Remodeling

Before

FINALLY! My old beige, drab kitchen is gone! Hallelujah!!

I love my kitchen. It is a wonderful kitchen and I am truly blessed to have it, so please don't get me wrong. When Rick and I moved into the house in 1987, I wanted a blue (my favorite color) kitchen. My dad sent me to a place to buy discount wallpaper and I dug through bins for hours. The best I could find was a beige wallpaper with small blue-gray flowers on it. OK, I could live with that above the chair rail if the wall below was painted that blue-gray. Well, the wallpaper went up, the wall below it was painted off-white and in the rush to move in, it was never repainted. For 23 years I never got around to painting my kitchen blue. Rick and I were newlyweds, then I had two jobs, then we had kids... and so on.

It's such a shame that I let 23 years go by without doing something in one weekend that would have made a difference in my life. The color blue calms me, brings me peace and joy. I have no doubt, it would have made a difference. To me, my kitchen was never finished. I got so busy doing the "next thing" that I never finished the "last thing."

Three years ago, our A/C drain clogged up and flooded the house. The insurance paid to replace the soaked carpet in our living room, hall, master bed/bath. By doing the work ourselves, we had enough money to install wood floor in our bedroom and ceramic tiles in the other areas. We even had enough to buy matching ceramic tile for the kitchen. I made up my mind that before the new tile went down, the wallpaper would come off and my kitchen would get painted. Well, we completed all the damaged areas to satisfy the insurance company; but with the holidays on the way, I called off the remodeling before the kitchen was started. We intended to pick it back up after the new year (3 years ago, remember?); but I kept finding excuses to not do it. Once again, getting busy with the next thing and leaving undone the last thing.

I believe that the main reason for my procrastination is that I hate for things to be torn up. I like for everything to be just so and in its place. Remodeling requires upheaval. Everything has to be moved out, cleaned out and ripped out in order to make it better.

Last week, Rick and I tore into the kitchen. We ripped off the wallpaper and scraped up the linoleum floor. It's a mess. But the walls are now BLUE! I'm already enjoying the peace.

It is so cathartic to strip something down to the very foundation. Stripping wallpaper to the sheetrock or scraping linoleum off to reveal the concrete underneath. Rick told me that we have to get all of the old floor off the concrete before we can lay the new tile. An uneven surface will cause the tile to break. I really enjoyed the process of stripping away the old. It was hard work and involved physical pain afterward; but I still enjoyed it. I don't like the disarray that my house is in at the moment - all the kitchen furniture in the living room. Tools everywhere. But I can live with it. I have a vision of what the finished product will look like. It's worth waiting for. It will be better than ever. I will not rush through it or leave it unfinished just to get to the next thing. I am willing to be patient and let patience have her perfect work.

Father, please help me to learn from the natural and apply these principles to the Spiritual. Thank you for loving me enough to strip me down to my foundation and rebuild me to be more pleasing to you than I have ever been before. I submit myself to your work and purpose in my heart to be patient during the process. I will not abort your work to run off after the next thing. I will not move furniture into the kitchen (the part of my life that is meant to nourish others) before you have painted it to your liking. 

Jesus, you are my foundation... my rock. It is so wonderful to sit with you again with all the veneer that was between us scraped away. I surrender that man-made artificial veneer, so that it may be replaced with fire-hardened tiles of porcelain - fine and pure. I bond myself to you in love, hope and faith. Amen.

Decisions... Decisions....

Jesus was faced with a decision that was so traumatic, He literally sweated blood. I am thankful that my decisions are not that difficult. What the Lord revealed to me was this: He had two choices and He did not like either of them. He could go to the cross or not. Jesus understood His Father's plan for Him. He understood what His crucifixion would accomplish. He knew the Torah well and had found himself in it. He had read all of the prophecies about His birth, ministry, death and resurrection. He walked into that garden to pray with full understanding of all that was about to happen to Him. He needed to prepare Himself for it.

