This I Know - a love story

Jesus loves me,
This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The Bible tells me so.

I'm not sure, but this may be the first song I ever learned. It is woven throughout my childhood like a bright, golden thread. I remember singing it as I played and singing it to my pets. Of course, I never sang it around people; I was far too shy for that. So, I sang it in solitude and I believed it with all my heart. I accepted the simple truth of that song with a child's simple faith. Jesus was very real to me and He was my friend. Today, He is still both.

I often say that I cannot remember a time in my life when I did not know Jesus. From my earliest recollections, I had a Prayer Reminder card that hung beneath the light switch in my bedroom. On it was a picture of Jesus and a cross that glowed in the dark. Every single night of my childhood, I fell asleep looking at that glowing cross and knowing that Jesus loved me. When I was seven years old, our pastor came to visit my parents and I, because I had asked to be baptized. I remember being very nervous as he asked me questions about Jesus and the cross, but I answered him with that simple faith. Years later, my mother told me that she was concerned about me being too young to really understand salvation. She had expressed those concerns to the pastor, but after speaking with me, he assured my mother that I understood. I knew that God was our Father, Creator of all things; and that Jesus was His Son who had given His life on the cross so that I could go to heaven. I understood about the forgiveness of sins.

As a small child, I loved church! I enjoyed learning and singing about Jesus. And I had such simple notions of God's involvement in church. Whenever the pastor came out of the door at the back of the stage on Sunday morning, I was convinced that God was on the other side of that door and the two of them had just had the most wonderful conversation. The first time I visited the pastor's office beyond that door, I was preoccupied with looking for God. I knew that He had to be in there somewhere. I didn't have to look for Jesus though, because He was always with me. My sister had told me that and I believed her. Even though I couldn't see Him, I knew he was there. Now, why I thought I could see God in that office, I'll never know.

As I began to grow older, church became confusing for me. Jesus loved me and had died for my sins; yet, people expected me to look and act a certain way. If I failed them, I was met with disapproval and a certain amount of rejection. I began to project my experience with people on to God. The older I got, the more I understood what was being preached, and the message always seemed to be that I was doing everything wrong. I would come away from church feeling guilty, like I was a bad person and didn't deserve God's love. People's words and expectations changed the course of my thinking. My relationship with Jesus was so strong, that I did not question His love for me. Father God was a different story, though. My understanding of Him changed and I began to think of Him as an angry God that required strict obedience or else. I thought I had to earn his love. I grew afraid of God. Not in a reverential way, as the Word teaches us to be; but in a fearful way of I'm-gonna-mess-up-and-He's-gonna-reject-me-forever. No matter how perfect I tried to be, I could never be good enough. And, believe me, I tried!

For reasons unknown to me, my parents stopped going to church when I was a preteen, and I was relieved. Instead, we spent the weekends in the country, which gave me some of the happiest memories of my life. Most weekends, there were cousins to hang out with, work to be done and fun to be found. Yet, occasionally I would find time alone. I can remember riding my dirt bike out into the woods to find a quiet spot where I could sit and talk to God. I told Him how beautiful His creation was. That seemed to be our common ground. I could connect to Him through nature. Then, I would pour my heart out to Him about my confusions and how I tried to be good. I would ask His forgiveness and know that it was available, but I was always afraid that it would run out and He would just give up on me. Even in my prayers, I was trying to please Him. I felt like I never could. Yet, all the while, I still believed that Jesus loved me no matter what. I clung to Jesus and I feared my Father. I cried out for Jesus when I was at my worst and He was always there. I would sink into depression because I failed to please people, which made me think that I had failed God. Still, Jesus loved me. As the years passed by, I grew further and further away from my Father; but I still knew - always - that Jesus loved me.

The turning point of my life began ten years ago with a prophecy and a vision. I won't share it here. It's a whole story unto itself and one of the most treasured, precious moments of my life. That prophetic word and the vision that accompanied it were seeds that my Father planted into my life. Some time went by as those seeds were watered by the Word of God and by a pastor who constantly expounded on God's love. The seeds germinated and grew in my heart. Finally, they came to fruition with the revelation of this scripture:

Philip said to Him, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you such a long time and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father. And how do you say, Show us the Father? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in Me? The Words that I speak to you I do not speak of Myself, but the Father who dwells in Me..." ~ John 14:8-10

The revelation came on a day when I was bawling in pain, feeling rejected because I had failed people and wrongly thinking that I had failed God. I cried out to Jesus in my sorrow, knowing that He loved me, knowing that He would forgive me, knowing that He accepted me without reservation. Then, I heard His voice so clearly in my heart:

"If you've seen Me, you've seen the Father."

