The Kingdom of God is Within You

And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God comes not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you. ~ Luke 17:20-21

The kingdom of God is within us. Jesus said so. For too long we have been seeking that kingdom as if it were outside of us. As if we could find it in the world. For years, I’ve been taught that the kingdom of God is God’s way of doing things. That’s part of it. But it is so much greater... so much deeper. In Mark 4, Jesus explained the parable of the sower by saying that the sower sowed the Word into the soil of our hearts. That seed of the Word of God – the Word of Love – plants the kingdom of God with us. We water that seed with the living water that is the Holy Spirit. We nurture it with the light of truth found in the Word of God. And it grows. The kingdom of God grows within us. It changes us, conforms us to the image of Christ. It matures and bears fruit – love, joy, peace, faith, goodness, patience, self-control - the fruit of the Holy Spirit. It produces, in us, God’s way of doing things. We act in love, we give, we edify, exhort and comfort those around us. It comes from within our own heart. It grows from the inside out. The kingdom of God is within us.

For too long, the body of Christ has been looking for the kingdom as some outside principles that we had to lay hold of and bring to pass. We had to declare the kingdom into existence around us by our faith and our will. We’ve looked for it to manifest on the outside. We’ve thought that our great works, programs, plans, sacrifices, giving, denial of self and all our other busyness (business) would get us into the kingdom. It’s been within us all along, ever since we were born again. We have pursued the kingdom like that carrot at the end of a stick that is bound to a donkey to keep it moving forward, oblivious to everything around it except that carrot. That poor, deceived donkey will walk past lush green fields in pursuit of that carrot. But no matter how hard it tries, how fast it goes, or how bad it wants it, the donkey can never reach the carrot.

God is saying to His church: “Break the stick and eat the carrot. My kingdom is within you.”

The traditions of man have created the stick and put the carrot on the end of it. Empty religious observances, rules, legalism, hypocrisy, hierarchies, autocracy within the church – all of these things have bound us to the stick and kept the kingdom out of our reach. The stick is a lie… created by the father of lies to keep us chasing after something that already belongs to us. Break the stick. Break off the lie. Eat the carrot and receive the revelation that the kingdom of God is within you.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness…. Where does righteousness exist? In our heart, our spirit, that is made right with God by the blood of His son Jesus Christ. The kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. Meat and drink are fleshly matters, but righteousness, peace and joy reside in our spirit, our heart. Those things are within us. Jesus said over and over that it was extremely difficult for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God. That’s because a rich man’s heart is filled with love of money. The Kingdom of God cannot abide there in that root of evil. The kingdom seed would be choked out by it like the weeds in Mark 4.

What will happen when the church truly receives the revelation that the kingdom of God is within us? We will look to our own hearts and allow God to till that soil. We will nurture the seeds planted within us. We will allow the seeds to mature and grow. The kingdom will grow from within us and be manifested in our words, our countenance and our deeds. Through the eyes of our own kingdom hearts, we will recognize the kingdom within the hearts of our brothers and sisters in Christ and will nurture that heart with love and joy. We will recognize the absence of the kingdom in those who are unsaved. They will be drawn to us by the kingdom light that emanates from our heart and shines through our faces. We will plant the seeds of the kingdom within their hearts by speaking the Word of God to them in love. We will nurture those seeds with encouragement, comfort and joy. The seeds we plant will be nurtured to maturity in an environment of love and peace. Seeds will grow into fruit and fruit will produce more seeds to be planted in more hearts. This is the kingdom of God - love, joy, peace and righteousness in our hearts and towards one another.