If He went through with His Father's plan, He would be surrendering Himself to be scourged, ridiculed and crucified. He had seen crucifixions before. He knew what lay ahead. He did not want to undergo such utter humiliation. He was human after all. He was tempted to choose another path. He understood the nature of free will. He knew that He did have a choice. Later that night, He would say to Peter, "Don't you know that I could pray to my Father right now and He would immediately send more than twelve legions of angels?"
Jesus knew that if He asked His Father to save Him, it would be done on the spot. (Lord, please help me to obtain that level of faith) But, He also knew that He had one shot at this. If His Father saved Him, all of mankind would be lost. I believe that was the pressure that drew His first blood. This was THE battle of the will for all ages. Ultimately, He chose His Father's will.

What amazed me in this was the realization that even if Jesus had chosen not to be arrested, His Father would have backed Him up. His Father would have sent angels to deliver Him. There would have been consequences, yes. All of mankind would have been lost. Jesus was not concerned about failing His Father or disappointing Him or being rejected by Him. Jesus had revelation knowledge of the depth of His Father's unconditional love. He knew that His relationship with His Father was eternally established in love. Jesus bowed His will in order to avoid the consequences. He chose the cross that we might be saved.

In the past week, two people have expressed concern to me about failing God. I see now that the Lord was setting me up for a deeper revelation of something I sort of already knew. Once we are born again, we cannot fail God. Our actions may bring unpleasant consequences to ourselves or others, which is why He asks us to submit to His will. His will is always the best way. Our Father created us to have free will and will honor our will, even if our will is to be separated from Him for all eternity.

The Lord spoke something profound to my heart this morning as I prayed. He said that so many of His people live in fear of disobeying Him, but should be more concerned about establishing a relationship with Him. If we are obedient in receiving Jesus' shed blood, then all other disobedience can be blotted out. The problem with disobedience for a Christian is the consequence of it in this life.

There is such freedom in this revelation. It is my heart's desire to do my Father's will. But I don't have to live in fear of missing it. Even if I make a decision that is not in line with His will, His grace - His favor and mercy - will still have my back. I may find myself reaping unpleasant consequences from that decision, but my Father still loves me and is not disappointed in me. Paul said it this way, All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not. - 1Corinthians 10:23

Notes from the Battlefield

"The Dragonslayer" - conte pencil on black matboard

Several years ago, the Lord gave me a picture of a sculptor working on a marble statue. The sculptor was the Lord and the statue was me. He was breaking off large chunks and letting them fall to the ground. Then I saw myself running around the base of the statue picking up those chunks and crying, “no, Lord, I need this!” He replied, “no, you don’t,” and kept right on working. Wow, at the time, I thought that was painful.

Lately, I have seen myself on a battlefield in the midst of a raging battle. It’s back in the days of swords and armor. I have on the Armor of God and I’m fighting the enemy back with my sword; but I’m getting hacked where the armor doesn’t cover. I am bloodied and my flesh is being stripped. I cry out to God and He says, “you don’t need what’s being stripped away.” The Lord showed me that He’s using the enemy to purify me. God’s Armor covers what really counts and the enemy can’t touch those areas. But this other stuff has to go.

It is not pleasant.

At least I am flesh now and no longer stone.

Two weeks ago, during church service, the Lord gave me further revelation on this battlefield. I have been seeing all the strongholds in my life as separate battles. I’ll be fighting a battle on behalf of my family here, but there’s a battle against depression over there that I need to fight, and there’s that one against fear and insecurity over there. And weight loss – HA – I don’t even have time to fight that one! But the Lord revealed to me that there is only one battle on one field and each stronghold is only one enemy. Before, my picture was of an endless battlefield with scores of enemies for each stronghold. Not so. That was a false image that was deceiving me into feeling overwhelmed. With this new vision, the battlefield is smaller and the enemy’s numbers have dwindled. Yes, they are still on all sides of me; but I can take them all on and have victory. I am not overwhelmed. I am more than a conqueror.