I grabbed my Bible and I found this passage that I had read countless times before (so this was why I practically lived in John 14-17) and I read it with new understanding. I could hear Jesus asking me, "Have I been with you such a long time and yet you have not known Me, Carol? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in Me?"

My life changed that day. I received my Father's unconditional love and acceptance. I didn't deserve it. I didn't earn it. It was a gift, freely given, available to me all along. It was as though I had walked with Jesus throughout my life, receiving His love; yet turning away the beautifully wrapped package of my Father's love that Jesus carried for me. He would offer me this gift, but I insisted that I had to earn it. How incredibly stupid of me!

How did that revelation of His love change my life? It increased my faith and ability to trust God. It brought me great joy! It healed many wounds. It filled the empty places in my heart. Most importantly,  it changed the way I related to people. I saw them through my Father's eyes of love. It gave me a new boldness to speak God's Word and His love into the lives of people. I was blessed with an opportunity to minister in a prison, sharing that message of love with broken women who desperately needed God's forgiveness and acceptance. His love gave me a desire to share that love with others.

Recently, I experienced a season of deep longing. Nothing seemed to satisfy it. Then, one morning I cried this longing out to my husband, who God promptly used to minister to me. I had not been receiving God's love to the fullness that I had in the past. I had been trying to earn it again. I wept and repented. Immediately, His love came in a flood. I returned to my first love. My heart's prayer is, "More love God, please, more love." Not just for me, but for the world. Not that He needs to pour out more love, He's already made all of His love available to us. We must receive it.

I encourage you today to receive His love to the fullest. It's a gift, freely given. You don't have to earn it, work for it or deserve it. Just receive it. Our Father loves you so much that He gave His dear son to die so that your sin, your bad behavior and your  failed performance would no longer separate you from Him. Jesus loves you so much that He gave His life for you, so that you could draw near to God without fear of disapproval, rebuke or rejection. God loves you.

God, the Creator of the universe, loves you.

Your Father chooses you to saturate with His love.

He desires to heal your hurts and bless your life, because He loves you.

He longs to hear your voice and speak wisdom into your heart, because He loves you.

He has a good plan for your life that will bring you a satisfaction that you have never known, because He loves you.

