and I don't have to suffer them or be devastated by them.

Father, I recognize that I have the choice of how I respond to others. Mercy or anger. I know that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes. Father, I ask for your help in this: if I err, please help me to err on the side of mercy. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Scripture references:
How to deal with anger: Eph. 4:26-32 and 6:4; Col. 3:8; 1 Tim. 2:8; Jam. 1:19-20.
God's wrath towards Israel: Ex. 32:10-12; Deu. 9:7-8, 22; Heb. 3:11, 4:3 (to name just a few)
God's wrath towards the unrighteous at Judgment (N.T. verses only): Matt. 3:7; Luke 3:7, 21:23; John 3:36; Rom. 2:5-8, 4:15, 9:22, 12:9, 13:4-5; Eph. 5:6; Col. 3:6; 1 Thes. 1:10, 2:16, 5:9; Revelation 6:16-17, 11:18, and chapters 14-19.

Photo credit: Copyright 2010 Rick Welch

Welcome to 2011!

The Lord has blessed us with a new year, 2011. It has arrived fresh, clean and full of possibilities. We can wonder, hope, dream and maybe even be fearful of what it holds.

God already knows! He has planned this year from the beginning of time. He knows every second of it for every person. He will not be surprised by any event, action, reaction, birth, death, sickness, healing, union, reunion, break-up, insult, injury, mistake, failure, success, celebration, decision, or emotion. He knows the end of 2011 from the beginning. Whatever happens, He will remain on His throne. Period.

We can trust Him to lead us and guide us by His Word and by His Spirit. We can rest in the integrity of His Word. He is faithful, who has promised. He perfects that which concerns us. Why? Because He loves us.

My hopes and prayers for all of you, dear readers, for the coming year is that you will know the depth of God's love for you and that you will allow that love to work in you and be released to others.

As always, thank you for reading! Blessings to you!

Did We Win in 2010?

If we kept the faith,

if we loved God,

if we loved others,

if we showed mercy,

if we forgave trespasses,

if we forgave ourselves,

if we stood back up after falling,

if we gave,

if we were a light in the darkness,

if we were the salt that flavored a life,

if we looked beyond ourselves,

if we met another's need,

if we fought the good fight,

if we persevered,

if we worshiped God,

if we honored Him,

if we gave Him glory,

if we simply believed Him...

...then we won.

~ ~ ~

My pastor, Linda Silverman, declared this time last year that we were destined to win in 2010. She has repeated that phrase so often throughout the year. She preached many messages that prepared us for battle and launched us toward victory. As she has said many times, you can't win without a battle. You can't make the grade without being tested. You can't overcome unless there's an obstacle. Thank you, Pastor, for training us to be good soldiers.

Everyone that I know has faced battles in 2010. Some big, some bigger, some epic. As the year neared its close, I began to seek the Lord about whether we did win in 2010. What is written above is the answer that He placed in my heart. As I wrote it, I realized that His concept of winning may be just a little different than what we expected. Maybe we didn't win the lottery or that great job or promotion. Maybe we didn't win a new car, a new house or a new wardrobe. Maybe that illness remains. Maybe all our problems weren't miraculously solved and tied up with a pretty bow. But maybe, just maybe, if we can look at God's list of victories and find those that were true of our lives in 2010, then we can step into 2011 as winners.

Victory!

~ ~ ~

'Tis the Season...

'Tis the Season...to be jolly... to be joyful... to be grateful... to spend time with loved ones... to give... to love... to laugh... to celebrate... to decorate... to shop... to spend too much... to worry... to stress... to argue... to expect too much... to be disappointed... to miss those who have passed... to be depressed... to be lonely... to feel rejected and unloved.

Sad, but true. The Christmas Season is the most wonderful, joyful time of year for many. But, so many of those same people struggle with hurts and disappointments and memories of past Christmas pains. Been there, done that. Christmas has always been wonderfully special to me. However, at the same time, it has been difficult and often painful. There is one year in particular that I was heartbroken; but I received the most beautiful, priceless gift.