Jesus said the first and greatest commandment was to love the Lord our God with all our heart, our soul, our mind and our strength. The second was to love our neighbor as ourselves. On these two, hang all the law and the prophets. On these two, hang the kingdom of God. These two commandments work within us. We love from within and allow it to manifest outwardly. Not a feeling, but a decision. We choose, within our hearts, the residence of the kingdom, to love and then we act upon that decision.  For too long, we’ve tried to put the cart before the horse – to act out love before the kingdom is fully established within us. We end up manufacturing something that is not really love. It is control and manipulation that wears a fake mask of love. We’ve been like the Pharisees, saying do this and do that. Act like me, dress like me, pray like me, walk like me, live like me. Yet our hearts have been filled with pride and judgment rather than the kingdom. We’ve beat one another over the head with the Word. We’ve used it as a corrective rod to beat others into submission. We’ve used it to beat ourselves up. That’s not the kingdom. No more, church! We must repent of spreading this poisonous concoction and seek the kingdom in earnest. Not the kingdom that we want, that we think is right, that we are comfortable with; but the true kingdom of God - love, joy, peace and righteousness, flowing from our hearts into the hearts of others. Cast off the outward trappings of a man-made religion! Cast off your graveclothes! Be vulnerable before God and allow Him to restore the kingdom in your heart. Allow that kingdom to radiate from the inside out and clothe you in the glory of God.

The Lord is speaking to His church:

“You can do it your way if you want to. I have given you free will. There is a way that seems right to you. Others have done it this way. But I say to you that that way leads to destruction. So many churches think that I have blessed them because of the works, programs, order and government. But I tell you that I have blessed them in spite of these things. My grace and mercy provide for my children even through their stubbornness and pride. You have rejoiced in a trickle and called yourself great. But I am calling you to a higher way. I am calling you to turn and repent from the way that you thought was right. I am calling you to see the truth. When you cultivate my kingdom in your hearts as I truly intended, when you nurture one another’s hearts in pure unselfish love, I will be manifested among you. My glory will shine forth in you like the sun. You have been standing on the shore fishing for souls with fake, shiny lures. Sure you’ve caught a few fish that way. It seems right to you. But when you follow me out into the deep in your own hearts and my glory shines forth from within you and you are truly known for your love for one another, then the fish will be drawn to you as they were drawn to Peter’s boat. You will work as a team, not because of the rules, structure and order you created out of your own minds and by your own works, but because your hearts have been knitted together in my kingdom, by my love, by your love for me and for one another. As a team, you will cast out your nets and gather in a harvest greater than your boat can handle. Then other boats, other churches, will join in. Your hearts will be knitted with them in love as well. My church will be unified by my kingdom, the kingdom of love, that I have placed within your hearts. Seek first my kingdom and my righteousness. Seek it within, not without. I will add the fish when you are ready.”

Casting Off the Straight Jacket

David

Saul gave his own armor to David for him to wear: a bronze helmet, which he put on David's head, and a coat of armor. David strapped Saul's sword over the armor and tried to walk, but he couldn't, because he wasn't used to wearing them. "I can't fight with all this," he said to Saul. "I'm not used to it." So he took it all off. ~ 1 Samuel 17:38-39

Yesterday, I got this very clear vision of myself struggling out of a constricting jacket and working very hard to cast it off. "That's odd," I thought. I sat back to wonder why I would see such a thing, only to realize that it was exactly how I felt.

As I chased the vision, I was immersed in the feeling of trying to take off a jacket that is too tight and it is simply not cooperating. I'm sure everyone has experienced it. You're cramped in the car, it's gotten too warm and you must rid yourself of that garment before the light turns green. You try to slip out of the sleeves, but they won't quite let go. So, you fling your arms. You pull. You wiggle. You strain. You become increasingly frustrated. You even begin to get a bit claustrophobic. But, you're determined! Finally, with one herculean effort, you emerge from the binding annoyance and fling it away into the back seat. Good riddance!!

I believe this vision was a signal to me that I am finally shedding the spiritual straight-jacket that I have been wearing for far too long. Sure, the vision brought associations of a caterpillar emerging from a cocoon as a beautiful butterfly flitting off to blissful freedom; but, I'm telling you, this felt like escaping from the bondage of a straight-jacket. And it felt like I had to dislocate parts of myself to do it - the same way that Houdini had to dislocate his shoulders to make his famous escapes.

