A Mouse in the Bird Feeder

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.*

 

 

As Rick went to fill our bird feeders yesterday, he found a surprise. A mouse was inside one of the feeders, eating the few little seeds left at the bottom. Of course, Rick came to get me immediately. Any wildlife sightings on our little suburban habitat are shared with excitement. He tried to get a picture of the little guy, but, as you can see, the clear plastic was clouded by age and dirt (time to clean the feeder). Thinking he was stuck inside, Rick took down the feeder carefully, planning to open it and lay it down for the critter to escape. Well, he sure fooled us. As soon as the feeder moved, he slipped through a tiny slit at the bottom, jumped down and skittered to the brush pile in a flash.

I suspect this is the same mouse that I spied a couple of months ago. While gardening in the back yard, I saw a mouse zip along our back fence and right up the wisteria vine that grows upward from the fence into the branches of a large oak tree. His speed and agility impressed me. I walked over to the tree and spotted him on one of the branches. He sat nestled on the limb, watching me with his tiny black eyes. His big round ears listened as I told him I had never seen a mouse in a tree before. We had a nice little conversation until Rick and Quinten walked outside and asked me what I was doing. Apparently, they were a little amused to find me standing in the backyard, looking upward into a tree, and talking. Personally, I think they should be used to such behavior by now. Anyway, the mouse must have been too shy for so many visitors, because he ran further up into the tree and disappeared. The guys got a glimpse of him as he went, which helped to validate my story.

Lately, I find so much joy in such small moments as these. Even as I write this, I stop to watch a squirrel eating corn from the squirrel feeder, and another raiding the freshly filled bird feeder, straining and bending like a carnival contortionist to get at the seed. Kitty Mau joins me at the computer, asking "Mhuh?" and "Mngow?" Her words for "Whatchya doin'?" and "Can I help?" She's being very verbal today. I have to pause while she nestles herself in my lap. I am grateful for the animals in my life, wild and tame, big and small. They entertain me, comfort me, amaze me and help me keep things in perspective. They are a constant reminder of God's heart. He cared enough to put a vast number of animals on the earth in all shapes, sizes, colors and species. He made sure each had provision and the ability to live in its particular climate and adapt to natural shifts in seasons and weather. What a grand design! If God can orchestrate all of that, He can certainly handle my little life.

*The first stanza from the hymn All Things Bright and Beautiful by Mrs. Cecil F. Alexander.

The Feast

There once was a great man who was troubled by the hunger that he saw all around him. He provided a lavish feast of all the finest delicacies and he invited everyone to attend the feast and partake of its marvelous bounty. There was no charge. The great man, as master of the feast, had paid the bill in full. Word began to spread. Many people came and enjoyed the feast. Others heard about the feast, but mistakenly thought they must pay for their meal. They set about working so that they could earn their place at the table. Still others heard about the meal, but felt excluded. They did not know the invitation extended to them. Many thought that the invitation was only for the elite, so their lowly status kept them from attending. The master was saddened because he had provided sufficiency for all, and many had yet to receive. He was troubled to see the bickering that took place at some tables, as his guests vied for the best foods when there was more than enough. He watched in disgust as people guarded their tables and excluded others from sitting with them, or even drove some away from their midst. His heart was most grieved by the guests who had eaten their fill, but now stood in the doorway turning away the hungry. These self-appointed guards barred entrance to the starved because they were too hungry, too different. Word soon spread outside the feasting hall that the people at the feast were terrible and cruel, and so assumed that the master of the feast was likewise terrible and cruel. However, there was a remnant of guests who understood the master’s intention. They knew that he provided the feast out of his great love for the people, so that no one would ever starve. They received the bounty with gratitude and gladly shared it with others, taking food out to those who were excluded. With kindness, they spread the word that the meal was free and all were welcome. They gladdened the master’s heart by fulfilling his purpose.

