A Christmas Celebration!

Christmas - that single word brings forth so many memories, images, and associations for me. When I hear the word, I immediately see glittering lights and tinsel, hear the sound of bells and carols, smell the fragrance of evergreen and cinnamon, taste freshly-baked cookies and feel the warmth of a fire on a cold, wintry day. To me, the word Christmas is one of the richest, fullest words in the English language. At the very center of it, is its truest meaning - Christ's mass, the celebration of Christ.

In the past month, I have heard and read many opinions of Christmas - what people think of the holiday, how they celebrate it and what it really means to them. Now, it's my turn. I offer this not as a condemnation or a judgement of anyone's beliefs, but simply as an expression of my own. Let me preface it by saying that I am fully aware of the history of Christmas - the winter solstice, the pagan traditions and the fact that Jesus was not actually born on December 25. To these I offer a resounding "I don't care!" Christmas will forever reside in my heart as the day I celebrate the birth of Christ, and all that His birth represents. I celebrate it with lights, a decorated tree, excessive amounts of food (particularly cookies) and gifts for my closest and dearest.

Some of my earliest memories are of Christmas. I absolutely loved Christmas and awaited it every year with passionate, torturous anticipation. As soon as Autumn arrived, the countdown would begin. Halloween was the first milestone. I loved to dress up, watch scary movies and eat massive amounts of candy. Once past that treat-filled day was the month long journey to Thanksgiving with all the attention to pilgrims and turkeys. I could not wait to eat turkey and dressing and chocolate pie. Thanksgiving was a day of family, feasting and giving thanks. But it was also the transition day. I would watch the Macy's parade and await the arrival of Santa Claus. Once he made his appearance, the whole world changed.

With the close of Thanksgiving came the arrival of Christmas. Stores were filled with decorations, toys and Christmas music. The Christmas catalog would arrive and bring with it the promise of brightly colored packages and Christmas morning surprises. The search for the perfect tree began. Decorations came out of closets and cabinets and transformed my parents' home into a wonderland. Lights went on the roof. Secrets were whispered, and closets were deemed off-limits. School days were filled with coloring pictures of Santa and making popsicle stick ornaments. Once discovered, the perfect tree went up in the living room and was covered with lights, garland, tinsel and the most wonderful variety of ornaments in existence. Each ornament got my full attention and was studied down to the smallest detail. I remember spending hours on end just looking at the tree and absorbing all its wonder.

The greatest wonder of all was nestled beneath the tree every year. When I was old enough, I was allowed to set it up myself. It was my favorite of all the decorations. I treated it with the greatest respect and reverence. For me, it summed up Christmas. It was the nativity set. There was a wooden stable with actual hay glued to the roof and floor. It had a hole in the back to insert a Christmas light. It was of the utmost importance to me to be sure we hung one light low enough for the stable. There was an angel affixed to the top of the stable, heralding the miraculous scene below. The figures were beautifully painted, their faces and hands expressive of the wonder of the historical moment they represented. Three wisemen, shepherds, sheep, Mary and Joseph. And at the very center was the baby Jesus, laying in the manger, fresh from heaven. So much of my time was spent in front of that nativity, laying in the floor and imagining that momentous night. I would use the little figures to act out the scene over and over. I would look at that little baby and be amazed that He would grow up to heal the sick, raise the dead and give up His life on the cross, so that I might have eternal life. I understood the miracle of His birth. It filled my heart with wonder, awe and gratitude.

For me, Christ is, always has been, and always will be the center of Christmas. His birth was a miracle, not only that He was born of a virgin, but that love, grace and truth had entered the world in the flesh. His birth was so important that a multitude of angels pierced the veil to appear in this world, filling the sky with rejoicing! Heaven knew the magnitude of His birth! The angels endeavored to make it known to the shepherds. The wise men understood that greatness had entered the earth. The world was forever changed the day Jesus was born. His life began with a miracle, and ended with one too. Like bookends, His birth and resurrection stand at each end of His life, miracles, wonders, and reminders of the greatest gift ever given to mankind.

I don't worry about whether my traditions for celebrating Christmas are "correct" or not. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter is that I celebrate! I share this day with my loved ones. I celebrate the miracle. So what if pagans celebrated the winter solstice or evergreens had some other meaning. I've never worried about Santa becoming more important than Jesus. As a child, I thought Santa worked for Jesus! On my tree, there are ornaments of crosses and nativities hanging right next to Bugs Bunny, a Corvette and a Storm Trooper. Some people may be offended by that. If so, don't come to my house. Here, we celebrate God's gift. We celebrate our lives, our family, our freedom in Christ. We feast, we laugh, we bless each other with gifts, we light our house for the whole neighborhood to see, and we love one another. Today, we celebrate that light, love, grace and truth came into this world with Jesus Christ. What better way to celebrate than with love in hearts and love in our home.

Merry Christmas to all and may God Bless you richly!

Calling Forth the Light

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. 
~ 2 Corinthians 4:6

It takes the same effort to call forth light as it does to rebuke darkness. Which did God do in the beginning? He didn't have to rebuke the darkness. He simply called forth light. The light dispelled the darkness.

Lately, I've had my ears perked and I've been listening. I've been hearing a lot of rebuking of negative things. But I've not heard as much calling forth of the things of God. Maybe we should be asking ourselves, "where is my focus?" We speak what is in our heart. If our heart is overwhelmed with the negative that we see in others and around ourselves, then those things become our focus. We may become obsessed with ridding our lives of these negative things. So, we rebuke this and that and every thing that seems to be hindering us or our loved ones. How's that been working out for you? Maybe it's time to shift focus.

Of course, as Christians, we have been given authority to overcome darkness and the Lord expects us to exercise that authority. But that does not always involve rebuking the negative. We can take authority over a situation by calling forth God's results. In the beginning, God took authority over darkness by calling forth light. He called that which was not, as though it were. He spoke the end from the beginning. That's what He does. Shouldn't we do likewise?

Sure, there are times that we must speak directly to dark forces and rebuke them. Jesus ordered Satan to get behind Him, when Peter spoke forth temptation. Jesus discerned the spirit that was operating through Peter and dealt directly with the spirit. We must use discernment, as Jesus did, to know what is needed in each situation.

In most situations, Jesus, like His Father, called forth the desired result. Notice that Jesus did not rebuke death when He raised Lazarus. He simply called him forth. Jesus' focus was on His Father, not on death. Why would we want to focus on the stupid devil and his activities when we can focus on our Father and the heavenly treasures that He has made available to us?

When our focus is truly on our Father, on our Lord Jesus and on the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us, our words will reflect that focus. We will seek the good things of God and call them forth, rather than jumping at every shadow.

I've been putting the principle of calling forth into practice this week. The results are amazing. My spirit gets so stirred up! Here's a sample of what I've been saying. Give it a try by speaking it out loud.