I say a spiritual straight-jacket, because it has been a spiritual bondage. For a long time now, I have been gaining new revelation of the word of God. I am seeing things in a new light. These revelations have challenged what I have been taught in many key areas. They are not radical changes in doctrine, but rather a fine-tuning. Please understand that I don't think anyone has put me in bondage. I put myself there. I've tried to please people, to conform to the expectations of others, to understand and abide in biblical concepts in ways that make no sense to me. I've tried to wear other people's ideas, methods, expectations, and convictions even though they just don't fit me! I am reminded of David as he prepared to go out against Goliath. At Saul's insistence, David put on the king's heavy armor. Thankfully, the young man had enough sense to cast it off and point out that it didn't work for him! He wasn't afraid of what the king would say or if he would be angry. He didn't second guess himself and think, "oh, the king must be right, because he is after all the king, so I should just do what he says." No. David's confidence was in God. He obeyed the call of God down to the smallest detail, in spite of those around him who by their authority should "know best".

God knows each of us individually and intimately. He knows my thoughts, my strengths, my weaknesses, my struggles, my personality. He knows how I can be most effective for His kingdom. Yes, we are all called to serve and are all called to obey His word. But, the detailed methods for walking that out on a daily basis are unique to each one of us. The same sermon that fires up one person and inspires him to seek God may cause another person to be buried in condemnation and run from God. We are all different. God created us that way.

A few years ago, I read an article about the difficulties that introverts tend to have in churches. By nature of their personalities, church leaders tend to be extroverts and often expect everyone around them to be the same. That article really spoke to some of the trials that I was experiencing at the time. Too many times I've tried to fit my round self into a square hole, because I was raised to do what I was told, when I was told, the way I was told, without question. I believe this is much of what I'm shaking off.

Could it be that I am finally taking my personal walk with God and truly making it my own? I hope so.

Father, as I move forward into this new year, please grant me the courage and boldness of David to do your will, your way - even if it means that I have to risk rejection by telling someone that their way doesn't work for me. Thank you, Lord, for giving me the wisdom to divide your word rightly, so that it always brings light into my life. Thank you for the strength to step out into new revelation and shake off traditional interpretations of your word in favor of new wine and fresh manna.

A Christmas Celebration!

Christmas - that single word brings forth so many memories, images, and associations for me. When I hear the word, I immediately see glittering lights and tinsel, hear the sound of bells and carols, smell the fragrance of evergreen and cinnamon, taste freshly-baked cookies and feel the warmth of a fire on a cold, wintry day. To me, the word Christmas is one of the richest, fullest words in the English language. At the very center of it, is its truest meaning - Christ's mass, the celebration of Christ.

In the past month, I have heard and read many opinions of Christmas - what people think of the holiday, how they celebrate it and what it really means to them. Now, it's my turn. I offer this not as a condemnation or a judgement of anyone's beliefs, but simply as an expression of my own. Let me preface it by saying that I am fully aware of the history of Christmas - the winter solstice, the pagan traditions and the fact that Jesus was not actually born on December 25. To these I offer a resounding "I don't care!" Christmas will forever reside in my heart as the day I celebrate the birth of Christ, and all that His birth represents. I celebrate it with lights, a decorated tree, excessive amounts of food (particularly cookies) and gifts for my closest and dearest.

Some of my earliest memories are of Christmas. I absolutely loved Christmas and awaited it every year with passionate, torturous anticipation. As soon as Autumn arrived, the countdown would begin. Halloween was the first milestone. I loved to dress up, watch scary movies and eat massive amounts of candy. Once past that treat-filled day was the month long journey to Thanksgiving with all the attention to pilgrims and turkeys. I could not wait to eat turkey and dressing and chocolate pie. Thanksgiving was a day of family, feasting and giving thanks. But it was also the transition day. I would watch the Macy's parade and await the arrival of Santa Claus. Once he made his appearance, the whole world changed.