So what if my soul feels like it’s ripped, bloody and bleeding. If my King says I don’t need what I’ve lost, then so be it. He allowed Himself to be ripped up for me. If He endured it in His flesh, I can endure it in my soul. My emotions have been ripped up before and I have always come out stronger on the other side. Stronger in faith and stronger in my devotion to my King.

During church service last Sunday, Pastor Linda was proclaiming that our mountains are cast down and are no more. When she said this, I saw myself on that battlefield again and all those enemies that have been surrounding me fell to the ground as dust. I stood on an empty battlefield. I saw my victory!

The battle has still been raging in my thoughts, but I’m not giving it place. I have seen my victory!

A couple of days ago, something very unimportant and insignificant happened that caused the enemy’s vultures to swoop in on my thoughts and start picking me apart. I said no. Eventually, I yielded up the prideful part that let those dark punks in to begin with. But I did not let them drag me into the pit. I told them “NO”. Victory!

My painting has been another battle. I have not made much progress lately. I keep having to wipe it out or paint over. That happens sometimes…usually when I’m trying too hard. I won’t let it be a big deal. I won’t quit. This painting is a key for me. It’s a breakthrough. It’s my testimony. That’s why there’s a battle. When it’s finished, I’m going to post it and write about it. For His glory, not mine. Before I post that painting, I have to post the little girl and tell her story. I don’t want to and I’ve been dreading it. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you will.) I shouldn’t be dreading it. It’s a story about Jesus and his unfailing love. Yep, that’s it. I choose to look at the story that way. Victory!

"The Dragonslayer" is a blast from my past. I think I did it back in the 80's...maybe early 90's. I wanted a battle picture to go with this post, so I dug it out of hiding. I think it looks very Disney. Sleeping Beauty, maybe. I love to use bright colors on black. I need to do more fun stuff like this and stop being so serious all the time.

Anyway, that’s my blog for today, such as it is. Until next time, I’ll be on the battlefield… cutting off heads and turning the enemy to dust.

My Help Comes from the Lord

Photo by Rick Welch

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. - Psalm 121:1-2






Back in the early 90’s, I went through a self-help phase. Most of it came about because I could not take anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications while I was pregnant or nursing. Depression had been my nemesis since I was 12 years old, and no one (including myself) thought that I could be OK without medication.  But, for the sake of my babies, I was determined to do my best. I began reading all the self-help books I could find. I found my inner child. I ran with the wolves. I kept a journal of every obsessive thought, panic attack and depression trigger that I experienced. I was seeing a counselor who was very proactive and empowering. I made more progress with her than I had ever made in therapy before that. Was I still depressed? Yes. I was just coping with it. I was getting by. After Quinten was weaned, I went back on medication.

Now, looking back at that period of my life, I cringe at how self-absorbed I was. Yes, I made progress and for that I am thankful. But my focus was too much on myself. Thankfully, it was not to the exclusion of my children or my husband. I was and still am a good mother and wife; but I did not believe that about myself back then. I was terrified of failure. I lived in fear of “going off the deep end.” So, I was constantly analyzing myself, my emotions and my behavior. I was determined to “fix” myself.

Lately, I have recognized this same attitude of “fix thyself” in the church in general. I read articles in Christian publications that remind me of the self-help books I used to read. I hear it in people’s speech. I’ve recognized it in myself. We need to do this, do that and do this other thing in order to fix ourselves.

Now, before I go any further, let me clarify. The Bible says, “For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged.” (1 Corinthians 11:31) We are required by God’s Word to analyze our motives and behaviors and to purify them. We are expected to grow in maturity. However, we cannot do this in our own strength or through inner focus. We must focus on Christ.

If our pursuit to be Christ-like leads us into such intense self-analysis that it causes us to be self-absorbed, then we have completely missed the mark. Matthew 6:33 commands us to “seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.” It does not tell us to seek ye first to improve thyself!