***

I tell this story to paint a picture of Christianity. I believe that when Jesus was crucified, he paid for the sins of all mankind - past, present, and future. He is the master of the feast. Grace, mercy, and forgiveness are the food. The hungry are those who were born into this fallen world, bound to sin by default. Not sin, the action, but sin, the state of being. Partaking of the master’s feast changes one’s state of being from sin to righteousness, from hungry to filled, born again into a relationship with our Creator. The most important point that I want to make is this - the table was laid and food was provided for all. The master’s wish was that all would come and be filled. There are obstacles that keep some from receiving; but forgiveness, grace and mercy are available for all. 

So, on this Easter Sunday, this day of celebrating His glorious Resurrection, I gratefully honor the Master who paid the price for all mankind to be filled. His sacrifice provided restoration to a place of right-standing with our Creator, regardless of our faults, mistakes, lifestyles or efforts. I receive forgiveness. I embrace grace. I proclaim mercy. I encourage the hungry to receive His bounty today and be filled. Know that the One who created you loves you with a great passion. He sees past your imperfections and loves you right now, for who you are. And, finally, I ask those who are filled: Are you barring the door, or are you inviting them inside?

It's Been Awhile...

A long while....

[deep cleansing sigh........]

Catching up...

The seasons shifted from Fall to Winter and now Spring is fast approaching. I have watched the seasons closely, drinking in the details of nature undergoing her metamorphoses. Fall was a delight! As summer waned, I scanned the green trees for signs of color change. Daily, I noted the subtle shifts in color. As the season progressed, subtlety gave way to drama as green gave way to yellow, gold, red and burnt orange. The yard filled with leaves as the trees emptied. Rick and I watched the squirrels search for hiding places for their treasured pecans. Most of them are buried in my garden. Winter settled in with the usual fickle Texas weather. Once again, God graced us with a white Christmas. Big fluffy flakes hurried down all day and blanketed nature in a quiet stillness. My family played in it, loved it, then warmed ourselves by the fire. Perfection! The trees have slept in watchful, still slumber with their bare-boned branches silhouetted starkly against the gunmetal skies. The squirrels have returned to recover their buried treasure. Birds have flocked the feeders and roosted in the hedges and brush pile, singing their wintry songs. Now the neighbor's elm has donned an ephemeral veil of green. The hyacinths are blooming and filling the garden with their lovely scent. Spring is hurrying to displace Winter, who is holding his ground today with a cold rain. Not since I was a child, have I so enjoyed the changing seasons and the details of nature.

My physical body has been through the wringer for the past few months. I don't wish to share the details; but after many unpleasant tests and too much waiting, I can finally say that all is well and balance is being restored. I can also say that my confidence in the medical industry has never been lower and my faith in Jesus as my healer has never been greater. Each trip to the doctor left me with questions, doubts and fear. But the Lord was my anchor. He reminded me continually to fear not and believe only. He told me the end at the very beginning. All is well. He taught me to cease from my own self-efforts and simply rest in Him, trust in Him, believe His word, surrender to Him. On the outside I have had so much anxiety, but at my very center, He is there with complete peace. I am learning to let the peace spread from the center outward. I am learning... so... much.... God is good and His mercy endures forever. His love never fails. Nothing can separate me from His love. This is truth.

How powerful it is to simply let God be true. To acknowledge that He has all the answers and is simply waiting for us to ask Him the questions. Just two nights ago, I had such a concern on my heart for a loved one. As I laid down to sleep, I asked God for help and committed the situation to Him. I awoke the next morning to the answer. Five minutes of research confirmed it. So simple. Answered prayer. It amazes me how much energy we expend on worry and doubt and fear; how hard we work to solve our own problems, like hamsters on a wheel; how many times we try to pull answers from family, friends, mentors, experts and the internet, when they obviously know no more than we. And through all of that effort on our part, God simply waits, with all the answers we need, for us to realize that we need Him. And when we come to Him in faith and simply ask, the answer comes. Maybe not immediately, maybe not the way we expect, but the answer does come. He is faithful.

Dear reader, I encourage you today to simply believe God. Commit your cares to Him and ask for His help. Cast negative thoughts and emotions aside and breathe in His goodness. Take a moment to drink in the beauty of nature and notice the changing seasons. Thank God for the beauty around you, the health that you have, your loved ones, and all His tender mercies.