With the close of Thanksgiving came the arrival of Christmas. Stores were filled with decorations, toys and Christmas music. The Christmas catalog would arrive and bring with it the promise of brightly colored packages and Christmas morning surprises. The search for the perfect tree began. Decorations came out of closets and cabinets and transformed my parents' home into a wonderland. Lights went on the roof. Secrets were whispered, and closets were deemed off-limits. School days were filled with coloring pictures of Santa and making popsicle stick ornaments. Once discovered, the perfect tree went up in the living room and was covered with lights, garland, tinsel and the most wonderful variety of ornaments in existence. Each ornament got my full attention and was studied down to the smallest detail. I remember spending hours on end just looking at the tree and absorbing all its wonder.

The greatest wonder of all was nestled beneath the tree every year. When I was old enough, I was allowed to set it up myself. It was my favorite of all the decorations. I treated it with the greatest respect and reverence. For me, it summed up Christmas. It was the nativity set. There was a wooden stable with actual hay glued to the roof and floor. It had a hole in the back to insert a Christmas light. It was of the utmost importance to me to be sure we hung one light low enough for the stable. There was an angel affixed to the top of the stable, heralding the miraculous scene below. The figures were beautifully painted, their faces and hands expressive of the wonder of the historical moment they represented. Three wisemen, shepherds, sheep, Mary and Joseph. And at the very center was the baby Jesus, laying in the manger, fresh from heaven. So much of my time was spent in front of that nativity, laying in the floor and imagining that momentous night. I would use the little figures to act out the scene over and over. I would look at that little baby and be amazed that He would grow up to heal the sick, raise the dead and give up His life on the cross, so that I might have eternal life. I understood the miracle of His birth. It filled my heart with wonder, awe and gratitude.

For me, Christ is, always has been, and always will be the center of Christmas. His birth was a miracle, not only that He was born of a virgin, but that love, grace and truth had entered the world in the flesh. His birth was so important that a multitude of angels pierced the veil to appear in this world, filling the sky with rejoicing! Heaven knew the magnitude of His birth! The angels endeavored to make it known to the shepherds. The wise men understood that greatness had entered the earth. The world was forever changed the day Jesus was born. His life began with a miracle, and ended with one too. Like bookends, His birth and resurrection stand at each end of His life, miracles, wonders, and reminders of the greatest gift ever given to mankind.

I don't worry about whether my traditions for celebrating Christmas are "correct" or not. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter is that I celebrate! I share this day with my loved ones. I celebrate the miracle. So what if pagans celebrated the winter solstice or evergreens had some other meaning. I've never worried about Santa becoming more important than Jesus. As a child, I thought Santa worked for Jesus! On my tree, there are ornaments of crosses and nativities hanging right next to Bugs Bunny, a Corvette and a Storm Trooper. Some people may be offended by that. If so, don't come to my house. Here, we celebrate God's gift. We celebrate our lives, our family, our freedom in Christ. We feast, we laugh, we bless each other with gifts, we light our house for the whole neighborhood to see, and we love one another. Today, we celebrate that light, love, grace and truth came into this world with Jesus Christ. What better way to celebrate than with love in hearts and love in our home.

Merry Christmas to all and may God Bless you richly!

Calling Forth the Light

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 
~ 2 Corinthians 4:6

It takes the same effort to call forth light as it does to rebuke darkness. Which did God do in the beginning? He didn't have to rebuke the darkness. He simply called forth light. The light dispelled the darkness.

Lately, I've had my ears perked and I've been listening. I've been hearing a lot of rebuking of negative things. But I've not heard as much calling forth of the things of God. Maybe we should be asking ourselves, "where is my focus?" We speak what is in our heart. If our heart is overwhelmed with the negative that we see in others and around ourselves, then those things become our focus. We may become obsessed with ridding our lives of these negative things. So, we rebuke this and that and every thing that seems to be hindering us or our loved ones. How's that been working out for you? Maybe it's time to shift focus.