My mother moved to Heaven in 2003. If ever there was a woman who knew how to make Christmas special, it was her! I could fill an entire blog with the details of the decorations, lights, shopping adventures, red packages with handmade bows, cookies, pies, handmade gifts and family gatherings. It was all very magical and very wonderful!! When she passed on, Christmas was forever changed for our family. That first Christmas without her was hard, but the whole family struggled through together. Several months later, my dad moved out of the old homeplace of almost forty years and put it up for sale. That house and all its furnishings were, for me, a reflection of my mom's life. In that house, I still felt connected to her. To see it all dismantled, everything moved out and the house sold to strangers devastated me. It was like losing her all over again. I did not handle it well at all. I said and did things that hurt my family. I was very hurt myself.

When Christmas came that year, I could not bear the thought of attending a family gathering. Rick and the boys were struggling too and shared my feelings. We decided not to attend the family parties for either side of the family, Rick's or mine. We just wanted, needed, to have a Christmas to ourselves to heal.

It was traditional for both of our families to have Christmas on Christmas Eve. It was always a source of stress to fit so much into one day; but that also meant a day busy with excitement, fun and much to do. On this particular Christmas Eve, for the first time in my life, I found myself alone that afternoon with nothing to do. The boys were in their rooms playing. Rick was napping. I went into my bedroom and cried with loneliness and grief. I missed my mother and the rest of my family. I felt rejected by my family. Sure, I had been invited and it was my choice not to go; but inwardly I was afraid that people were still hurt and angry with me and really didn't want me there. In my pain, I cried out to my Heavenly Father.

"Father, what do I do today?"

He answered me so clearly, "You could talk to me. So many of the people who love me are too busy for me today."

So, I began to pour my heart out to Him and tell Him how lonely and rejected I felt. He told me that He understood; that He, too, had been rejected.

"Yes, Lord, I know... the cross," I replied.

"No," He said, "before that."

Then, He led me through a profound Bible study, unfolding before me the history of rejection:

Satan was originally an anointed cherub named Lucifer, God's most beautiful creation, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. God loved him so much that He clothed Lucifer in precious stones and called him perfect! But, Lucifer rejected God! He rejected the position that God had given him and sought to exalt himself above God. Lucifer incited a rebellion in Heaven and turned one-third of the angelic Heavenly Host against God. One-third of the angels, that God created and loved, rejected Him. If all that wasn't enough, Adam, the first man that He created, rejected God by disobeying Him. Adam, whom He loved and walked with in the cool of the day, rejected Him. Since that time, men have continually rejected God through unbelief, disobedience and outright contempt. Even after God sent His own Son to bridge the gap that Adam's sin created, God is still rejected by millions. Every day, God reaches out to people through miracles, blessings and comfort, only to be rejected yet again. God has done nothing to bring on such rejection. Millions of people blame God for all the evil in the world - disease, natural disasters, famine and so on. Jesus made it clear in John 10:10 that "the thief comes not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." The thief He refers to is Satan. That same Lucifer that rejected God wreaks havoc in the world and deceives people into blaming God, so that they, like him, will reject the very One that loves them and gave them life.

After the Lord walked me through the scriptures, laying this all out before me, I wept. Not for myself, but for the rejection that my loving Father has endured.

"How," I asked, "how could you possibly endure all of this and not be moved by it?"

"Because," my Father answered, "none of it affects who I AM."

In that instant, I caught a glimpse of the Eternal God. Never changing. Eternally established. What I glimpsed of Him is truly too great for words. I also caught a flicker of who I am in Him. The spirit that He created when He created me is also eternal. The essence of who I am in Christ is hidden in Him. No person can ever change that. Rejection only affects me when I allow it to do so. In truth, rejection does not change who I am. Rejection by a person is merely an opinion. God's opinion of me never changes. He thinks the same of me now as He did when He first conceived the notion of me. In this life I live in the earth, my soul (my mind, will and emotions) is changeable. That part of me is continually (hopefully) being conformed to His image. When God sees me, He sees the finished work. He accepts me. He loves me. He will never reject me. He loves you the same way.

I often marveled at the endurance that Jesus had at the cross. How He forgave such utter rejection of Himself. Jesus told His disciples, "I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." He witnessed Satan's rejection of His Father. I believe that Jesus understood before going to the cross that His Father was not asking Him to endure anything that He had not endured Himself. Like Father, like son. As Jesus told Philip (John 14:9), "He that has seen me has seen the Father." This knowledge has helped me so many times to forgive what has felt like scathing rejection. I still fall. I still allow my emotions to get tangled up in what people think. But, when I remember what my Father and my Lord Jesus have endured, I can remember who I am and I can get back up.