Be blessed!

Starting NaNoWriMo in the Middle

A friend of Quinten's is participating in NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month (November). So when he told me about it last Thursday evening, I got excited. Sure it was already halfway through the month - literally, it was November 15 - but I decided to give it a go anyway. Hey, I'm up for a challenge!

NaNoWriMo is an annual competition held by a non-profit to encourage writers to write. The goal is to write 50,000 words of a novel in 30 days (Nov. 1-30). Anyone who reaches the goal is declared a winner. The prize - bragging rights!

I have wanted to write a novel for as long as I can remember. I have started about five, I think. So, I saw this as a wonderful discipline/learning experience. Yes, I was pretty intimidated by the fact that I'm starting at a significant handicap, having lost half the month. But even if I only reach 20,000 words, hey I will have written 20,000 words! This is a win-win situation. After reading a few forums on nanowrimo.org, I learned that lots of folks have started halfway through or even later and still won! Inspiring!

So, I am officially signed up and writing a novel. In just 48 hours, I have already written 6,222 words! The guys are being very supportive. Today I wrote while the guys hung Christmas lights. I gophered for them when they needed it, but I also wrote - a lot. Most importantly, I am having a blast!! Anyway, there will be no more blogs this month, because I will be busy writing a novel! My word count will be updated daily on the image above. Prayers and encouragement will be greatly appreciated. See you in December! In the meantime: Happy NaNoWriMo and Happy Thanksgiving!!

NaNoWriMo Journal:

11/19/12 - Amazingly, I have written 10,107 words in 3 days. I have a plot, characters and cliffhangers. I am learning the value of simply belting out a rough draft (and I do mean rough) as quickly as possible. No edits, no analyzing, no obsessing. Just record the story as it plays out in my head. Skipping chapters is okay when I don't quite have a part figured out yet. I just make a few notes of what I expect to write in that chapter, then move on with the story. I now understand what has shut me down in previous novels - you can't create and analyze at the same time. Pure creation is wonderful. It's like a locomotive, driving forward with power and momentum. Now, back to work!

11/30/12 - Nanowrimo was a great success. I passed 50,000 words with two days to spare. Most importantly, I completed the rough draft of a novel. Much editing to do... after the holidays. It was an amazing experience to allow myself to just create. I loved chasing the story and getting to know the characters. It was hard work that often left me mentally exhausted, with aching arms and shoulders from so much typing. But it was worth the effort.

On the Other Side

It is such a comfort to come from a family of faith, and to know that there is life on the other side of death. Yes, it’s still difficult and painful when a family member crosses over. But it’s good to have comfort in the knowledge of Heaven.

I think of families back in the pioneer days, when some would decide to load up a wagon and head west. I think of those family members that were left behind, not knowing what their loved ones were enduring or whether they were even still alive. They wondered if they would ever see their westward-bound family again, and so waited expectantly for news or a letter. Some of those who went west were never heard from again. The family back home would never know their fate.

When a member of my family dies, I think of them as making a journey. In some ways it’s like sending them off in a wagon train to a distant land that I have never seen, sure that I will never meet them again in this life. It’s hard to let go and the grief is overwhelming. I don’t know exactly what it will be like for them, what kind of an adventure it will be, or what their new home will look like. But, I have the comfort of knowing they will be safe beyond all pain and suffering. Even though this world will be emptier without them, even though I will miss them terribly, I find joy in the knowledge that my loved one is safely home.

Like the song says, I can only imagine what it is like on the other side. The Bible tells me enough to assure me that it is beautiful, lavish, joyful and secure. Sometimes I catch glimpses here and there – the sight of a long-gone family member who is now young and vibrant, a joyous voice that was so familiar here on earth, a glorious mist, angelic voices lifted in praise, and colors that are vivid beyond imagination. I can almost catch the excitement and anticipation that my heavenly family shares just before a loved one leaves us to join them. That great cloud of witnesses prepares to receive one home. I believe there is such grand rejoicing at their homecoming! Oh, what it must be like for the one who has just crossed over! How wonderful to finally reach that destination, to finally embrace those you have sorely missed, to meet generations of family for the first time, and to finally at long last be home! What a great and glorious joy it must be to finally meet Jesus face to face!