Of course, as Christians, we have been given authority to overcome darkness and the Lord expects us to exercise that authority. But that does not always involve rebuking the negative. We can take authority over a situation by calling forth God's results. In the beginning, God took authority over darkness by calling forth light. He called that which was not, as though it were. He spoke the end from the beginning. That's what He does. Shouldn't we do likewise?

Sure, there are times that we must speak directly to dark forces and rebuke them. Jesus ordered Satan to get behind Him, when Peter spoke forth temptation. Jesus discerned the spirit that was operating through Peter and dealt directly with the spirit. We must use discernment, as Jesus did, to know what is needed in each situation.

In most situations, Jesus, like His Father, called forth the desired result. Notice that Jesus did not rebuke death when He raised Lazarus. He simply called him forth. Jesus' focus was on His Father, not on death. Why would we want to focus on the stupid devil and his activities when we can focus on our Father and the heavenly treasures that He has made available to us?

When our focus is truly on our Father, on our Lord Jesus and on the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us, our words will reflect that focus. We will seek the good things of God and call them forth, rather than jumping at every shadow.

I've been putting the principle of calling forth into practice this week. The results are amazing. My spirit gets so stirred up! Here's a sample of what I've been saying. Give it a try by speaking it out loud.

I call forth the Love of God, shed abroad in my heart, drawing me closer to Him and changing my outlook towards others. I receive His Love now. I am filled to overflowing with it and I give it out freely.

I call forth the Peace of Jesus, given to me by Him before His crucifixion. I put on that Peace like a warm coat that envelopes me with comfort and security. I bask in His Peace.

I call forth the Joy of the Lord, which is my strength. His Joy rings out in my life like a bell. It rises up from within me like effervescent bubbles, filling me with His laughter.

I call forth the Power of the Holy Spirit, against which nothing can stand. That Resurrection Power is alive in me and working through me now and always. I embrace it and move forth in its flow.

I call forth the Wisdom of the Ancient of Days, which is freely given to me at my request. I receive it daily as a fresh download from heaven. His Wisdom orders my steps and directs my path.

I call forth the Healing that was purchased for me by Jesus' stripes. I walk in divine health all the days of my life. I am a child of the Most High God and Healing is my bread. I partake of it and receive it into my flesh.

I call forth the Prosperity of El Shaddai and declare that nothing is missing or broken in my life or my household. I have all sufficiency in all things to abound to every good work.

I call forth Faith... mountain-moving, water-walking, healing-the-blind, raising-the-dead, calling-things-that-be-not-as-though-they-were FAITH!! Let it guide me and keep me in every area of my life, that I may be pleasing to you, Lord.


So, friends, are you stirred up? I know I am. Oh... was there something we needed to rebuke?
I can't seem to remember now....

Germany - God's People

It is an amazing thing to see God move in the midst of His people and to see them hungrily grab hold of His movement and be filled. I just spent two weeks in Germany witnessing outpourings of God’s Spirit into two wonderful churches. In both places, they already knew God and had such close relationship with Him, but they were hungry for more. They reached out to Him in faith and received in great measure. 

Last night, I was asked what my favorite part of the trip was. My answer was “the people.” They are so wonderful. They welcomed us into their homes, their church, and their hearts. They will be in my heart always. Their names and faces now inhabit my prayers. I was so moved by their eagerness to learn and their hunger for more of God. Friday night at the Hamburg church, Pastor Linda called for everyone who wanted more of God to come forward. The entire church surged to the front of the sanctuary, crowded around the altar, lifted their hands and praised God. Worship flowed in the prophetic realm with new songs and uplifted hearts. The sound of heaven came forth in the music. The people stayed at the altar for most of the service and were hesitant to go back to their seats. God met His people and touched their lives.