I call forth the Love of God, shed abroad in my heart, drawing me closer to Him and changing my outlook towards others. I receive His Love now. I am filled to overflowing with it and I give it out freely.

I call forth the Peace of Jesus, given to me by Him before His crucifixion. I put on that Peace like a warm coat that envelopes me with comfort and security. I bask in His Peace.

I call forth the Joy of the Lord, which is my strength. His Joy rings out in my life like a bell. It rises up from within me like effervescent bubbles, filling me with His laughter.

I call forth the Power of the Holy Spirit, against which nothing can stand. That Resurrection Power is alive in me and working through me now and always. I embrace it and move forth in its flow.

I call forth the Wisdom of the Ancient of Days, which is freely given to me at my request. I receive it daily as a fresh download from heaven. His Wisdom orders my steps and directs my path.

I call forth the Healing that was purchased for me by Jesus' stripes. I walk in divine health all the days of my life. I am a child of the Most High God and Healing is my bread. I partake of it and receive it into my flesh.

I call forth the Prosperity of El Shaddai and declare that nothing is missing or broken in my life or my household. I have all sufficiency in all things to abound to every good work.

I call forth Faith... mountain-moving, water-walking, healing-the-blind, raising-the-dead, calling-things-that-be-not-as-though-they-were FAITH!! Let it guide me and keep me in every area of my life, that I may be pleasing to you, Lord.


So, friends, are you stirred up? I know I am. Oh... was there something we needed to rebuke?
I can't seem to remember now....

Germany - God's People

It is an amazing thing to see God move in the midst of His people and to see them hungrily grab hold of His movement and be filled. I just spent two weeks in Germany witnessing outpourings of God’s Spirit into two wonderful churches. In both places, they already knew God and had such close relationship with Him, but they were hungry for more. They reached out to Him in faith and received in great measure. 

Last night, I was asked what my favorite part of the trip was. My answer was “the people.” They are so wonderful. They welcomed us into their homes, their church, and their hearts. They will be in my heart always. Their names and faces now inhabit my prayers. I was so moved by their eagerness to learn and their hunger for more of God. Friday night at the Hamburg church, Pastor Linda called for everyone who wanted more of God to come forward. The entire church surged to the front of the sanctuary, crowded around the altar, lifted their hands and praised God. Worship flowed in the prophetic realm with new songs and uplifted hearts. The sound of heaven came forth in the music. The people stayed at the altar for most of the service and were hesitant to go back to their seats. God met His people and touched their lives.

At the last service in the Berlin church, people came forward for healing prayer and received God’s touch. Then they came forward again to receive an impartation of the prophetic gift. They were so hungry. And God filled them. There, too, prophetic worship flowed and new songs came forth. Our hearts were turned completely to God. We basked in His embrace of love. Lives were changed. People were set free from bondages. Love filled the sanctuary.

These are the two services that stand foremost in my memories, but there was so much more. In both churches, we saw the praise & worship rise to new levels. The musicians broke out of traditions and mindsets and truly broke through into worshipping God in Spirit and in truth. The congregations followed and embraced the freedom. Prophetic words went forth in every service that set the captives free and propelled people into God’s destiny.

There is simply too much to write. It was an experience that is difficult to put into words. But, I would like to share with you a few “snapshots” that stand out in my memory; people and moments that touched my heart and glorified God.

An 80+ year old man beamed like the sun itself when he received a prophetic word about God’s love for him. You could see strength rise in his heart and in his body. His head and shoulders lifted high as he displayed the honor of God.

A teenage boy went forth with the evangelism team and boldly declared Jesus to everyone that would hear. He prayed for a teenage couple, led them to the Lord, and then discerned that the team needed to pray for the couples’ protection as they began their walk with Christ.

A beautiful woman received the word of God that she would speak forth His words, proclaim His glory and break through gender barriers in ministry. Later, she stepped up and preached with a power that amazed her church family.

A worship leader fearlessly took a leap of faith and led his team to a greater level of praise and worship than they had ever experienced. He poured his heart out to God in worship and his team eagerly followed. I will never forget the faces of each team member – joy, rapture, love, reverence and awe.

The love of God shined forth in the face of a 92 year old woman as I prayed for her. I sensed such a great faith and great wisdom in her that I was in awe. She simply smiled at me and I melted.

A great bear of a man received a prophetic word from God with such humility and eagerness. He literally hung on every word with tears in his eyes. He was transformed before our eyes.

A beautiful woman sang out from the congregation with the voice of an angel, transporting us all into the throne room. She was the founding pastor’s wife and she was love personified. Her hugs and words of encouragement got me through that last day of ministry.

In both cities, there were interpreters translating every word our team preached and taught, then translated to us what was preached and taught and sang in German. They worked faithfully every day we were in their cities. They poured themselves out for us and for the Lord. I will never forget their kindness, patience and selfless service.

Volunteers took our team sightseeing, shopping and drove us back and forth every day. They fed us wonderfully. They provided us with schedules, information and met every need we had. They made the experience very easy and enjoyable for us. I will be forever grateful.

The church leaders embraced us with great compassion and were eager to receive what God brought forth in us and were eager to pour into us in return. I was so moved by all these mighty men and women of God.

Mostly, for me personally, I will always remember the wonderful family in Berlin who took my friend Debra and I into their home and made us welcome. They took us on special trips through Berlin, talked with us about God, Germany and America. They fed us generously with the most delicious food. Their son asked many questions about America and told us much about Germany; gave me a personal tour through the restaurant buffet line; and reminded me so much of my own sons that my heart was comforted. This family is truly an example of God’s love, acceptance and generosity. They are in my heart. They are my German family.

I am so proud of the team from my church. We all grew closer. We were all stretched in our faith. We were all changed and touched by the wonderful people we met. It was an honor to serve with this powerful team.

Thank you so much to everyone who supported us from home. All your prayers, your giving, your support were so important to us. I could sense the prayers that covered us. I thank God for each of you! I took you to Germany in my heart! May God bless you abundantly!!

Up the Mountain

Do not fear; for I am with you; be not dismayed; for I am your God. I will make you strong; yes, I will help you; yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness.  
~ Isaiah 41:10

In less than a week, I will be boarding a plane and flying to Germany on a missions trip. It will be my third time to travel by air, and my first time to travel internationally. I will be away from my guys for two weeks - which, for me, is by far the most challenging aspect of the journey. I am very excited and filled with anticipation of all the great things that God is going to do on this trip. But I am also very anxious about the unknowns that are involved. I know that I have been very quiet for the past several weeks - at least publicly. In private, however, I've been a motormouth. God and Rick get to hear everything. It's been a time apart for me. A time to deal with fear, anxiety, questions and doubts. A time of preparation. It has been time well spent.

Over the past few weeks, I have been continually reminded of a certain journey that I took with my guys back in 2007. I learned a very important lesson on that journey - a lesson that has helped to prepare me for what's ahead in the next few weeks.