These things I know. Because the Bible tells me so.


~~~

Notes: 

1. The rock in the picture is one that I found as a child. I thought it was quite a miracle to find a heart-shaped rock. I colored it with crayons and gave it to my parents. They kept it on a windowsill until my mom moved to heaven. Today, it sits on my desk as a reminder that God loves me so much, that he formed a heart-shaped rock, had a gravel truck deliver it to the end of my parent's driveway and led me to find it.

2. The childrens' hymn Jesus Loves Me was written by Anna Bartlett Warner as a poem in 1860. Two years later, William Batchelder Bradbury set it to music and added the chorus.
 

The Phoebe Factor

My favorite episode of the TV sitcom Friends is the one where Phoebe challenges Ross, the paleontologist, about evolution. Early in the show, Phoebe admits that she does not believe in evolution, which greatly annoys Ross. He spends the rest of the show trying to convince her that it is scientific fact. When he shows up with a "briefcase of facts", Phoebe cuts him off with the following speech:

Ross, Could you just open your mind just this much! OK? Now, wasn’t there a time when the brightest minds in the world thought the earth was flat? And, up until like 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you like split it open and this whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can’t admit that there’s a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?

Ross hesitantly admits that there may be a teeny, tiny possibility. Phoebe then feigns astonishment that he caved so easily and lays a huge guilt trip on him. Classic!

Yes, it's funny and makes for great entertainment; but Phoebe's speech also holds some pretty sound wisdom. My take on modern science is that God's creation is like a giant jigsaw puzzle and mankind is like a group of toddlers with only a fraction of the total pieces. Yet, they are certain that they can put together the pieces they have to form the complete picture. Every so often, they discover another piece or two, work it into the interpretation of the picture that they have and declare once again that this is how it all works. OK, yes, I admit that this is an oversimplification and a generalization; but you get my drift.

Now, let me stop here to assure you that I'm not about to go off on creation vs. evolution. Instead, the topic of today's blog is arrogance. And my target is not the scientific community, but the religious one. Yet, I cannot help but to point out that on both sides of the creation vs. evolution chasm, there are distressingly horrendous cases of extreme pride and arrogance. I have read arguments on internet forums that put both the scientific and Christian communities to shame. That is all I have to say about that... for now.

After first seeing that episode of Friends, Phoebe's speech became my banner to fly against the arrogance of scientists who had dismissed creation. I have rattled it off many times. But, leave it to God to use a New Age TV character to teach me an enormous lesson. One little question, whispered quietly to me by the Holy Spirit, caused me to redirect my thinking:

"Hasn't the church been guilty of the same arrogance?"

Looking back through the history of the Christian church, there are countless examples of such arrogance. Martin Luther was witness to that arrogance in the church of his day and wrote against it in his Ninety-Five Theses. That same blind pride led church leaders to convict William Tyndale of heresy, strangle him and burn him at the stake for translating the Bible into English. Throughout the centuries, many so-called godly people have allowed themselves to become so ingrained in religious doctrine that they fail to see the truth of God's Word. The resulting cruelty and oppression have turned multitudes away from a loving, forgiving Heavenly Father. Even today, thousands of Christian churches hold fast to man-made doctrine that stands in direct opposition to the Word of God, denying the gifts and power of the Holy Spirit. Others are so bound by the letter of the law, that they completely miss the spirit of it.

This problem of arrogance is not exclusive to the Christian church. As I mentioned earlier, the scientific community has been guilty. I believe that examples could be found in every religion, culture, race, organization and community. It is a stumbling block that is common to all mankind. In fact, it is this very attitude of pride and arrogance that sent Jesus to the cross.

The Pharisees of Jesus' time had vast knowledge of the Torah and, subsequently, of the prophecies about the coming Messiah. They, of all people on the earth, should have recognized Him when he came. Yet, many of them had interpreted the prophecies in a very personal way and developed their own expectations. Ultimately, they rejected Jesus, not because He did not fulfill the prophecies (He did), but because He did not fulfill their expectations. Most of the Pharisees pridefully chose to hold on to their own beliefs and expectations, rather than open their hearts to the truth that God had provided. The price they paid was to miss out on God's promise fulfilled. Their erroneous teaching caused many generations to miss out as well.

The attitude that Jesus held toward those arrogant Pharisees should tell us all. Jesus rebuked them many times. He called them vipers because they filled the people with the poison of false doctrine. He called them white-washed tombs because they looked so holy on the outside, but their teachings were self-serving and dead to God's truth. He told those Pharisees that they were of their father the devil. Jesus reserved such rebukes for those close-minded church leaders or for the disciples that were closest to Him that demonstrated that spirit of arrogance. When Peter pridefully boasted that he would die with Him, Jesus replied, "Get behind me Satan." When Jesus was not received by a village, John and James arrogantly offered to call down fire to consume them; but Jesus rebuked them that they did not know what spirit they were of.

Notice that Jesus associated that spirit of prideful arrogance with Satan. There is a spirit that works through mankind, particularly those with authority, to exalt their own plans above God's, to deceive the immature into following their leadership, doctrines and decisions and to resolutely hold on to man-made traditions that cause the Word of God to have no effect. It is the same satanic spirit that was cast out of heaven for attempting to exalt himself above God. It is the same spirit that deceived Eve in the garden and coerced Adam into handing over his God-given authority over the earth.