For those of us still on this side, as we say our goodbyes in the midst of our deep grief, let us lift our eyes and hearts in hope and perhaps catch a glimpse of the jubilant reunion taking place on the other side.

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. ~ 1 Corinthians 15:54

HDR photo at top of page by Rick Welch, copyright 2012
 

Pieces of Glass

“Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?” – John Coffey, The Green Mile 

I remember reading those words for the first time in Stephen King’s novel and weeping because I did understand. I understood exactly what John Coffey meant. I still do. I can’t watch the movie and hear those words without choking up.

And here I am, before dawn, picking pieces of glass out of my head; because last night I read through a Facebook thread that was the equivalent of a schoolyard rock fight. Sure, some people meant well. Some were just stating their opinions. Others were defending themselves.  But when you got right down to it, they were all casting stones at each other… being ugly to each other… people who say they love each other.  It makes me tired. It’s like emotional shrapnel.

I cannot count the number of times I’ve been through this drill. Pieces of glass in my head keeping me awake. It’s been a lifelong theme: the minefields of my family members’ emotions, the warzone that was school with all its drama and angst, running the gauntlet of judgment and criticism at church.

I often wondered what was wrong with me. Why did people’s emotions affect me so strongly? A counselor once told me that creative people tended to feel things more deeply than most people. It is that very sensitivity that drives inspiration, then creation. That wasn’t much of an explanation, but it was all I had for years. Then I learned about discernment. That explained a little more. I was told I was gifted – creatively, artistically, spiritually, and prophetically. These gifts enable me to absorb things that others never notice. Gifts? When I’m digging out glass, it’s more like a curse.

There is a scene in X-Men: First Class where Charles Xavier reads Erik’s mind and unlocks a forgotten memory, then both men wipe away tears. I remember watching that and wiping away my own tears because I understood the empathy that the scene conveyed. Charles felt what Erik felt; he sensed something in him that Erik was not aware of himself. This scene came in the context of Charles training the X-men to use their “gifts”. It stirred in me such a longing to learn to use my own gifts as my Creator intended me to use them. To turn them back into gifts rather than curses.

At long last, I am learning.

The Lord has been leading me on a treasure hunt and has graciously dropped handfuls of revelation purposefully in my path. A website that led to a book that led to a phrase that led to another website that led to an answer and then more books and knowledge and so on. The phrase is “highly sensitive.” The answer came when I scored 24 out of 27 on a self-test. No, there’s nothing wrong with me. Yes, I am different. I am part of the 15-20% of the population that is highly sensitive, which means that my nervous system is physically hard-wired to pick up on nuances that the majority of the population never experience. These nuances allow me to empathize deeply with people as I feel their hurts, struggles, doubts, and even their joy. Sadly, people carry around more of the former than the latter, which means pieces of glass in my head that need to be removed. But, I’m learning what part empathy plays in intercession and how praying for people is the most effective glass remover there is. I’m learning... I’m growing... and I'm yawning... and finally... sleep....

Why?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall you call upon me, and you shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And you shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13

It happens to us all at times. Our hopes and plans seem to fall apart. Disappointment crushes our dreams. Someone hurts us deeply. Or worse, we watch a loved one struggle and suffer. Someone dear to us becomes gravely ill and despite everyone’s prayers and faith, they decline. We feel helpless and unable to ease their pain. In each of these situations, we often find ourselves crying out to God, asking “Why?”

I believe it is part of human nature to question, to seek for the knowledge that is beyond our grasp. It was that very longing that the serpent manipulated to tempt Eve. And, like Eve, we get into trouble when we get the notion that we are entitled to answers. So many times, I have witnessed Christians question God. “Why didn’t that person receive a healing when we all prayed so fervently?” “Why did my loved one suffer and die?” “Why didn’t I get that job or promotion?” “Why is my child being rebellious?” “Why haven’t my prayers been answered yet?” And so many times I have seen people make up their own answers when God did not provide His. “Well, she must have sin in her life if she’s not healed.” “He must have died because he refused to forgive someone.”  “God must be mad at me.” “He must be punishing me for something.” And the most common of all, “That person just doesn’t have enough faith!” Personally, I have been guilty of all these questions and I have presumed to have all the answers.