Rick, Jessey, Quinten and I went on vacation in Colorado in July 2007. We stayed in Durango and drove up to Silverton for the day to rent a jeep and go four-wheeling. Now, this jeep ride was my idea in the first place. Sitting at my computer in Texas, looking at the jeep rental website, it seemed like fun. After all, four-wheeling in Texas was fun. Of course we don't have mountains around here. It really did not dawn on me what kind of roads we would be traveling until we were standing in the jeep rental place in Silverton. I asked the shop owner, "the roads aren't going to be way up in the mountains are they?" He looked at me like I was an idiot. Well, I was. I mean, duh, Carol. We were already way up in the mountains. The problem was that I was terrified of driving mountain roads. I love the mountains! They are absolutely beautiful! But the roads freak me out! I had already been white-knuckling the trip through the pass to get from Durango to Silverton. Now, I was going to get in a jeep and go further up the mountain on a dirt road. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.

So, we climbed in the jeep and headed out. Rick driving, of course, Jessey riding shotgun, and Quinten and I squeezed into the backseat (jeeps are very small). We drove out of town, enjoying the scenery and excited about the trip. At least, the guys were excited. I was growing more paranoid with each passing minute. As we began the ascent up the one lane dirt road, and I got a look at the road ahead (or should I say "above") us, I was gripped by the strongest, deepest, darkest terror I have ever felt in my life. It was completely unreasonable and unfounded, but there it was. I had a full blown panic attack with my heart pounding, chest constricted and unable to breath. I was screeching at Rick to watch the edge of the road, be careful, turn around, back up, stop and let me out! He managed to ignore me for awhile. Finally, I got loud enough and he got mad enough. As soon as he found a wide spot in the road, he pulled over. I bailed out of that jeep, fully intending to walk back to town. I was shaking all over. I kept envisioning that jeep tipping off the edge of the road and plummeting downward. I was gripped by the fear of falling and could not shake it.

The guys did not understand what was going on with me. Mom was freaking out. Rick and Jessey were furious because I was spoiling their fun. Then, I looked at Quinten's face. He was scared. My fear was transferring to him. That was enough. I walked away from the jeep and made up my mind to get hold of myself. I began to pray. After a few minutes, Rick had calmed down and he came to ask me what was going on. I told him. He prayed with me. He offered to take me back to town. But I knew I had to keep going. I went back to the jeep, apologized to the boys and explained my fear to them. I told Quinten that I knew we were safe, and that it was just an irrational fear. I told him that God would protect us.

We continued our journey up the mountain. The dirt road was narrow and rough with a straight drop off on one side for most of the trip. There was actually a lot of traffic on the road. Whenever we met a vehicle coming from the other direction, Rick would ease that jeep up the incline and make the other car pass on the outside. I loved him for that! I have to say that my husband can drive anything, anywhere, anytime. He is fearless! I would trust his driving over a professional stunt driver every time! The worst part of the journey up the pass was a particular series of switchbacks above the timberline. No trees, just straight drop down the mountain. The road switched back and forth across bare rock. As we came around one turn, we had to switchback to the left over a big rock. We were driving at an insane angle. I think Rick actually sweated a bit on that one. I just prayed. I prayed in the Holy Spirit continually all the way up to that first pass. Jessey videotaped the journey and you can hear me in the backseat praying with all my might. I became a prayer warrior that day.

When we finally reached the top of Engineer Pass, we stopped for a break. I crawled out of that jeep trembling, made my way off the side of the road and sat down on the ground. I put my face in my hands and said, "Lord, if I had known it would be like this I wouldn't have come."

I heard the Lord's reply so clearly, "Then you would have missed this. Look."

I opened my eyes and looked out over the most beautiful mountains I have ever seen. It was breathtaking! Here's the photo, but I promise you it does not do it justice.

On the other side of the road, I was met with this wonderful sight:

I cannot express the thrill of sitting on the top of a mountain and hearing the Lord's voice as clear as a bell. If I had given in to fear, I would have missed it. Instead, I let faith transport me up that mountain to victory.

We drove down from Engineer Pass and into Lake City, then went up Cinnamon Pass to return to Silverton. The rest of the trip was easy compared to that first ascent. We finished the day exhausted, but content. Our little adventure is still one of our favorite family memories.

As I prepare for my newest adventure, I find myself thinking about those mountains. And I get very excited....

Stay tuned....

Happy Thoughts

As I sat at my computer today, searching for that small sweet spot in my new bifocals that allows me to actually see words clearly, my frustration was eased by my cousin Susie's blog: A few of my favorite things. It brought a smile to my face to read about the things that delight my precious friend. Then, Susie asked me what I love and encouraged me to start my own list today. So, here I am. I want to be grumpy because I can't see well - the world is swimming with every head movement - and my new frames feel so different; but I've decided to think on lovely things instead. The loveliest are those rare or fleeting things that don't come often or remain long, but fill us with warmth, comfort or indescribable joy while they last. I'm reminded of Peter Pan and those happy thoughts that lifted him and his friends off the ground and sent them flying. I'm all out of pixie dust at the moment, but maybe a few happy thoughts will lighten my step. I hope that some are familiar to you as well. Here are my happiest thoughts:

the manifested presence of God that covers like a warm quilt
the silence of snowfall
hearing my husband sing
holding a sleeping baby
dreaming about my mom
the smell of linseed oil as I paint
late night conversations with Jessey
Quinten's zinger remarks that catch me off guard and make me laugh
puppy breath
the morning kitty parade across my desk
a new bloom in the garden
the peaceful hush that follows fervent prayer
the thrill of a thunderstorm
waking up to a slow, steady rain
falling asleep to the sound of my sons' conversation and laughter
girl talk
a hug from a child
fall leaves crunching beneath my feet
that first feeling that the holidays are near
Christmas carols
Christmas morning
a book so good that I miss it when I'm finished reading
seeing a good, suspenseful movie for the first time
new revelation on a familiar scripture
positive feedback at work
digging in the earth
sculpting with clay
homemade chocolate chip cookie dough
chocolate gravy & biscuits
the annual question, "Mom, when are you going to make Christmas cookies?"
the smell of vanilla
telling someone that God truly loves them and seeing them get it
reconnecting with an old friend
realizing that you've made a new lifetime friend
hugging someone that you have deeply missed
pressing past fear to find confidence
the sea at sunrise
the feel of waves pulling and pushing me as I venture deeper
clouds at sunset
an out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere star-filled sky
waking up to a full moon shining in my window, then falling back to sleep
the woods at night
hearing the woods wake up just before dawn
the hush of twilight
leaves dancing in the wind
holding out my arms in a strong wind and feeling that I can fly
my husband's embrace
riding a motorcycle on a country road at night
a dog's quiet company
horseback riding
standing next to my sons and looking up at them
double rainbows
kitty kisses when I'm crying
unexpected blessings
sitting on top of a mountain and hearing God's voice
fourth watch prayer
watching a fire burn down to a bed of embers
cooking Thanksgiving dinner
singing along with my favorite songs when no one can hear
the deep blue of a sapphire
watching my sons grow
glimpses of heaven

Finally, my brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are right, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, think on these things.  ~ Philippians 4:8

Random Musings on a July Afternoon

So, I took a month off from the blog. I was getting in a box with it and I didn't want to be in a box. I felt like everything was getting too corrective. Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that. Honestly, I haven't read my blog in a month, so I don't know if I was actually writing that way or just leaning toward writing that way. In either case, I didn't want to write that way. I'm so tired of correction and judgement and the whole "you're doing it wrong" attitude that seems to be pervading the atmosphere. If God had wanted us to run around judging each other, then why would He have sent Jesus to take the judgement for us? Don't get me wrong - correction is a wonderful thing when it is done properly and in season. Otherwise it's just irritating.