The scripture goes on to tell what will happen when you seek His Kingdom – all these things shall be added to you. What things? All the things that the Gentiles (unsaved people) seek, according to Matthew 6:32. Yes, Jesus had just been speaking about food and clothing, but I believe it includes more than that. Look at what the world is seeking after – food, clothing, relationships, security, protection, love, peace, freedom from addictions and bondages, self-improvement. All of those things will be added to the ones who seek God’s Kingdom.

What is the Kingdom of God? According to Romans 14:17, it is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 4:20 tells us that the Kingdom of God is not in word, but in power. Whenever Jesus preached the Kingdom of God, the people were healed and delivered. The power was present and it changed lives. Jesus told His disciples to do the same thing He did: preach the Kingdom of God, heal the sick, cast out demons. In other words, say what He said and do what He did. That was the secret to Jesus’ success. Jesus said what His Father said, and did what His Father told Him to do. If we did the same, would we need improvement?

Self-improvement is dependent upon the assumption that a person is lacking or incomplete. Colossians 2:9-10 tells us very clearly, “for in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And you are complete in Him, which is the head of principality and power.”

A few months back I was in full-blown self-help mode. I was praying and asking God, “What do I need to do?” He spoke very clearly to my spirit, saying “you keep talking to me about doing and I want to talk to you about being.”

Specifically, He wanted to talk to me about who I am in Christ. My focus had been on who I thought I was, what other people thought of me, what I was lacking and what I needed to do to fix myself. Do you know what the Bible says we should do to improve ourselves? Die! Die to self! Hey, you can’t fix a dead man! If I no longer live, but Christ lives in me, then where is there room for improvement? If there is anything that I need to learn in order to help myself, it is how to die to my self and allow the fullness of Christ to shine forth through me.

My natural tendency is to be very analytical (which is a great understatement). God created me to be this way and it does have its advantages. Analysis helps me to be a good student of the Word, a good teacher, a good painter, etc. But, when I turn that sharp analysis on myself or on other people, I am in trouble!

Over-analyzing other people is another trap that Christians step into all too often.  We hear people’s problems and see their struggles and start analyzing their situations. Then we start thinking we know how to fix them. So, we give advice, we teach, we preach, we counsel. We give them steps to follow. All so that we can help them to improve. Do you know what the Bible says they need to do to improve? Die! Die to self! Let Christ live through them.

I remember hearing a joke once about how the problem with church is people. If there were no people in the church, it would be perfect. I believe that’s true. If all the people in church would die to themselves and let Christ live in and through them, it would be perfect! Hello, Church! Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?!

None of us are going to be perfect in this life. Only Jesus was perfect. Yes, He is the mark that we strive toward. He is our goal. We are being conformed to His image. We don’t do that in 12-steps. We don’t do it in our own strength or by our own intellect. We do it by renewing our mind daily with the Word of God and seeking His Kingdom. We do it by revelation knowledge of who He is and who we are in Him. We do it by developing a relationship with Him. It is difficult to build a relationship with someone who is self-absorbed and obsessed with self-improvement. If we want a relationship with the Lord, we are going to have to spend more time focused on Him. Let Him focus on us. That’s how a relationship grows.

Jesus loved His disciples and had an amazing relationship with them. In the Gospels, you don’t hear a lot of self-improvement talks, like: “Now Peter, you know you have a temper. Let’s examine all the reasons why you have a temper. After that, I will give you some simple steps to follow that will help you to control your anger, and then you will be much more successful as an evangelist.” No. You hear things like, “Get thee behind me, Satan,” and “Oh ye of little faith.” So, did Jesus correct His disciples? Yes. Did He give them guidance? Yes. But, mostly what He did was point them to the Kingdom of God; by preaching it, then demonstrating it.

I believe that we live in an age of over-analysis and quick-fixes. We, as Christians, and the Church in unity must guard against letting these world views water down the Gospel. Instead of analyzing ourselves and those around us with the intention of fixing everyone, we must focus on Christ. We must yield to Him so that His life and love fill us, engulf us and shine through us; so that His Kingdom will be revealed.