However, the Lord, in His gracious love, continually corrects me.

A few years ago, my family took a vacation to the Gulf Coast. I loved to walk out as far as I could in the waves and simply drink in the experience of the sea. Shortly after that trip, I was having a “whiny why” spell and the Lord stopped me. He reminded me of my time at the beach and used that experience to teach me a very precious lesson. When I stood on the beach, looking out across the water, all I could see was the surface of the water. The waves continually flowed to the shore. There was so much movement, but all coming towards me. If I did not know anything about the sea or never set foot in the water, my knowledge would always be limited to what I saw with my eyes. When I walked way out into the water, though, I discovered an undercurrent that pulled the water back out to sea along the sandy bottom. Sometimes, I could feel seaweed or fish brush against my legs, but the water was not clear enough to see what was there. My knowledge of the sea was limited to my natural senses. I could speculate about what was going on beyond my senses, but I didn’t know the truth.

Every day, we live our lives like a person standing on the shore looking at a vast sea. We see the surface. But, God sees below the surface. This is why we are to walk by faith and not by sight. He sees into the hearts of us all. He knows the end from the beginning. He even sees beyond our life here on earth. Eternity is vast beyond our comprehension. Our lives here on earth are just a drop in the ocean. Our existence in these earthen vessels is unimaginably brief in the eyes of our Father. Suffering to us seems so profound, so vast and cruel and interminably long. In God’s eyes, it is but a flicker. Yet, He has such compassion for us! Still, I believe that He has a much different perspective on suffering than we do. How else could it please Him for Jesus to suffer for our sins so horribly. In the great span of eternity, Christ’s crucifixion was just for a brief instant. He endured because of the joy that was set before Him – the promise of eternity in His Father’s presence surrounded by all that would be redeemed by His sacrifice. His disciples did not understand this at the time of the crucifixion. They came to understand later, by the power of the Holy Spirit. In the meantime, I’m sure they were asking why.

As for myself, I am learning that I am not entitled to answers. My Heavenly Father is God. I am not. He does not answer to me, nor does He owe me any explanations. It annoys me greatly at times, but I’m learning to be content not knowing. God knows. I can let that be enough. There have been times that I have been terribly disappointed, hurt or frustrated that things did not go as I expected or wanted; only to hear the Lord whisper, "this is Me protecting you from something worse." Every time, circumstances have proven that I was better off not getting my way. I have endured some extremely painful trials, just to see God turn it all to my good. I am going through some now that I am absolutely puzzled by, but I trust God in the midst of them. I still get the “whiny whys”, yet I am learning to get up from them and say, “Lord, you are in control. I trust you.” I have come to know the character of God well enough to trust that His motives are pure and loving. His plans are always good. Yes, we do live in a fallen world where dark, evil things happen all around us every day. But, we can be comforted knowing that Jesus overcame the world.

I have some dear friends that are going through some trials right now. In my spirit, I hear their unspoken whys. Be comforted today in knowing that our Father is in control. As you stand watching the waves grow higher, know that He is working beneath the waves. He hears every prayer. He catches every tear. You may not understand, but know that He does. His ways are higher than our ways. His mercies are new every morning. His love envelopes you and all those dear to you. Know that an eternity is established ahead of us in which all suffering will cease. Have faith in our loving Father. Trust Him with all your heart and release your own understanding like releasing a balloon. Know that He is directing your path and the paths of your loved ones. Above all else, trust God.

Wonderful Father, I ask that You comfort hurting hearts today. Help my dear friends who are struggling through trials to trust Your divine wisdom. Help them to sense Your loving presence as You surround them with peace. May they be rooted and grounded in Your eternal love, knowing that your plans for them and their loved ones are good. Gift them with great faith, please Lord, so that they may always, in all circumstances, trust You. Amen.