Which brings me to... what do I want to write... or rather how do I want to write? I don't know. But flowing is a wonderful thing. Flowing can take you places that you didn't expect to go and reveal some wonderful surprises.

I know one thing that I want to write about... how much God loves us! Oh, that again, you say? Well if you're reading my blog then get used to it. I have an entry in my blog notes that says, "write about His love, over and over again. Now write about Love more. Then do it some more." I think it's that important. When I close my eyes and reach out for my Father's love, it is right there with all the refreshment of cold water on a hot day (BTW - it's a 100 degrees out today, so I'm talking major refreshment). In church today, Pastor talked about the power of our imagination and how God would give us mind-movies to clarify our vision and intensify our faith. I remember one mind-movie that the Lord gave me a few years back, during a very difficult season of my life. I saw myself on a large rock outcropping in the midst of a vast sea of sand. I knew that in that sand, I would sink and struggle and everything would always be shifting. But, on that rock, I was steadfast. I could stand on that rock and know that I would not be moved. When I was tired, I could sit upon the rock and lean back on part of the rock ledge. I could rest on that rock with full confidence that I would not sink or shift. Nothing could move that rock. That's what God's love is to me - an invincible, immovable rock upon which I can rest, stand and live with absolute certainty that it will abide unchangeable beneath my feet. His love is my foundation for being. Throughout that difficult season, I could simply stop, close my eyes and experience the rock. I could feel the stability of that rock beneath me. It gave me priceless comfort. It still does. Do you know that He loves you? Well, He does.

Selah - pause and think about it.

I am excited that I get to celebrate something extra special tomorrow. Rick and I have our 24th wedding anniversary tomorrow. WOW! How awesome is that?! The high school sweethearts that no one thought should be together - married for 24 years! We met when he was 17 and I was 15. We were such kids! Rick and I say that we grew up together. I am so grateful for that. We are best friends and I am grateful for that too.

All the movement outside my window caught my eye, so I just paused in writing to watch all the activity at our bird feeders. The blue jays and sparrows are out in full force (we feed the birds that no one else wants to feed, and the squirrels too). There's also a pair of cardinals. While I was watching, a bird flew up and sat on the garden fence just outside my window. He sang to me. It sounded like he was singing, "Have no fear! Have no fear!" He sang a few verses, then he flew away. What a treat! Nommy the cat, who is perched on the back of my chair, was quite intrigued but remained perched.

How cool is that! I let my writing flow, not expecting to write about birds and I got a surprise!

Enough for today, I guess. It's good to be out of the box. It's good to smile and enjoy the rock. It's good to look forward to a date with my sweetheart tomorrow. It's good to write what is in my heart. Thank you for reading. God loves you!!

Abiding In Christ

And I do not pray for these alone, but for those also who shall believe on Me through their word, that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You, that they also may be one in Us, so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. And I have given them the glory which You have given Me, that they may be one, even as We are one, I in them, and You in Me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that You have sent Me and have loved them as You have loved Me. ~  John 17:20-23

So that if any one is in Christ, that one is a new creature; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

But God, who is rich in mercy, for His great love with which He loved us (even when we were dead in sins) has made us alive together with Christ (by grace you are saved), and has raised us up together and made us sit together in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in them. ~ Ephesians 2:4-10

Did you know that when Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross and rose from the dead, He established a covenant between Himself and our Heavenly Father? That is the New Covenant, the New Testament. It is a covenant between Jesus and our Father that is eternally established. No person can break it, change it or mess it up. The devil can't touch it. Once that covenant was established, all of mankind was invited to take part in it. When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we enter into that very covenant and a miracle takes place. Our spirit is reborn. Our spirit, which was dead in sin, is made alive unto righteousness. We are unified with Christ. We are in Christ and He is in us. We become Citizens of Heaven.

Some years ago, I taught a bible study in a women's prison about "Walking in the spirit". I talked about the importance of knowing who we are in Christ, knowing that our identity is forever settled in Him. We are a new creature in Christ. I compared walking in the spirit to a fish in the water - that fish is in its element and can swim, move, breath and live fully as it was designed to. When it is in the water, the fish can act like a fish. However, a fish out of water ceases to act like a fish - it can't swim, can't breathe and just flops around uselessly, struggling to get back in the water. A fish out of water is like a Christian walking in the flesh. The fish is still a fish. It doesn't stop being a fish when it is out of water, it just stops acting like one. I believe the same is true for Christians. We don't stop being Citizens of Heaven when we give in to our flesh, we just stop acting like it. Which brings me to my point:

Being a Christian is not based in what we do, but in who we are.

Yes, we become a Christian by action - we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths. Believing and confessing are actions. Those two actions bring us to a place of being. We become something new. Our spirit, our truest inner being, is reborn and made righteous. Our spirit is made alive and is no longer subject to sin. However, we are a three-part being - spirit, soul (mind, will and emotions) and body. Our spirit may be reborn, but our soul and body are not. Our body seeks comfort and ease, so it pulls on our thoughts and our will. Our soul, our will, is the decision maker of our lives. Our soul will decide either to walk (act) according to our spirit (which is in Christ) or to walk (act) according to our body, our flesh. Those actions do not change the reborn status of our spirit. They do not change who we are in Christ, unless those actions lead us to the point of renouncing Christ.

In my opinion, one of the biggest mistakes made by Christians (myself included) is to give too much place, attention, and power to our actions - to the fruit of our souls. Yes, we need to be mindful of our actions, to an extent. The Bible tells us to be doers of the Word and not just hearers only. But, if we become so focused on what we are doing, or not doing, that we lose sight of who we are in Christ, then we have missed the mark. We must guard our focus. I can sit down in the church sanctuary and focus on worshiping the Lord or I can let my focus drift off to my job or my kids or the bills or the bank account. My mind can be totally absorbed with all of those things, but that does not mean I have left the sanctuary. Most of the time, my mind will return to where I am. My focus will shift back to where I am truly seated. Granted, if I think about all those distractions long enough, I might just jump up, drive home and try to deal with it all. That is exactly what the enemy is after - to deceive us into shifting our focus from where we are to where we are not, from who we are to who we are not. Dangerous stuff, this. If that crafty enemy can get us focused on the pit, focused on doubt and unbelief, focused on our mistakes, he can get us to move in a wrong direction. But, if we keep our focus on who we are in Christ, on our Heavenly Citizenship, we will not be moved and our actions will line up with our focus!