The Bible has clearly warned us to be on guard because this spirit roams about like a lion, seeking whom he may devour. I challenge you to be mindful of The Phoebe Factor, the name that I used in the title to refer to wisdom and discernment making a stand in the face of prideful arrogance - which would more aptly be called The Jesus Factor. Beware those who promote themselves and are quick to point out others' faults. Submit yourself to God. Read His Word for yourself. Pray over it and allow the Holy Spirit to teach you and guide you into all truth.

One last caution... the Pharisees were promised a Messiah and eagerly awaited His coming. They read the scriptures and memorized the prophecies that foretold His coming. But many allowed their own selfish plans to twist their expectations and to override the truth of God's plan, believing all along that they were without error in their interpretation.

Church, we have been promised that our Savior will return. Will we allow our own arrogance to deceive us with how we think it will all play out and cause us to miss that precious event? Or, will we keep God's Word pure in our hearts, submitting completely to His Truth and staying close to His ever-guiding Holy Spirit and be caught up with Him in the clouds at His return? Guard your hearts and minds, dear children.

Matthew 16:21-23; 23
Mark 7:1-23
Luke 9:51-56
John 16:13-15
James 4:6-12
1 Peter 5

Random Musings of Snow Days

Snowy Day Garden

Snow Day Weather: BRRRR! It is cold today!! I woke up this morning to teen temperatures and negative wind chill factors. Snow still covers the ground from yesterday's snowfall. Schools and many businesses are closed. The world is quiet as most people have gone into hibernation to wait out the weather. A perfect time to write a little personal blog. I've been hitting the Bible study blogs pretty heavily lately, so I thought this would be a nice change. 

Snow Day Adventure: Rick suggested that we go out for breakfast yesterday to check out the roads. About an hour later, I decided I was up for an adventure, so I agreed. I almost changed my mind when the passenger door on the truck would not open. It was frozen shut. The windshield wipers were frozen in place too. After sliding down our street and struggling with a hill, Rick decided to put the truck in four-wheel drive. He announced, "Now we'll get some traction." Then made a left turn and slid sideways down that street. I thought it was all funny until he made a right-on-red turn onto Highway 10. There were cars coming! Granted, they were a block away and doing about 10 miles per hour, but they were coming. And we were sliding again. Sideways, very slowly, down the highway, ahead of the other slowly moving cars. It was like being chased by zombies. We did actually make it to breakfast, and home safely. On the way home, we watched a big duel-wheel truck slide very slowly through a red light that he was trying to stop for. He never did get stopped. Thankfully, no one was moving toward him. The car across the intersection was just spinning, not going anywhere. It was quite a hilarious adventure!

Jessey making hot chocolate

Quinten on his 2nd day of the WoW Snow Day Marathon

Snow Day Gratitude: The boys are delighted to be out of school. Jessey is thankful that he has extra time to study for the test that was scheduled for today. He's also thankful that he does not have to drive his freshly painted car on treachery roads. Quinten is thankful for my decision that homeschoolers should get snow days too. Guess what he's doing? WoW! You're right! Quinten and I ventured outside last night to find out what 10 degree weather actually felt like. Despite my heavy coat, I was shivering in less than two minutes. Quinten insisted that it was not that bad.


Snow Day Accomplishments: I've been taking advantage of the lovely snow-reflected light that is shining into the studio - I've been painting. I have two in the works now. One is a seascape/beach scene. The other is a riverside scene that I began years ago, but never finished. I may title it "Letting Go." We'll see. Are you intrigued? I had to stop painting, though, and let both dry. One of the things I love about oil painting is the technique of layering. But that requires down time between layers. Nothing teaches you patience like waiting for paint to dry. 

Maow in her Snow Day camping spot on my bed.

Nommy on her Snow Day perch

Snow Day Pets: Did I mention that it's cold? The studio was so cold yesterday that we let the cats into our bedroom. They both slept on me last night. I didn't complain. We kept each other warm. Maow has staked out a spot on the bed and is camped there for the duration. Nommy can't be still that long. She played hunting cat from her perch today, while watching the squirrels and the birds in the back yard. Shadow and Faith made a record quick trip outside yesterday morning; but by afternoon they had decided that the snow was fun. They chased around, kicked up the snow and bit it. Twice yesterday, I had to make them come in so they wouldn't freeze.The dogs had one of their favorite treats earlier. After Jessey topped his hot chocolate with whipped cream, he squeezed out a bit for the dogs. It's so much fun to watch them catch falling whipped cream in mid-air. And if they miss, they clean up the mess themselves!

Shadow & Faith getting their Snow Day treat

Snow Day Question: "What are you doing?!" - which was asked of my repeatedly as I snuck up on people to take pictures of them. I'm sure the pets were thinking the same thing.


Snow Day Bliss: Family safe at home, enjoying the day. Getting to spend some time doing what I love.

My sweetheart is a good cook!

Snow Day Blessing: My wonderful husband cooking dinner! Cheesy Chicken Casserole is great comfort food on a cold night! Later, there will be a movie and munchies!

Snow Day Prayer: Lord, thank you for this day of much-needed rest. Also, thank you for the beautiful snowy landscape outside my window. Please keep all my friends and family safe today and blanket them with the warmth of your love. In Jesus' Name - Amen.