At the last service in the Berlin church, people came forward for healing prayer and received God’s touch. Then they came forward again to receive an impartation of the prophetic gift. They were so hungry. And God filled them. There, too, prophetic worship flowed and new songs came forth. Our hearts were turned completely to God. We basked in His embrace of love. Lives were changed. People were set free from bondages. Love filled the sanctuary.

These are the two services that stand foremost in my memories, but there was so much more. In both churches, we saw the praise & worship rise to new levels. The musicians broke out of traditions and mindsets and truly broke through into worshipping God in Spirit and in truth. The congregations followed and embraced the freedom. Prophetic words went forth in every service that set the captives free and propelled people into God’s destiny.

There is simply too much to write. It was an experience that is difficult to put into words. But, I would like to share with you a few “snapshots” that stand out in my memory; people and moments that touched my heart and glorified God.

An 80+ year old man beamed like the sun itself when he received a prophetic word about God’s love for him. You could see strength rise in his heart and in his body. His head and shoulders lifted high as he displayed the honor of God.

A teenage boy went forth with the evangelism team and boldly declared Jesus to everyone that would hear. He prayed for a teenage couple, led them to the Lord, and then discerned that the team needed to pray for the couples’ protection as they began their walk with Christ.

A beautiful woman received the word of God that she would speak forth His words, proclaim His glory and break through gender barriers in ministry. Later, she stepped up and preached with a power that amazed her church family.

A worship leader fearlessly took a leap of faith and led his team to a greater level of praise and worship than they had ever experienced. He poured his heart out to God in worship and his team eagerly followed. I will never forget the faces of each team member – joy, rapture, love, reverence and awe.

The love of God shined forth in the face of a 92 year old woman as I prayed for her. I sensed such a great faith and great wisdom in her that I was in awe. She simply smiled at me and I melted.

A great bear of a man received a prophetic word from God with such humility and eagerness. He literally hung on every word with tears in his eyes. He was transformed before our eyes.

A beautiful woman sang out from the congregation with the voice of an angel, transporting us all into the throne room. She was the founding pastor’s wife and she was love personified. Her hugs and words of encouragement got me through that last day of ministry.

In both cities, there were interpreters translating every word our team preached and taught, then translated to us what was preached and taught and sang in German. They worked faithfully every day we were in their cities. They poured themselves out for us and for the Lord. I will never forget their kindness, patience and selfless service.

Volunteers took our team sightseeing, shopping and drove us back and forth every day. They fed us wonderfully. They provided us with schedules, information and met every need we had. They made the experience very easy and enjoyable for us. I will be forever grateful.

The church leaders embraced us with great compassion and were eager to receive what God brought forth in us and were eager to pour into us in return. I was so moved by all these mighty men and women of God.

Mostly, for me personally, I will always remember the wonderful family in Berlin who took my friend Debra and I into their home and made us welcome. They took us on special trips through Berlin, talked with us about God, Germany and America. They fed us generously with the most delicious food. Their son asked many questions about America and told us much about Germany; gave me a personal tour through the restaurant buffet line; and reminded me so much of my own sons that my heart was comforted. This family is truly an example of God’s love, acceptance and generosity. They are in my heart. They are my German family.

I am so proud of the team from my church. We all grew closer. We were all stretched in our faith. We were all changed and touched by the wonderful people we met. It was an honor to serve with this powerful team.

Thank you so much to everyone who supported us from home. All your prayers, your giving, your support were so important to us. I could sense the prayers that covered us. I thank God for each of you! I took you to Germany in my heart! May God bless you abundantly!!

Up the Mountain

Do not fear; for I am with you; be not dismayed; for I am your God. I will make you strong; yes, I will help you; yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness.  
~ Isaiah 41:10

In less than a week, I will be boarding a plane and flying to Germany on a missions trip. It will be my third time to travel by air, and my first time to travel internationally. I will be away from my guys for two weeks - which, for me, is by far the most challenging aspect of the journey. I am very excited and filled with anticipation of all the great things that God is going to do on this trip. But I am also very anxious about the unknowns that are involved. I know that I have been very quiet for the past several weeks - at least publicly. In private, however, I've been a motormouth. God and Rick get to hear everything. It's been a time apart for me. A time to deal with fear, anxiety, questions and doubts. A time of preparation. It has been time well spent.