It is the very nature of who we are in Christ that should direct our actions. Not vice versa. Faith declares that I am seated in Heavenly places with Christ Jesus and no one can snatch me out of my Father's hand. Not even my own actions!! Faith declares that my actions must line up to who I am in Him. "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God has before ordained that we should walk in them." Therein lies the key - we are created in Christ Jesus unto good works. Who we are leads us unto what we do.

For myself I will say that if my salvation, my justification, my obedience to His Word and my destiny are dependent solely upon my own actions, decisions and choices beyond that one which forever placed me in Christ; then I am utterly hopeless.  HOWEVER - I rejoice that this is not the case!! In Christ, I am saved! In Christ, I am justified and made righteous! In Christ, I can do all things! In Christ, my soul is renewed by the washing of the water of the Word! In Christ, I am a doer of the Word! In Christ, I am accepted in the beloved! In Christ, I have an inheritance! In Christ, I fulfill my calling! In Christ, I abide FOREVER!!!!!!

For to them God would make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the nations, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory... ~ Colossians 1:27

Hearing God

And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day...
~ Genesis 3:8

And He said, Go forth and stand on the mountain before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains, and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord. But the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire was a still, small voice. ~ 1 Kings 19:11-12

And the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend....
~ Exodus 33:11

Truly, truly, I say to you, He who does not enter into the sheepfold by the door, but going up by another way, that one is a thief and a robber. But he who enters in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. The doorkeeper opens to him, and the sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he puts forth his own sheep, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him. For they know his voice. And they will not follow a stranger, but will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers. ~ John 10:1-5

As a child, I conversed with Jesus. I have snippets of memories of those conversations. I did not hear Him with my natural ears, but in my heart. It made perfect sense to me, since I had been told that Jesus lived in my heart. I heard Him with the faith of a child and did not question, until the notions of a doubting world began to creep into my thinking. "Only crazy people hear God." "Who do you think you are, that God would speak to you?" "After all, they burned Joan of Arc for thinking she heard God." I have no distinct memories of being told these things, but the ideas got in and took hold. I stopped listening. I began to think of prayer as a one-sided conversation. I prayed, God listened. Yet, in the depths of my heart, He still spoke. I was just too afraid to hear. I was afraid to be "different" or "crazy". I was afraid of being deceived. So, I went through life wearing spiritual ear plugs.

Ten years ago, I found myself in a new church and surrounded by people who spoke very casually about "hearing God." I cannot express the joy that rose in my heart to hear such conversations. I so desperately wanted to hear the Lord again. But I was still so bound in fear. And I had so many questions. Could I really hear God? Was it OK to hear God? How would I know it was really Him? Was I crazy? Gradually, I found the answers to my questions in the Bible, in the scriptures above and so many more. I learned that the Lord loves to speak to us. He created us for relationship, for fellowship. Conversing is part of that.

Our ability to hear the Lord is bound to our relationship with Him. The more you know God (not just know about Him), the deeper your relationship grows and the clearer His voice becomes. This is best accomplished through His Word. Reading the Bible not only teaches us about God, but it draws us into a living, growing fellowship with Him. The Word is alive. Jesus is the Word made flesh. When we commune with the Word, we commune with God. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. One of the ways that I retrained my heart to hear God was by reading the Word with Him. I would read scripture and ask the Lord questions. Understanding would always come. That is His voice. Sometimes I would hear through words spoken to my heart, but other times I would just know. It's an amazing thing to suddenly have understanding of something that you did not possess a second earlier. That is God.

So, how do you know that it really is God? First of all, He will never contradict His written Word. That's how we know that God will never tell someone to kill their child or commit adultery or to spread gossip. Because those are all behaviors that He condemns in His Word. Also, God will never tell you anything that goes against His character and nature. God is love (1 John 4:8). He will not speak outside of love. But, remember that God is bound by His definition of love, not ours. We don't always like the corrective nature of love, but it is so necessary to our well-being. Seek love and you will hear God's voice.

When I sincerely began to seek God's voice, I was terrified of being deceived and going off on some wild goose doctrine and completely messing up my life. That fear got in my way. Fear opposes faith and we must have faith to hear God. Reading scripture built faith in me that I could hear and I would hear correctly. It also built faith in God's ability to correct me if I went wrong. There have been several occasions that I made wrong decisions based on what I thought was God's voice. But in every one of those situations, I saw God's hand of protection. That doesn't mean there wasn't pain or discomfort or regret; but God turned every one of those situations to my good, just as He promises in Romans 8:28. Those mistakes also helped me to distinguish the Lord's voice more clearly. We tend to learn more from our mistakes than our successes.

In my own experience, my greatest difficulty to hear God's voice is when my own will or motives get in the way. If I am double-minded about a decision, it's difficult to hear. If my will is strongly set on something to be a certain way, it's difficult to hear. If my motives are selfish and impure, it's impossible to hear. Surrender is the only way. I am learning to surrender my will and my motives. To want God's will more deeply than anything else. When I can get to that place (usually after long struggles and many tears), His voice comes so clearly. And when I'm struggling, I ask for His help. I ask Him to make His voice clear to me. And He does.

One of my favorite things about the Lord is how He speaks to people so personally. He speaks to me so much through His Word, but also through nature, painting, movies, parenting and writing - the very things that I enjoy and understand. He speaks to Rick through mechanics. He speaks to others I know through computers, video games, music, poetry, cooking, and so many other ways. He cares about our lives and wants to connect with us in personal ways to which we can relate.

In the Old Testament, God was only able to speak through His prophets, a very select few. But, since Jesus, every believer has the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit to connect us with our Father. Every one of us has the ability to hear and know His voice. Our covenant is so much greater than that of the prophets of old. It is our Lord's delight to converse with us, teach us, give us wisdom and guidance and comfort. He loves us. He wants to speak with us. I have such a reverential awe of the Lord, that I marvel at His desire to speak to me. I never want to lose that or to take His voice for granted. I am eternally grateful for His desire to have a relationship with me.

I once heard comedienne Lily Tomlin say, "Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?" I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair. It hit home. I guess I have finally reached the point in my life that if I must choose between hearing my Lord's voice or being thought of as sane, I will choose to hear Him. Call me crazy if you want, but I hear the Lord laughing and saying, "Oh Carol, it's about time."