As we move deeper into the Christmas Season, and all the opportunities arise to feel lonely, rejected and unloved, I pray that you seek comfort in the One who has suffered more rejection than we can imagine. I also pray that you set aside a little time for our Father this Christmas. I encourage you to sit down and talk with Him. He has so much to share.

For my wonderful friends who will want to follow this Bible Study for themselves (Joy - you know I mean you), here are the scripture references:
Rejection by Lucifer and the angels - Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:11-17, Matthew 25:41, Luke 10:18, 2 Peter 2:4, Jude 1:6, Revelation 12:1-9.
Rejection by Adam - Genesis 3.
Rejection by mankind - 1 Samuel 8:7 and 10:19, 2 Kings 17:15, Isaiah 53:3, Matthew 21:42, Mark 8:31, Luke 7:30, 9:22 and 17:25.

Being Still

Be still, and know that I am God... ~ Psalm 46:10

Three weeks ago, I finished my painting and posted it here on my blog. The world has been so quiet since then. Well, maybe not the world, maybe just me. I have slept so peacefully and have truly rested for the first time in... I can't remember when. All is well with my soul. Will it stay that way? (giggle) Probably not. I'm an imperfect person living in a fallen world surrounded by other imperfect people. Storms will come. But, there's a stillness in my soul that I have not sensed in a long time, and this time it is deeper... stiller.

God seems... bigger.

Now, I know that God has not changed, so it must be that I have. Perhaps, I've emptied a bit more of myself out and made more room for Him. I sense a deeper understanding of His Sovereignty... a deeper trusting... a deeper reliance on Him. Whatever it is, I like it. I'm determined to keep it.

Jessey is prepping for final exams at college next week, which brings back memories for me. I remember that relentless grind that intensified those last few weeks before finals. There was so much pressure from every class, every professor, every assignment. I would come to the point in those last agonizing days of finishing assignments that I thought I would just go crazy. Then, in an instant, the last final was over and relief flooded my soul. I would go home to my parents' house and hole up in my room for a few days. I would watch movies and sleep. I would bask in the relief of no pressure. I would be still.

Yesterday, I recognized the similarity of that time to my life today. Those last few weeks I worked on my painting held all the pressure of final exams. Not an external pressure this time, but an internal one. A battle in my soul. The instant I finished the painting, it was over. Since then, I've been still. Sure, I've had bronchitis since just before Thanksgiving, but it hasn't really mattered. It's been like a minor discomfort in the background. A light affliction, just for a moment. It will pass. In fact, I think the bronchitis has helped me to be still. (Now, I am not saying that God gave me bronchitis to get me to rest. That's not scriptural. But, God will use every obstacle in our life for our benefit if we let Him.) About all I have done for three weeks is work at my job and rest. For me, at this time of year, that's nothing short of a miracle.

Christmas is only two weeks away and I am not stressed! It's amazing. Normally, I would be stressing over decorations, gifts, finances, shopping, shipping, parties, memories, baking and every little detail of life in the Christmas season. Not this year. The guys put up Christmas lights without my help. They're still not done, according to last year's standard; but the house is beautiful!! If more lights go up, fine; if not, fine. I'm leaving that to Rick and the boys. There is not one single decoration up in the house. No problem. The tree will go up this weekend. So will my Mom's nativity and village. That's all that matters. I've been shopping online. Almost done. I trust that I will feel like baking in a week or so. I am just not stressed about any of it. It's wonderful. Christmas will come no matter what we do or don't do. The Grinch taught me that ;) All the things that I have named are just traditions. They are meant to enhance the Christmas experience, not rule it or define it. Traditions should be an expression of our joy and gratitude, not a source of stress. Could it be that I am finally learning how to live by that?

To some, all of this may not seem like such a big deal. For me, it marks a profound change. In years past, the month of December was like the end of a college semester. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were the final exams. Pressure and stress ruled the season. Relief came on December 26th. Not so this year. The season hasn't changed. The traditions haven't changed. So, I guess I've changed. I've allowed myself to be still and let God be bigger than the circumstances, than me, than my need for control and perfection. There is such amazing peace in that. I can trust Him with all of my heart. Not to do what I want. But to do what is best. I can be still and trust Him.