Over the past few weeks, I have been continually reminded of a certain journey that I took with my guys back in 2007. I learned a very important lesson on that journey - a lesson that has helped to prepare me for what's ahead in the next few weeks.

Rick, Jessey, Quinten and I went on vacation in Colorado in July 2007. We stayed in Durango and drove up to Silverton for the day to rent a jeep and go four-wheeling. Now, this jeep ride was my idea in the first place. Sitting at my computer in Texas, looking at the jeep rental website, it seemed like fun. After all, four-wheeling in Texas was fun. Of course we don't have mountains around here. It really did not dawn on me what kind of roads we would be traveling until we were standing in the jeep rental place in Silverton. I asked the shop owner, "the roads aren't going to be way up in the mountains are they?" He looked at me like I was an idiot. Well, I was. I mean, duh, Carol. We were already way up in the mountains. The problem was that I was terrified of driving mountain roads. I love the mountains! They are absolutely beautiful! But the roads freak me out! I had already been white-knuckling the trip through the pass to get from Durango to Silverton. Now, I was going to get in a jeep and go further up the mountain on a dirt road. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.

So, we climbed in the jeep and headed out. Rick driving, of course, Jessey riding shotgun, and Quinten and I squeezed into the backseat (jeeps are very small). We drove out of town, enjoying the scenery and excited about the trip. At least, the guys were excited. I was growing more paranoid with each passing minute. As we began the ascent up the one lane dirt road, and I got a look at the road ahead (or should I say "above") us, I was gripped by the strongest, deepest, darkest terror I have ever felt in my life. It was completely unreasonable and unfounded, but there it was. I had a full blown panic attack with my heart pounding, chest constricted and unable to breath. I was screeching at Rick to watch the edge of the road, be careful, turn around, back up, stop and let me out! He managed to ignore me for awhile. Finally, I got loud enough and he got mad enough. As soon as he found a wide spot in the road, he pulled over. I bailed out of that jeep, fully intending to walk back to town. I was shaking all over. I kept envisioning that jeep tipping off the edge of the road and plummeting downward. I was gripped by the fear of falling and could not shake it.

The guys did not understand what was going on with me. Mom was freaking out. Rick and Jessey were furious because I was spoiling their fun. Then, I looked at Quinten's face. He was scared. My fear was transferring to him. That was enough. I walked away from the jeep and made up my mind to get hold of myself. I began to pray. After a few minutes, Rick had calmed down and he came to ask me what was going on. I told him. He prayed with me. He offered to take me back to town. But I knew I had to keep going. I went back to the jeep, apologized to the boys and explained my fear to them. I told Quinten that I knew we were safe, and that it was just an irrational fear. I told him that God would protect us.

We continued our journey up the mountain. The dirt road was narrow and rough with a straight drop off on one side for most of the trip. There was actually a lot of traffic on the road. Whenever we met a vehicle coming from the other direction, Rick would ease that jeep up the incline and make the other car pass on the outside. I loved him for that! I have to say that my husband can drive anything, anywhere, anytime. He is fearless! I would trust his driving over a professional stunt driver every time! The worst part of the journey up the pass was a particular series of switchbacks above the timberline. No trees, just straight drop down the mountain. The road switched back and forth across bare rock. As we came around one turn, we had to switchback to the left over a big rock. We were driving at an insane angle. I think Rick actually sweated a bit on that one. I just prayed. I prayed in the Holy Spirit continually all the way up to that first pass. Jessey videotaped the journey and you can hear me in the backseat praying with all my might. I became a prayer warrior that day.