A Holy Restraining Order

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. ~ Revelation 12:11 

Blood is a powerful thing. It is the vehicle of life. Blood carries nutrients and oxygen to every cell of our bodies, distributing life through its flow. When the blood stops, life stops. Only blood can hold back death.

When God created man, He covered him with His glory and filled man's veins with physical lifeblood. Adam and Eve dwelt in a Garden that was filled with life. There was no death, no sin, no corruption. Their disobedience to God changed all that and opened the door to death. God's glory left them and they stood naked and spiritually dead. They tried to cover their sin with leaves, but only God knew how to properly hold back death. He sacrificed animals and covered Adam and Eve with the skins. That was the first time blood was shed on man's behalf. God did it with His own hands.

When Cain slew his brother Abel, God said that the voice of Abel's blood cried out. Blood has a voice. It speaks out against death.

When the plague of death to all firstborns was pronounced upon Egypt, God instructed Moses to sacrifice a lamb and place the blood on the door posts of his house. The blood held back the spirit of death and caused it to pass over without entering. Every home in Egypt that had lamb's blood over the door was spared from death.

When God established the Law through Moses for the nation of Israel, he instructed them to sacrifice animals so that the blood would hold back the effects of sin, namely death. Animal blood was not powerful enough to eradicate sin, but it covered for a time.

Through all of this, God was preparing the way for a better sacrifice. When the time was right, God sent His own Son into the world for the purpose of shedding His own blood, so that death could be defeated. Jesus was born to bleed for us, born to die for us. He understood all of this full well and went willingly to the slaughter. He shed His blood as a sacrificial lamb. When we accept that sacrifice it is as though we are placing His blood on the doorposts of our own life, so that death may not enter. We are restored to spiritual life with our Heavenly Father. We are given everlasting life in His courts. Our physical bodies are quickened and have the potential for supernatural health, if we truly have faith in the power of the blood.

When Jesus shed His blood at Calvary, pouring it out onto God's Mercy Seat, we were given a holy restraining order against sin, death, sickness, satan and all demonic oppression.

There is no physical blood on our doors that keeps death and destruction from entering our lives. Because we don't have blood that we can see, we often forget to enforce the restraining order. But, if there is blood in our faith, we have the power to stand against the enemy and forbid him to pass.

As I prepare to celebrate my precious Lord's resurrection tomorrow, I am grateful for and mindful of His shed blood. That blood still covers the Mercy Seat. The restraining order still stands in effect. It is up to us to enforce it. It is according to the measure of our faith.

Lord, I believe in the power of your shed blood. Please, help my unbelief.

***

Notes on the drawing: "Passover" by Carol Ann Welch, ink & colored pencil on paper, 11"x14", copyright 2002.

A Parable of Three Slaves

     There were three men bound in chains, slaves to an evil taskmaster. One day, a free man approached them. He took pity on the slaves, so he gave all that he had to purchase the slaves from the taskmaster. He took the keys and went to release the men from their chains. He told them that he offered them complete freedom, with no obligations or cost to them.
     The free man offered the key to the first slave, who carefully considered it. The taskmaster had deceived him into believing that he was not really a slave. He was used to the life he had and did not see the true nature of his captivity. He was suspicious of the key and suspected that it would lead him to a worse fate.  He rejected the key.
     The free man was heart broken, but moved on to the second slave and offered him the key. This man recognized his situation and received the key gratefully. Once his chains were removed, he thanked the free man then set out on his own path, excited about his freedom. The free man tried to warn him of the dangers of becoming enslaved again, but the second man took no heed and went his way.
     The third man received the key humbly and wept at the free man's feet, thanking him with all his heart. The newly freed man kissed his deliverer's hands and offered him his life in service. 
     "Would you become a slave again so quickly?" the deliverer asked him.
     "There are many more who are still enslaved as I was," he replied. "I would gladly pledge my life to helping you set them free."
     The man with the key smiled and said, "Follow me."

***

Last week, during a Bible Study on Ephesians, there was a discussion of free will. In the midst of that discussion, the Lord gave me this parable. For anyone who might not see the symbolism, here's the message:

The three men were all slaves to sin. The first man rejected the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and remained a slave to his sin. The second man received Jesus as his savior, and was set free from the bondage of sin. However, he chose to follow his own path and live life his own way. Most likely this man would fall back into sin. The third man received salvation, but also made Jesus the Lord of his life, pledging a commitment to follow His leading.

Yes, this is a very simple picture; but I believe the gospel is just that simple. I have given a lot of thought to this over the past week. The most wonderful revelation that I have received is this:

God is not a control freak.

Do you know how liberating that is? God is not trying to control me or manipulate me. He has given me the absolute freedom to do whatever I please. How much greater does that make my decision to follow Him? That excites me! The Sovereign Most High God, Creator of the Universe, who has the power to completely control everything in existence, chose to give me free will.

Now, you may be thinking that God controls everything... the tides, the orbits of the planets, sunrise and sunset. But let me ask you this... do you have a programmer sitting at your computer controlling every action that it makes? No, because the programmer designed a system that will operate independently of his control. When God created the heavens and earth, He designed systems to govern natural processes (for a glimpse of this wonder, I suggest reading Job 38, a personal favorite of mine). Those systems are so perfect that they have been running without error for thousands of years. Can God control them? Yes. Absolutely. At Joshua's word, God stopped the movement of the sun and moon in the valley of Aijalon (Joshua 10).

God chose to give us free will. He honors that free will without exception. To me, that means that He has bestowed a great honor on me. He loves me enough to let me choose. That is a very difficult concept for most people. We tend towards control, often thinking that it is safer for us to control our situations and the people in our lives. I submit to you that control is a false sense of security. It is fear-based and perpetuated by the devil, who is the ultimate control freak. I won't spell it out for you here, but if you study it out in scripture, you'll see it.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is to allow your children the room to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. Do we set boundaries? Yes. Children need them. Are there consequences for bad decisions? Yes, that's how children learn. God is the Master Parent. His Word is our boundary. Consequences are programmed into the system. He loves us enough to let us choose. He leads, He prompts, He guides, He woos and He sends others to point us towards Him. But, never, not once, does He get into a power struggle with us. And when we mess up, He corrects us; but He never condemns us. Not if we are in Christ.

This has been an amazing revelation for me. I intend to study this out further, especially in Jesus' actions towards others. I believe it will prove itself. In the meantime, I recognize that to be more Christ-like, I must lean less on control and more on faith in God. The more faith I have in Him, the easier it is for me to give Him control of my life. God does not demand of me that He have control of my life. I give it to Him freely, as a gift. I know I can trust Him with it, because He has my best interest at heart.

Letting Go

I started this painting in the 90's. (Eek! It's about time I finished it.) I had everything painted except the ripples in the water and the flowers. I don't know why, but I just set it aside. I pulled it out of storage last summer and have had it sitting in my kitchen - looking at it. The Lord began to talk to me about it and so, I had to finish. I worked on it once in February and today and that's all it took. But, it took a lot of work on me to get here.

