Jesus loves me,
This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The Bible tells me so.
I'm not sure, but this may be the first song I ever learned. It is woven throughout my childhood like a bright, golden thread. I remember singing it as I played and singing it to my pets. Of course, I never sang it around people; I was far too shy for that. So, I sang it in solitude and I believed it with all my heart. I accepted the simple truth of that song with a child's simple faith. Jesus was very real to me and He was my friend. Today, He is still both.
I often say that I cannot remember a time in my life when I did not know Jesus. From my earliest recollections, I had a Prayer Reminder card that hung beneath the light switch in my bedroom. On it was a picture of Jesus and a cross that glowed in the dark. Every single night of my childhood, I fell asleep looking at that glowing cross and knowing that Jesus loved me. When I was seven years old, our pastor came to visit my parents and I, because I had asked to be baptized. I remember being very nervous as he asked me questions about Jesus and the cross, but I answered him with that simple faith. Years later, my mother told me that she was concerned about me being too young to really understand salvation. She had expressed those concerns to the pastor, but after speaking with me, he assured my mother that I understood. I knew that God was our Father, Creator of all things; and that Jesus was His Son who had given His life on the cross so that I could go to heaven. I understood about the forgiveness of sins.
As a small child, I loved church! I enjoyed learning and singing about Jesus. And I had such simple notions of God's involvement in church. Whenever the pastor came out of the door at the back of the stage on Sunday morning, I was convinced that God was on the other side of that door and the two of them had just had the most wonderful conversation. The first time I visited the pastor's office beyond that door, I was preoccupied with looking for God. I knew that He had to be in there somewhere. I didn't have to look for Jesus though, because He was always with me. My sister had told me that and I believed her. Even though I couldn't see Him, I knew he was there. Now, why I thought I could see God in that office, I'll never know.
As I began to grow older, church became confusing for me. Jesus loved me and had died for my sins; yet, people expected me to look and act a certain way. If I failed them, I was met with disapproval and a certain amount of rejection. I began to project my experience with people on to God. The older I got, the more I understood what was being preached, and the message always seemed to be that I was doing everything wrong. I would come away from church feeling guilty, like I was a bad person and didn't deserve God's love. People's words and expectations changed the course of my thinking. My relationship with Jesus was so strong, that I did not question His love for me. Father God was a different story, though. My understanding of Him changed and I began to think of Him as an angry God that required strict obedience or else. I thought I had to earn his love. I grew afraid of God. Not in a reverential way, as the Word teaches us to be; but in a fearful way of I'm-gonna-mess-up-and-He's-gonna-reject-me-forever. No matter how perfect I tried to be, I could never be good enough. And, believe me, I tried!
For reasons unknown to me, my parents stopped going to church when I was a preteen, and I was relieved. Instead, we spent the weekends in the country, which gave me some of the happiest memories of my life. Most weekends, there were cousins to hang out with, work to be done and fun to be found. Yet, occasionally I would find time alone. I can remember riding my dirt bike out into the woods to find a quiet spot where I could sit and talk to God. I told Him how beautiful His creation was. That seemed to be our common ground. I could connect to Him through nature. Then, I would pour my heart out to Him about my confusions and how I tried to be good. I would ask His forgiveness and know that it was available, but I was always afraid that it would run out and He would just give up on me. Even in my prayers, I was trying to please Him. I felt like I never could. Yet, all the while, I still believed that Jesus loved me no matter what. I clung to Jesus and I feared my Father. I cried out for Jesus when I was at my worst and He was always there. I would sink into depression because I failed to please people, which made me think that I had failed God. Still, Jesus loved me. As the years passed by, I grew further and further away from my Father; but I still knew - always - that Jesus loved me.
The turning point of my life began ten years ago with a prophecy and a vision. I won't share it here. It's a whole story unto itself and one of the most treasured, precious moments of my life. That prophetic word and the vision that accompanied it were seeds that my Father planted into my life. Some time went by as those seeds were watered by the Word of God and by a pastor who constantly expounded on God's love. The seeds germinated and grew in my heart. Finally, they came to fruition with the revelation of this scripture:
Philip said to Him, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you such a long time and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father. And how do you say, Show us the Father? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in Me? The Words that I speak to you I do not speak of Myself, but the Father who dwells in Me..." ~ John 14:8-10
The revelation came on a day when I was bawling in pain, feeling rejected because I had failed people and wrongly thinking that I had failed God. I cried out to Jesus in my sorrow, knowing that He loved me, knowing that He would forgive me, knowing that He accepted me without reservation. Then, I heard His voice so clearly in my heart:
"If you've seen Me, you've seen the Father."
I grabbed my Bible and I found this passage that I had read countless times before (so this was why I practically lived in John 14-17) and I read it with new understanding. I could hear Jesus asking me, "Have I been with you such a long time and yet you have not known Me, Carol? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in Me?"
My life changed that day. I received my Father's unconditional love and acceptance. I didn't deserve it. I didn't earn it. It was a gift, freely given, available to me all along. It was as though I had walked with Jesus throughout my life, receiving His love; yet turning away the beautifully wrapped package of my Father's love that Jesus carried for me. He would offer me this gift, but I insisted that I had to earn it. How incredibly stupid of me!
How did that revelation of His love change my life? It increased my faith and ability to trust God. It brought me great joy! It healed many wounds. It filled the empty places in my heart. Most importantly, it changed the way I related to people. I saw them through my Father's eyes of love. It gave me a new boldness to speak God's Word and His love into the lives of people. I was blessed with an opportunity to minister in a prison, sharing that message of love with broken women who desperately needed God's forgiveness and acceptance. His love gave me a desire to share that love with others.
Recently, I experienced a season of deep longing. Nothing seemed to satisfy it. Then, one morning I cried this longing out to my husband, who God promptly used to minister to me. I had not been receiving God's love to the fullness that I had in the past. I had been trying to earn it again. I wept and repented. Immediately, His love came in a flood. I returned to my first love. My heart's prayer is, "More love God, please, more love." Not just for me, but for the world. Not that He needs to pour out more love, He's already made all of His love available to us. We must receive it.
I encourage you today to receive His love to the fullest. It's a gift, freely given. You don't have to earn it, work for it or deserve it. Just receive it. Our Father loves you so much that He gave His dear son to die so that your sin, your bad behavior and your failed performance would no longer separate you from Him. Jesus loves you so much that He gave His life for you, so that you could draw near to God without fear of disapproval, rebuke or rejection. God loves you.
God, the Creator of the universe, loves you.
Your Father chooses you to saturate with His love.
He desires to heal your hurts and bless your life, because He loves you.
He longs to hear your voice and speak wisdom into your heart, because He loves you.
He has a good plan for your life that will bring you a satisfaction that you have never known, because He loves you.
These things I know. Because the Bible tells me so.
~~~
Notes:
1. The rock in the picture is one that I found as a child. I thought it was quite a miracle to find a heart-shaped rock. I colored it with crayons and gave it to my parents. They kept it on a windowsill until my mom moved to heaven. Today, it sits on my desk as a reminder that God loves me so much, that he formed a heart-shaped rock, had a gravel truck deliver it to the end of my parent's driveway and led me to find it.
2. The childrens' hymn Jesus Loves Me was written by Anna Bartlett Warner as a poem in 1860. Two years later, William Batchelder Bradbury set it to music and added the chorus.
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