When we finally reached the top of Engineer Pass, we stopped for a break. I crawled out of that jeep trembling, made my way off the side of the road and sat down on the ground. I put my face in my hands and said, "Lord, if I had known it would be like this I wouldn't have come."

I heard the Lord's reply so clearly, "Then you would have missed this. Look."

I opened my eyes and looked out over the most beautiful mountains I have ever seen. It was breathtaking! Here's the photo, but I promise you it does not do it justice.

On the other side of the road, I was met with this wonderful sight:

I cannot express the thrill of sitting on the top of a mountain and hearing the Lord's voice as clear as a bell. If I had given in to fear, I would have missed it. Instead, I let faith transport me up that mountain to victory.

We drove down from Engineer Pass and into Lake City, then went up Cinnamon Pass to return to Silverton. The rest of the trip was easy compared to that first ascent. We finished the day exhausted, but content. Our little adventure is still one of our favorite family memories.

As I prepare for my newest adventure, I find myself thinking about those mountains. And I get very excited....

Stay tuned....

Happy Thoughts

As I sat at my computer today, searching for that small sweet spot in my new bifocals that allows me to actually see words clearly, my frustration was eased by my cousin Susie's blog: A few of my favorite things. It brought a smile to my face to read about the things that delight my precious friend. Then, Susie asked me what I love and encouraged me to start my own list today. So, here I am. I want to be grumpy because I can't see well - the world is swimming with every head movement - and my new frames feel so different; but I've decided to think on lovely things instead. The loveliest are those rare or fleeting things that don't come often or remain long, but fill us with warmth, comfort or indescribable joy while they last. I'm reminded of Peter Pan and those happy thoughts that lifted him and his friends off the ground and sent them flying. I'm all out of pixie dust at the moment, but maybe a few happy thoughts will lighten my step. I hope that some are familiar to you as well. Here are my happiest thoughts:

the manifested presence of God that covers like a warm quilt
the silence of snowfall
hearing my husband sing
holding a sleeping baby
dreaming about my mom
the smell of linseed oil as I paint
late night conversations with Jessey
Quinten's zinger remarks that catch me off guard and make me laugh
puppy breath
the morning kitty parade across my desk
a new bloom in the garden
the peaceful hush that follows fervent prayer
the thrill of a thunderstorm
waking up to a slow, steady rain
falling asleep to the sound of my sons' conversation and laughter
girl talk
a hug from a child
fall leaves crunching beneath my feet
that first feeling that the holidays are near
Christmas carols
Christmas morning
a book so good that I miss it when I'm finished reading
seeing a good, suspenseful movie for the first time
new revelation on a familiar scripture
positive feedback at work
digging in the earth
sculpting with clay
homemade chocolate chip cookie dough
chocolate gravy & biscuits
the annual question, "Mom, when are you going to make Christmas cookies?"
the smell of vanilla
telling someone that God truly loves them and seeing them get it
reconnecting with an old friend
realizing that you've made a new lifetime friend
hugging someone that you have deeply missed
pressing past fear to find confidence
the sea at sunrise
the feel of waves pulling and pushing me as I venture deeper
clouds at sunset
an out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere star-filled sky
waking up to a full moon shining in my window, then falling back to sleep
the woods at night
hearing the woods wake up just before dawn
the hush of twilight
leaves dancing in the wind
holding out my arms in a strong wind and feeling that I can fly
my husband's embrace
riding a motorcycle on a country road at night
a dog's quiet company
horseback riding
standing next to my sons and looking up at them
double rainbows
kitty kisses when I'm crying
unexpected blessings
sitting on top of a mountain and hearing God's voice
fourth watch prayer
watching a fire burn down to a bed of embers
cooking Thanksgiving dinner
singing along with my favorite songs when no one can hear
the deep blue of a sapphire
watching my sons grow
glimpses of heaven

Finally, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are right, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, think on these things.  ~ Philippians 4:8