The painting was inspired by a story I once heard about a Native American tradition of dealing with the past. I heard the story on a TV show (Northern Exposure, I think), so I wouldn't count on it being historically accurate. The story goes that when a person needed to let go of the past, she would write letters to her ancestors or gather items that had past significance and take them to the river. She would release them into the river, trusting the water to deliver them to the spirits of her ancestors. Since rivers carry things away and never return, this was a way of releasing those hindrances and hurts from the past.

On my 30th birthday, I went camping alone. I had gathered some things. I wrote a few letters. I sent some stuff down the river. I burned a few things in the campfire too. I prayed... a lot. I let go of a lot. Later, I decided to paint the story. I think I stopped painting because I didn't fully understand the depth of letting go. God still needed to deal with me, teach me and bring me to where I am today.

When I finished the painting today, I said, "it is what it is." I realized that I could have fussed with it more and try to make parts of it better. But, it was time to let go and move on. Do you see the figures in the water, reaching for the flowers? They were in my original plan for the painting and that was all I really needed to paint to be finished. I debated about whether to include them, since they seem rather pagan. But, to me they represent acceptance and peace. The past is resolved. It is what it is.

For the past several months, God has been dealing with me about letting go of some things. Mistakes, hurts, disappointments, expectations, plans that never came to pass, people's opinions of me and so on. Two phrases have returned to my thoughts again and again:

Whatever happened, happened.

Don't look back.

The first is a quote from my much-missed TV show Lost. It basically means the same as "it is what it is." Certain things happen in life that can't be changed no matter how hard we try. History (despite what the revisionists think), situations, experiences, words spoken by us or to us - they can't be changed. People's opinions of us cannot be changed by us, only by the person with the opinion. I have spent way too much of my life on would've-could've-should've, what if..., and yeah but.... These are all ways of obsessing about something which we cannot control. I have replayed things in my head over and over. Has any of that effort ever changed the past? No. never. The past is what it is. Whatever happened, happened. A big part of letting go is learning to accept that concept and get to the place where we can honestly say, "OK, I can't change it and I'm not going to waste my time with trying."

I was talking to Rick about all of this awhile back and he said, "don't look back." When he said it, I immediately heard that line from CCR's song Run Through the Jungle - "Don't look back." I have heard that in my head so many times in the past several months! Just as replaying the past is obsessing, looking back is grieving over what is no more or what might have been. Another dead end street. We can spend our lives looking back, but it won't bring back the good things or change the bad. Looking back did not work out well for Lot's wife - she turned into a pillar of salt. That may not happen to us, but looking back will feed the grief and keep it alive. Feeding things just makes them get bigger. Stop feeding it, it dies. Don't look back.

We have to stop grieving and obsessing over what we cannot control. That's really what it's all about. We lack the control to change the past. We never had that kind of control and we never will. However, we can change our present and our future. We keep our eyes focused ahead. Of course we can't control other people - past, present or future. We have to learn to accept that and let go of those things others do that rub us the wrong way. Fear often tries to grip us and keep us looking back. We are afraid of being hurt, betrayed, rejected, ridiculed, invalidated, cheated or denied all over again. But, when we truly enter into the love of God and allow Him to heal all those wounded places, we learn that being wounded does not have to be so tragic. We learn to run to the Healer, cast all the cares on Him, receive His restoration and move forward. It's a process that may take some time; but it's worth the effort. It is God's will for us. Paul said it this way:

...but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 3:8-14

The past is what it is.

Whatever happened, happened.

Don't look back.

Let go.

Press forward.

***
Notes on the painting: "Letting Go" by Carol Ann Welch, oil on canvas, 16"x20", Copyright 2011.

Immersed

I saw a vast beach that gave way to an endless ocean. I could see the farthest waves rise and fall with great power. As they neared the shore, they rolled over into white caps that crashed and splashed. Spent from their frothy play, the waves settled and lapped delicately at the beach.

There were multitudes of people all along the beach. Not crowded together, but scattered, so that each one stood alone. Many stood far from the water, with their backs to the ocean, oblivious to its existence. Others stood with them, glancing furtively to the water and away again. Still others stood at that distance from the ocean and glared at the water, unsure and afraid to approach. There were a vast number approaching the water timidly, studying it carefully. Some looked back over their shoulders, making sure of a possible escape. Then there were those who stood just in the edge of the water wiggling their toes in the wet sand and giggling as the gentle waves tickled their feet. Others were walking out into the waves. They were out to their ankles, or knees, or even their hips. Many were going deeper. Some were backing up.

The ones who ventured deeper soon found the water up to their chins. The waves were so much stronger there, that the swells lifted the people off their feet, so that they were not touching the bottom. Many were frightened by this and turned back. They liked the feel of the earth beneath their feet. It gave them a sense of control because their feet could take them where they wanted to go. The others embraced the swell of the waves and swam deeper. They were the ones that understood the character and nature of this particular ocean. They lost themselves in it, completely immersed, knowing that the ocean would carry them where they needed to go. They played in the waves, drank in the sweet water and breathed it like air. Did they drown? I guess part of them did. But the part that lived on was stronger, more joyful and filled with magnificent peace. The longer they moved with the ocean, the more like it they became. A precious few stayed long enough to become one with the water. They allowed the current to take them wherever it would. Sometimes a powerful wave would deposit them on the beach so that they could run up, sopping wet, and embrace someone who was dry. After their target was soaked, they would run joyfully back into the waves. Sometimes the person who just got soaked would follow. Sometimes others would see their joy and follow too.

The ocean sustained them always. It never betrayed them. It never rejected them. It gave them life and health, joy and peace, comfort and love. It soothed their aching hearts and healed their wounds. It cast out their fears, their failures and their frailties. It nurtured and nourished them. Those who lived in the deep were satisfied, fulfilled and complete. The emptiness that they had felt on the beach was gone. Love, acceptance and belonging had taken its place. Their love of the ocean ruled their lives. They loved one another. They also loved the ones in the shallows and the ones on the beach, often calling out to them and encouraging them to come deeper. They lived out their lives surrendered to the ocean, immersed in His love.

Come deeper, my friend, come deeper....

***

Deep calls to deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; all Your waves and Your billows have gone over me. ~ Psalms 42:7

For this cause I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in Heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth and length and depth and height, and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fullness of God. ~ Ephesians 3:14-19

This I Know - a love story

Jesus loves me,
This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The Bible tells me so.

I'm not sure, but this may be the first song I ever learned. It is woven throughout my childhood like a bright, golden thread. I remember singing it as I played and singing it to my pets. Of course, I never sang it around people; I was far too shy for that. So, I sang it in solitude and I believed it with all my heart. I accepted the simple truth of that song with a child's simple faith. Jesus was very real to me and He was my friend. Today, He is still both.

I often say that I cannot remember a time in my life when I did not know Jesus. From my earliest recollections, I had a Prayer Reminder card that hung beneath the light switch in my bedroom. On it was a picture of Jesus and a cross that glowed in the dark. Every single night of my childhood, I fell asleep looking at that glowing cross and knowing that Jesus loved me. When I was seven years old, our pastor came to visit my parents and I, because I had asked to be baptized. I remember being very nervous as he asked me questions about Jesus and the cross, but I answered him with that simple faith. Years later, my mother told me that she was concerned about me being too young to really understand salvation. She had expressed those concerns to the pastor, but after speaking with me, he assured my mother that I understood. I knew that God was our Father, Creator of all things; and that Jesus was His Son who had given His life on the cross so that I could go to heaven. I understood about the forgiveness of sins.

As a small child, I loved church! I enjoyed learning and singing about Jesus. And I had such simple notions of God's involvement in church. Whenever the pastor came out of the door at the back of the stage on Sunday morning, I was convinced that God was on the other side of that door and the two of them had just had the most wonderful conversation. The first time I visited the pastor's office beyond that door, I was preoccupied with looking for God. I knew that He had to be in there somewhere. I didn't have to look for Jesus though, because He was always with me. My sister had told me that and I believed her. Even though I couldn't see Him, I knew he was there. Now, why I thought I could see God in that office, I'll never know.

As I began to grow older, church became confusing for me. Jesus loved me and had died for my sins; yet, people expected me to look and act a certain way. If I failed them, I was met with disapproval and a certain amount of rejection. I began to project my experience with people on to God. The older I got, the more I understood what was being preached, and the message always seemed to be that I was doing everything wrong. I would come away from church feeling guilty, like I was a bad person and didn't deserve God's love. People's words and expectations changed the course of my thinking. My relationship with Jesus was so strong, that I did not question His love for me. Father God was a different story, though. My understanding of Him changed and I began to think of Him as an angry God that required strict obedience or else. I thought I had to earn his love. I grew afraid of God. Not in a reverential way, as the Word teaches us to be; but in a fearful way of I'm-gonna-mess-up-and-He's-gonna-reject-me-forever. No matter how perfect I tried to be, I could never be good enough. And, believe me, I tried!

For reasons unknown to me, my parents stopped going to church when I was a preteen, and I was relieved. Instead, we spent the weekends in the country, which gave me some of the happiest memories of my life. Most weekends, there were cousins to hang out with, work to be done and fun to be found. Yet, occasionally I would find time alone. I can remember riding my dirt bike out into the woods to find a quiet spot where I could sit and talk to God. I told Him how beautiful His creation was. That seemed to be our common ground. I could connect to Him through nature. Then, I would pour my heart out to Him about my confusions and how I tried to be good. I would ask His forgiveness and know that it was available, but I was always afraid that it would run out and He would just give up on me. Even in my prayers, I was trying to please Him. I felt like I never could. Yet, all the while, I still believed that Jesus loved me no matter what. I clung to Jesus and I feared my Father. I cried out for Jesus when I was at my worst and He was always there. I would sink into depression because I failed to please people, which made me think that I had failed God. Still, Jesus loved me. As the years passed by, I grew further and further away from my Father; but I still knew - always - that Jesus loved me.

The turning point of my life began ten years ago with a prophecy and a vision. I won't share it here. It's a whole story unto itself and one of the most treasured, precious moments of my life. That prophetic word and the vision that accompanied it were seeds that my Father planted into my life. Some time went by as those seeds were watered by the Word of God and by a pastor who constantly expounded on God's love. The seeds germinated and grew in my heart. Finally, they came to fruition with the revelation of this scripture:

Philip said to Him, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you such a long time and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father. And how do you say, Show us the Father? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in Me? The Words that I speak to you I do not speak of Myself, but the Father who dwells in Me..." ~ John 14:8-10

The revelation came on a day when I was bawling in pain, feeling rejected because I had failed people and wrongly thinking that I had failed God. I cried out to Jesus in my sorrow, knowing that He loved me, knowing that He would forgive me, knowing that He accepted me without reservation. Then, I heard His voice so clearly in my heart:

"If you've seen Me, you've seen the Father."

I grabbed my Bible and I found this passage that I had read countless times before (so this was why I practically lived in John 14-17) and I read it with new understanding. I could hear Jesus asking me, "Have I been with you such a long time and yet you have not known Me, Carol? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in Me?"

My life changed that day. I received my Father's unconditional love and acceptance. I didn't deserve it. I didn't earn it. It was a gift, freely given, available to me all along. It was as though I had walked with Jesus throughout my life, receiving His love; yet turning away the beautifully wrapped package of my Father's love that Jesus carried for me. He would offer me this gift, but I insisted that I had to earn it. How incredibly stupid of me!

How did that revelation of His love change my life? It increased my faith and ability to trust God. It brought me great joy! It healed many wounds. It filled the empty places in my heart. Most importantly,  it changed the way I related to people. I saw them through my Father's eyes of love. It gave me a new boldness to speak God's Word and His love into the lives of people. I was blessed with an opportunity to minister in a prison, sharing that message of love with broken women who desperately needed God's forgiveness and acceptance. His love gave me a desire to share that love with others.

Recently, I experienced a season of deep longing. Nothing seemed to satisfy it. Then, one morning I cried this longing out to my husband, who God promptly used to minister to me. I had not been receiving God's love to the fullness that I had in the past. I had been trying to earn it again. I wept and repented. Immediately, His love came in a flood. I returned to my first love. My heart's prayer is, "More love God, please, more love." Not just for me, but for the world. Not that He needs to pour out more love, He's already made all of His love available to us. We must receive it.

I encourage you today to receive His love to the fullest. It's a gift, freely given. You don't have to earn it, work for it or deserve it. Just receive it. Our Father loves you so much that He gave His dear son to die so that your sin, your bad behavior and your  failed performance would no longer separate you from Him. Jesus loves you so much that He gave His life for you, so that you could draw near to God without fear of disapproval, rebuke or rejection. God loves you.

God, the Creator of the universe, loves you.

Your Father chooses you to saturate with His love.

He desires to heal your hurts and bless your life, because He loves you.

He longs to hear your voice and speak wisdom into your heart, because He loves you.

He has a good plan for your life that will bring you a satisfaction that you have never known, because He loves you.

These things I know. Because the Bible tells me so.


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Notes: 

1. The rock in the picture is one that I found as a child. I thought it was quite a miracle to find a heart-shaped rock. I colored it with crayons and gave it to my parents. They kept it on a windowsill until my mom moved to heaven. Today, it sits on my desk as a reminder that God loves me so much, that he formed a heart-shaped rock, had a gravel truck deliver it to the end of my parent's driveway and led me to find it.

2. The childrens' hymn Jesus Loves Me was written by Anna Bartlett Warner as a poem in 1860. Two years later, William Batchelder Bradbury set it to music and added the chorus.